48. Building Confidence and Improving Mental Performance with Kristin Tullo
In this episode of Sturdy Girl, Jess interviews Kristen, a mental performance coach who works with athletes, coaches, and parents to improve confidence, focus, and motivation. Kristen shares her journey from being a strength and conditioning coach to specializing in mental performance, emphasizing the importance of preparation and control. She discusses her methods for helping athletes of all ages, from youth to adult women's leagues, and provides valuable insights on visualization, self-talk, and overcoming obstacles. The conversation highlights the significance of mindset and how athletes and individuals can develop confidence as a skill.
Connect with Kristin HERE.
Check out Sturdy Girl beanies and sweatshirts HERE.
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Jess: Hello friends, welcome back to another episode and interview of Sturdy Girl. Today we have Kristen on with us and I'm going to turn this directly over to her so she can tell us all about what she does, but I think a big focus today is going to end up being confidence, so I'm going to set the stage. Go for it.
Kristin: Thanks, Jess. And thank you again for having me here. This is awesome. So I'm a mental performance coach and I work with athletes, coaches, Sometimes parents to really just work through the struggles that a lot of athletes and [00:00:30] coaches feel throughout the seasons where, you know, the seasons can be long, they can be grueling confidence, focus, motivation, all those types of things can waver a lot.
I help them overcome those things by just identifying what's happening, giving them tools and strategies to keep confident, keep motivated and keep focused. And so that they can have success, but also much happier seasons.
Jess: That's awesome. Do you work with a particular age group? Do you work with like high school kids or kids in sports? Or are you mostly with adults?
Kristin: Um,
mostly [00:01:00] with kids. So I've worked with kids from 10 to high school level. And then I've also worked with college athletes. I've worked with some college teams. And then even outside of that, you know, those teams where you're grown women and you still want to be playing sports. So I work with a lot of women's leagues too.
Jess: that's really rad. Okay. how did you get into this?
Kristin: All right. So I am a strength and conditioning coach still. I have my own personal training business, which I absolutely love. But I kind of got into this because. Of course, I was an athlete. I [00:01:30] also coached for the last 10 years. I've coached ice hockey and soccer. And this year is my first year off, which is like a whole new experience for me, but I got into the mental performance side because I was working always as just a team coach and the athletic training coach.
And I was seeing so many missing pieces to the mental side of the game. And I have a social work background, so like I'm very in tune with that kind of stuff, like the psychology of everything, and just seeing how kids reacted to situations, and how parents reacted to situations, and hearing from parents how their [00:02:00] kids had reacted, right?
They could have like a three goal game and still be crying on the way home. Things were always just, they're just never feeling good enough. No matter what. So you can ask the highest scoring athlete on any team what one of their struggles is. And I'm willing to bet that top two, one of them would be their mental side, the mental side of the game.
So I saw that kind of hole and I was like, you know what, these kids are working physically enough. That's not even what they need anymore. So I stopped training them in the gym and I just started working with them on the mental side of the game.
Jess: [00:02:30] That's huge. And especially too with, kids teens, if you will, emotions are really high. So when you're learning that emotional regulation in the first place, but then also, right, like you said, It's not the physical necessarily as much as they need. They know how to go through drills and go through practice and play the game.
It is. It's that mental performance side.
Kristin: Absolutely. And you know, I have so much fun, like even just like talking about it with you today. This is like, it's so cheesy, right? But it's like one of those things that just excites me. I love talking to athletes and like telling them all the things [00:03:00] that like my biggest, thing is everything is in your control.
Right? So I do workshops on just the power of control for confidence and motivation. And when you can understand that. The mental side of your game is just as trainable as the physical side and that you control all of that. It's again, not to sound cheesy, but it's really empowering and it can be very life changing for you outside of sports too, because when you realize, I know for me, for my business, when I started really fully taking control of things.
it was crazy. Like how much more productive I was and [00:03:30] like how many more people I was able to help.
Jess: Yeah, absolutely. This is super, like you said, you're talking about getting excited, talking about these things in it, feeling cheesy. What I think about in terms of this, when you're like, you're in control and understanding how much our mental, let's say self talk and how we respond to the ups and downs of that is in our control, it reminds me of just the concept of radical responsibility of taking responsibility for.
And your actions and your reactions and understanding how much of like the outcome of something is in your control?
Kristin: and that's one [00:04:00] of the things that I always like to drill home. It's like, you didn't have a bad game because you didn't score that goal that you, that you had a great shot. You had a perfect opportunity, you miss it. that doesn't define your performance. What defines your performance is how you reacted to that.
You let that moment take you out of the game. And that's why everything that followed wasn't as strong of a performance as you could have given.
Jess: You got it in your head.
Kristin: exactly. So being able to just refocus after that one bad shot, and just keep playing, it's a huge difference in what the outcome for you is going to [00:04:30] be.
Jess: so you said social work background and then strength and conditioning coaching. And then into more mindset, confidence, performance, piece of coaching.
Kristin: Yes.
Jess: rad. And what a well rounded, especially to where maybe even while you were doing strength coaching, and when you're coaching, you said ice hockey and soccer, understanding how much that mental piece played a part in that too.
So then to be like, alright, this is where I'm gonna focus. How much are the parents [00:05:00] involved in this process?
Kristin: It depends on how old they are right so obviously like the college kids that I work with I don't talk to their parents I talk to their coaches the younger kids, if I'm doing a zoom call with them, if they're under 17 or 15 dependent on what the parent wants. I'll always say like the parent is always welcome to come on the call with us, sit there, be in the background but I want them to feel comfortable.
with me. I will ask them do feel comfortable if th of like step aside becaus
But that [00:05:30] is obviously the discretion of the parent. And then outside of the call itself, I do communicate a little bit through email just because I like to get updates. And so again, if they're younger, I don't feel comfortable
just having contact with them. Right. And I don't think that they want to be emailing me kids, but but it's good to get just little updates here and there from, from the parents.
Jess: Yeah, that's cool. are you currently doing any confidence coaching with adults?
Kristin: I'm not doing any adults right now outside of like, I just finished with a woman's rugby team. They just won their third [00:06:00] championship in a row, which is pretty awesome. And I'm always impressed by this group of women who have so many other things going on, full time jobs, marriages kids, other commitments.
And they're always reaching out to me. Like we are going into playoffs. We want to make sure that we're focused and that we're going in there with the right a mindset, and we want you to, to do a call with us again. It's like when you're at that level and you have so many other things going on, making the time for what you know, is actually really important to keeping that success I'm always impressed by that.
Jess: That's rad. [00:06:30] Women's rugby.
Ilona Maher bringing it on the scene, right? I
love it so much.
Kristin: practice one time. And I was like to watch her, to play, they're like to play. And I was like, no, no, no, no. I'm my playing days of anything are done. I could not even imagine rugby.
Jess: It's intense.
Kristin: Very intense. I'm like, I see you guys, what you guys are doing on Instagram. Like I can't handle that.
Jess: I'm good. If I could put myself in bubble wrap, maybe.
Kristin: Right. Right.
Jess: what is your sports background? What do you play?
Kristin: I played soccer and ice hockey.
Jess: Oh, so okay. So you [00:07:00] coaching what you, what you played.
Kristin: Yep. Yep.
Anything else? I don't really know anything about.
Jess: okay. So I'm curious when we talk about confidence, what does real confidence mean to you? And then follow up to that is like, what are some real things that actually build that?
Kristin: Yeah. So real confidence is everything that you do. It's all the actions that you take, right? It's not just how you feel. It's a choice that you make to yourself every day to make sure that you are doing the preparation and everything that leads up [00:07:30] to game time. It's not, it's not about outcomes, right?
It's more about processes, which is another common theme that I have for everything that I do with my athletes. It's what we're doing, how we're doing it. And just building yourself up to have the beliefs that when you get to the game time situations. You're fully prepared, right? It's about having the right body language.
It's about having the right preparation. And then once you're feeling prepared for anything, like think about it. If you want to take an exam and you don't have a pencil, like you're feeling really anxious, nervous. You're not focused [00:08:00] because you're so busy thinking like, Oh God, I need to find a pencil.
I need to find a pen. I'm not even prepared. Now, the person that goes into the test. With the tools that they need is already able to feel much more confident when they sit in that chair. So it's just everything the actions that you take to get you to the game, letting you know that you're fully ready to do this.
Jess: That's fantastic. so I think of confidence as a skill building. It is a skill to be practiced. It's a skill that is domain specific. So like for you talking specifically for confidence in your sport and your game. [00:08:30] and I think that it's really interesting because the general conception of confidence is like this.
Swagger walk in the room, like, you know, this person's confident. I think that's like the biggest myth about, about confidence. And so when you talk about the skill piece of it, yeah, I just, I really appreciate that just from a realistic perspective, because I'm trying to think of a, a well, articulated way to say, like, society has such a misconception of confidence, and especially where you're working with youth, they've probably [00:09:00] internalized a lot of messaging with confidence.
They're like, oh, so just got to, like, swagger out onto the field, right? We're good.
Kristin: Right. So don't get me wrong. I think body language is one of the biggest things that you can do to help you feel confident, right? So if you're going to feel confident, you want to feel it so that your mind starts to believe it. So if I came on to this podcast and I showed up on our zoom call and I was like, my head's down and my shoulders are slumped.
I'm probably not exuding much confidence to you. And in my mind, how I'm showing up, I'm like, I don't know if I even know what I'm going to be talking about. Am [00:09:30] I going to be able to answer her questions? But if I come in here and I'm standing tall, I'm already giving you the impression like, all right, Kristen looks like she's ready for it.
And in my mind, I'm like, All right, I'm standing tall. I'm here. And then I'm just giving that message to my mindset like I'm, I am here. I am ready and I'm ready to answer whatever she wants to throw at me.
Jess: The way you carry yourself does matter. And I think that's really interesting. So, um, we've done A couple of episodes on confidence for sturdy girl and one of the pieces I was reading in research about confidence [00:10:00] there was a TED talk that went viral about like the power pose
Kristin: Okay.
Yeah,
Jess: hands on hips, you know shoulders back and down and It was really interesting because that went viral, and then they had a study that they did that was a fairly small one, and so it was like, oh, you know, how much stock do we put in this, but then they're like, okay, that doesn't have anything to do with confidence,
which then you read further and just, you know, You understand that it's a piece of it.
And I think, you [00:10:30] know, especially with things in the media that, go viral, is there like one piece of the puzzle? and so that is one thing that in a previous episode we talked a lot about is like, okay, there's the mindset as much as there is the physical piece of it too, right? And that's the way you carry yourself.
You're You're reinforcing whatever the message is. So like you said, if you showed up on here and your shoulders were slumped, I mean, if I showed up on here and I'm ready to like, I'm ready to host you as a guest. And I'm like, Hey, good morning. Welcome to sturdy girl, [00:11:00] you know, and seeing that energy, you're not seeing the confidence projected of like, Hey, sturdy girl's really rad.
And I'm so stoked that you're here. Right. And like you get, you, Perceive that energy, both for yourself and others do as well.
Kristin: Exactly. That's a great point, right? Because when you're on a team, and you're exuding confidence, you're already making everyone else feel better, right? So an example is I always give examples in hockey terms, but if you have like your backup goalie, it's not your starting goalie, it's your backup goalie.
You're a little bit more like, Oh no. Like, are they ready? [00:11:30] You want to make sure that they're all gassed up and ready to go. So you want them to be like, no, no, like I got this so that you can feel like, okay, she's got this. So, so we're all good. But if that goalie's back there and they're like, oh shit, like, I don't even know, like, am I really ready for this?
The defense then are like, right. We're like, we're going to struggle here because we have to make sure that the pup doesn't even get over to her. Right? So exuding that confidence, it's a chain reaction because you want to make sure that that whole bench is gassed up and ready to go.
Jess: They're ready for it. So what kind of things do you feel [00:12:00] like actually build confidence
Kristin: The ultimate one is going to be preparation. That's like my whole thing. It's such a low hanging fruit that anyone and everyone can do it. It's like no matter what the situation is that you want to feel confident for. Right. It doesn't have to be sports. It's again, it's this podcast. If you feel prepared, you're feeling more confident coming into it.
So that's why it's a choice, right? It's not just, and I will say, feel confident, but it's a choice that you're making because you can show up here, not ready, or you can show up here, ready. And it's the same thing [00:12:30] for athletes, for people that have to give a presentation at work. Like, in college, I'll be honest, or high school rather, I wasn't always prepared for it much.
Right? I didn't prepare much because I didn't really take things too seriously in high school. I'm the first to admit it. So there were a lot of times when I had to do presentations, and I was not confident at all because I did nothing to prepare myself for that situation. So, if I'm going lowest hanging fruit, And something that anyone can start doing, it's just making sure that you have the preparation in place.
Jess: having the pencil for the test?
Kristin: [00:13:00] Yes.
Jess: I mean, that is the half of, being prepared, like being confident in this podcast. I would not come on this. interview without some level of preparedness. I've read what I could about you online. I put together questions so that if I inevitably segue, those questions are on the other half of my screen to feel prepared, to feel more confident, because I want to make sure that, that you You and your time is respected, right?
And that listener's time is respected and they get to enjoy this [00:13:30] conversation. Like there are so many pieces of that. And I think about this in terms of to going back to like confidence as a skill is like the preparedness is also practice, practicing a skill. so if it's gaining confidence in say back squatting with a barbell.
Right? The more that you put in the reps, the more that you are practicing, the more you are prepared, the more confident you are in being able to execute the squat.
Kristin: Exactly.
Jess: and so then put that into whatever domain you want to, but it's, it's the preparedness and the [00:14:00] practice.
Kristin: Yeah. And I would say like, everything that I post is always directed towards athletes, but you can apply it to any other area, business, marriage, just life in general, everything kind of just intertwines. Because it's always, again, it's the choices you make, it's the control that you take. And I would say, like, focus on the things that you have control of, and then everything else kind of sets itself up, because if you're too busy thinking about things that you're not able to, to control, your confidence is going to lower because you're too busy worried about everything else.
Jess: And [00:14:30] there are a lot of things in life that we can't control.
Kristin: Right? Unfortunately,
Jess: There are a lot, so we could spend all of our time thinking about those things, but there's a lot more I don't know if that's the word I want, power to be had in focusing on what we can control, than just thinking about that in terms of like the confidence building, because it feels really shitty if you like spiral yourself on how many things you can't control.
Kristin: exactly. And that's what a lot of happens to a lot of athletes in games, right? They're too busy worried about what their teammates are doing [00:15:00] or not doing. They're worried about the officials. They're worried about what the fans are saying and doing. They're worried about what their opponents are going to do.
It's like you can't control any of that shit. So stop wasting your energy and just focus on what you can do. Give yourself the best opportunities, right? So you can't control if you score a goal or not, or if you can shoot a basket or not and make it, but you can control putting yourself in the best situations to have those scoring opportunities.
And that's another thing that I think is, is one of the mistakes that people make, especially [00:15:30] athletes. Is thinking that confidence is just driven by the results. We have to have it driven by the processes because you're not always going to have a great game right on the on the stat sheet. The statute is not always going to be in your favor.
So you need to find other things that's going to keep you keep you motivated and keep you confident,
Jess: I like that. It's applicable outside of the domain of, like, confidence and that kind of thing too, right, is it's the process, not the outcome for just about everything. If you're setting goals, it's not about that outcome. It is the process. You spend how [00:16:00] much of your time in the process And very little in the actual outcome.
Kristin: right?
Jess: Okay, so I'd kind of talked about the swagger when you walk into the room myth of like, that's the total embodiment of confidence. Are there any other myths about confidence?
Kristin: I think I just said another one that is a huge one in that confidence comes from the outcome, but to give an easy example, I had a girl on one of my teams once, and we were playing a team that like, we had no business playing. They were. They were terrible, right? We ended up mercying them. They were just [00:16:30] not good.
And I had one of my girls on the team was mad. She wasn't getting more minutes because she wants to score all these goals. And she's like, Oh, you're messing with my stats. And I was getting really upset about it. You're going to feel better about yourself by scoring like three goals on this team who like you should just easily score against.
Then you would have playing against a team that is at your level and maybe not scoring the goal, right? So you can't have the confidence only come from the outcome because that's You shouldn't feel great about yourself just because you scored three goals on a goalie that could barely skate, [00:17:00] right?
I would feel better really just giving everything I had against a team that is, we know is going to beat us, but we're just giving our best effort. So one of the myths that I would say is just, again, the process. Is more important than the outcome.
it's a given or it's not right.
You either have confidence or you don't, which is just untrue, The whole point of what I do is to show you that it's really a skill set, something that you can train just like anything else and become stronger. And when you have the right tools in place, you'll realize that it's not that you didn't [00:17:30] have confidence or you weren't capable of having confidence.
But you just maybe weren't looking for it in the right places, if that makes sense.
Jess: Absolutely. It's almost like the fix versus growth mindset, right? Of like, well, I'm just not a confident person. Well, like, that's just not a thing. I've never really been confident. I'm not I'm not that person. Instead of like, oh, it's a skill set that I can work on that I can improve on.
Here's a challenge that I can approach.
Kristin: Yeah. And you just made a great point because it is, everything is, you have to understand that you have a growth, [00:18:00] you can have a growth mindset, right? Not everything is fixed. And again, when you believe that is when you start to be able to, to overcome a lot of things that you didn't think you could.
Jess: absolutely. Do you find that you know, you've worked with Adults and then working with I'm gonna just say youth . do you find that there is a similar amount of Leaning into while the innate talents of like, Oh, I'm just not a confident person.
When you try to work on mindset and work on that skill building. Is it similar with adults and, kids?
Kristin: Yes. Because I feel [00:18:30] like, I feel like the most important thing about working with the youths is letting them understand that it is something that they can create and build for themselves. Whereas a lot of us weren't taught that when we were younger, right? We were like, even they're told to like, just be confident.
Like you should be more confident. We weren't given ways to actually do it. a lot of the adults that I work with do come to me at first, even as my strength and conditioning clients, like very hesitant, they've never done weight training before. So they're not confident when they come into the gym.
And I always send out an initial email. When I have a new client coming in and I say [00:19:00] like Here's everything I want you to know and I think that you want to know so that you are confident coming into the gym on your first day. And it's like silly little things. I tell them the address again. I'll let them know the parking situation. My gym is in a town where street parking is a disaster and you don't have to pay to park. We have a private parking lot. So like one less thing for you to have to worry about when you get there in the morning. I tell them we have yoga mats, but they can bring their own, bring a water bottle, bring a towel if you want.
Here's my phone number. If you get lost, anything else, just reach out to me. Right. I just tell them all these little things that [00:19:30] they can be like, okay. Cause I know myself, like sometimes if I'm not sure where I'm going or what the situation is, I'm like a little bit more hesitant or nervous than I need to be.
So just taking some of those things off their plate. And then they come in And they feel a little bit more relaxed.
Jess: It's a little better. yeah, knowing the parking situation in advance is amazing.
Kristin: Yes, I know like, for myself, I'll be like halfway somewhere and I'll be like, Shit, what's the parking situation? I'm like, pulling over and like, Googling to see if it says like, private parking lot or like, Google Street View to [00:20:00] see where they are if they have a
lot.
Jess: Yeah. Do I anticipate parallel parking?
How far away? Is there a parking garage? What is the situation?
Kristin: You want to know if you have to parallel park before you get
anywhere. Like
Jess: I need to
prepare myself.
Okay, I'm going to segue for just a second. and then I want to come back and talk a little bit more. I want to talk a little bit more about mindset and the skills along mindset in general. But talking about working with youth, that is one piece that with Sturdy Girl, and with the mission behind improving body [00:20:30] image and resilience and confidence as well, I am working on some curriculum to go into middle schools.
Is the ideal and probably even high schools to and start having these conversations with younger people, because, you know, asked the question about if it was similar with like fixer verse growth mindset with adults and with children. If we can have those conversations younger about how much confidence is a skill, resilience is a skill, body image is about our relationship with [00:21:00] ourselves and learning how to handle the messaging of other people and the media and how our body image story is shaped, there's so much less unlearning that has to happen.
when you talk about it younger versus where I'm at with this podcast right now is talking to adults. And that's a lot of the conversations that I have on these podcasts is the unlearning, the unlearning of the messages so heavily ingrained in us, and then working on the relationship with ourselves and finding ourselves in this, like, [00:21:30] canyon between self loathing and self acceptance, and figuring out how the hell to have that work.
And so that's like, I want to say a dream because I know that it's going to happen. It's just a matter of like putting together a good little curriculum and a couple of workshops for this. and I actually, through my full time job as a hygienist, I've connected with a couple of people who work in middle schools in the Portland area who were like yeah, when you're ready, call me.
But that is where I really see gaining a lot of fulfillment from, from our mission.
Kristin: I love [00:22:00] that. And that's awesome because it is so important. Like, I feel like right now it has gotten a little better. Like when I first started as a personal trainer, a little over 10 years ago, Everyone wants it to just be a weight loss client. And I felt like in order for me to have clients, I need to be a weight loss coach.
And I hated it. Now like, since I started working for myself about five years ago, I'm like, I can't do weight loss guys. It's not, it's not it. We're just going to get really fucking strong.
Right. That's the goal. And I've had so many clients say, like, I was [00:22:30] posting in a, in a mom's group on Facebook About like my clients and we're not just here to like sweat as much as possible and to burn as many calories.
Like if that's what you're looking for, don't visit my website. Cause I'm not, I'm not going to be the coach for you, but if you want to be able to like farmers, carry your Costco groceries to your car and pick your kids up easily and like play on the ground and just feel strong, like let's go, let's, let's hit the gym right now.
Cause I'm ready. And so many people resonated with that and it made me so happy. And I've had clients say to [00:23:00] me, like, you know, I was looking for a trainer and everyone that I went to was like, they're on their website. It was like weight loss. And your website was just like, do you want to get strong?
They're like, that's what I came here for. So I think that there is definitely an improvement lately. Then it was that they kind of came along, but that's a whole new conversation. But to have those conversations at a younger age is going to just be so much. It's just like, like, hope for the future.
Jess: I just, I think about it in terms of myself, and then I have two sisters that are fairly similar [00:23:30] in age too, and I think about how I don't want to say how much more powerful we could be if we had these messages earlier on, but I think back to middle school years, because the middle school, time is like that transition and you start going through puberty and it's awkward and it's messy and it's weird and it's, there's a lot of like drama and all the things, but that's when I remember being so much more self aware over how my clothes fit and what I wore and what I looked like and my hair and, oh, girls are starting to wear makeup [00:24:00] and this and that.
And it was also the early 2000s. Where it was the thinner the better and that was that was like the quote unquote ideal body type Which is hilarious that the ideal changes every 10 years or so,
nevertheless, that was it. It was in the days of like, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and like, all of those with like, low rise jeans and whatever else.
And
Kristin: Terrible period of
time.
Jess: oh my gosh, I know. But growing up in that and then having a body type that was so different from [00:24:30] that and just having that message of like, well, I can't achieve that. I'm not that. I'm not that. And struggling so hard with that. But that messaging and the way that I felt about my body Extrapolated out into, like, how I showed up at school, how I showed up in my school work, or the willingness to learn, or the openness to be an active participant in school things, right?
And just seeing that, and not just saying, like, oh, woe is me, my childhood was so, not like that at all. It was still a great, like, I [00:25:00] still, I grew up in a small enough town that, like, still know what, like, certain middle school teachers are doing with their lives, right? Like, it was not a bad experience.
Objectively or subjectively, right? But just the amount of struggles that went through that when you just like don't know who you are and your body is changing so much anyways and then you receive these messages from so many different places, that if you had this like, cornerstone of hey, here's this like series of workshops that are going to at least start the process in your brain to say like, there's an alternative to [00:25:30] this.
Kristin: Mm hmm. 100%.
Jess: Although I will say, in interacting with middle school kids these days, they're more put together than I was even in like, college. With their like, hair and style and all of the things. And I'm like, oh god, do I know how to relate to
Kristin: Right. I used to coach middle school girls soccer and they probably looked at me like, wow, Coach Kristen is a mess. We were not the same when we were in middle
school.
Jess: No, no, it seems like they're just, there's self awareness so [00:26:00] much earlier. So maybe, maybe I need to be in elementary school, so I'm not sure. But we're exploring this to find like, age range, but still.
Kristin: Can I turn the tables on you right now? sure.
All right. 'cause you just mentioned how you felt in middle school and, you know, like a little hesitation going into classes and things like that. What gave you the confidence?
Jess: Like to continue going to
Kristin: Yeah, like what
Jess: doing things and showing up?
Kristin: if you were, if you were feeling, because at that point in time, like again, like you said, like we're looking at Britney Spears and Christina Guiller, and you were like, I don't identify with, with [00:26:30] this. What gave you the confidence to do the things that you didn't like kind of overcome that.
Jess: I leaned into, because I was just thinking more in terms of like, say group projects, or like trying to befriend other people that weren't ones that you've been friends with since like elementary school. I loved school. I loved learning, so I was part of the Knowledge Bowl team, and did a ton with that.
I loved everything related to like, English and language arts and all of those areas, and so I used to like, I spent one entire summer recording books for my language arts class. [00:27:00] teacher, like recording books on tape because I loved reading out loud so much.
Kristin: That's awesome.
Jess: so those were still the ways that I showed up and the confidence piece of like, I genuinely liked school and I genuinely enjoyed learning.
And I'm sure that the reinforced messaging of family that was always like, Oh Jess, you're so smart. You're such a great student. I'm sure that those reinforcements definitely helped. But I did. I liked going to school, so I don't know how that helped me socially necessarily, but it
kept me going to school and doing things
Kristin: But you know what people were [00:27:30] saying that you're confident part of being confident is like being able to be a leader to lead reading books out loud. Like, not everyone has the confidence to do that. And like, record themselves doing it right. So there are little things again, and it's little things that you're doing that people don't even realize is like.
Yeah. Or that you might not even realize yourself as presenting as a confident person and you have that confidence in you and you can even realize, like, if you're taking charge of your group projects, you're a leader, you're, exuding that that confidence.
Jess: that I was also in band to [00:28:00] like first chair band for so long. And that it's so you saying this made me think about this. the way that we perceive ourselves. is not always accurate. Because I think about my, we'll just keep saying middle school experience, and how I perceived myself. And then reconnecting with people later in life that you went to school with through elementary school, middle school, high school, whatever it might be.
And the people, specifically in band, people that were in band with me, they were like, you led You were always at competitions, you, like, talking about being a leader, you were so confident, and you just [00:28:30] knew exactly what you were doing at all times with band and with school. It was just crazy to see, and you didn't care about any of the drama.
You know, their perception of me was like, this confident person, or this person who, like, knew what they were doing in school, and I'm like,
Kristin: See, it's the actions that we take.
Jess: See? Okay, so it was, like, a lot of our, our, perception, it's in our
head.
Kristin: People always tell me all the time, like, the perception that they have of me, which I think is so funny. like, a client came in last week and she was like, Oh my God, I had no gas. I was down to 10 miles in my gas tank and I made it [00:29:00] here. She's like, that's something you would never do. I know that you would never.
And I'm like, what do I put out there that makes them? Cause I'm always on E because I'm in New Jersey and we have to, we're not allowed to pump our own gas. And like, the worst thing ever is waiting for an attendant to come over. It's just like, wastes time. So I'm always like, just drive in my car until I absolutely need to stop for gas. But what am I giving off in the gym that makes my client think like, wow, this is not something Kristen would ever do. So it's just interesting when you hear what other people's perceptions are of you.
Jess: [00:29:30] Okay, so I'm in Oregon. We also pump up our own gas.
however, the shift in that is in certain areas, they have, like, self service options. if you go to Costco now, they have, like, two lanes that are attended, and then the rest are self serve.
And So there's that shift. And that only happened in the last couple years.
Which is, so this is hilarious, because every time you go to the gas station, you're watching, like, Oregonians try
to pump their own gas, and you're like,
what are you doing?
Kristin: I'm like, can I just get out and do it myself? It would be so much faster, more efficient, but I'm not allowed. [00:30:00] So here I am,
Jess: I think we're the only two states in the U. S.
Kristin: I really are, because I thought for some reason that we were the only state, but now that you're saying I'm like, well, that does sound familiar. I think I have heard that before.
Jess: oh my gosh. Yeah, okay, so, I'm just thinking about the kind of people that give off the, I always keep my gas tank at a quarter full
vibes. Yeah, I like that. That's the preparedness, the put together. Maybe, maybe it's confidence, but maybe it's just the general, like, I have my shit together.
Kristin: I think that that's what it is.
Jess: Which is what, honestly, at the end of the day, I mean, sure, [00:30:30] confidence is great, but I would just love to have that, like, semi put together vibe. most of the time, it's like, you know, fuck around and find out is how I live my life.
And most of us don't
really have it put together.
I don't
know. We definitely don't have it put together. I think I have it fairly put together, but we started this call with me not being able to use my headphones so I don't have it all put
It's just the universe reminders that we don't ever really have it put together. yeah, that's exactly it. okay Coming back around, I mean, I guess we've been talking about mindset this [00:31:00] whole time anyways.
We've talked about mindset as like the skill and as it being another muscle in your body. So we talk about confidence, we talk about growth mindset, we talk about those kinds of things. We've talked about confidence building tips. Do you have any more on mindset that you would want to talk about or touch on or any ways to build some of those muscles?
Kristin: Yeah. So again, I'm kind of going back and I feel like I always repeat myself, but it's because there's not like don't like people to have so [00:31:30] much to have to worry that,
Jess: and repetition for emphasis. It
helps
us retain things.
Kristin: is everything, but the mindset is all about taking control, understanding that it can be changed, and not just accepting like, just the way Jess is, like, no, F that.
Like you, if you, there's something about yourself that you want to change, you can change it. And that sounds like every, like, Instagram guru. Right. Everyone thinks that they have all the solutions for everything and maybe, maybe they do, but, keeping it simple. It's just taking control, [00:32:00] knowing what your triggers are, knowing what you need to improve because without awareness, how can you change anything?
Right? So when I work with athletes, one of the things I like to help them with is their focus. Again, like we had mentioned earlier, things that, a misplayed ball, a missed shot, things like that, and what your reaction is. So your mindset has to be ready to say, I'm ready for this game when things go south.
I trust myself. I know that I'm prepared to take over and remediate any situation that needs to [00:32:30] be fixed. So what I mean by that is knowing your triggers would be I'm in the green zone. I'm feeling great. I'm doing everything that I need to do in the field. But all of a sudden I missed a couple of passes.
Things aren't going great. I'm now I'm in the yellow zone and I'm not standing as tall as I was. I'm not moving as quick as I was. If I miss more of those balls, now I'm starting to get into the red zone. And now my head is completely out of it. So by training your mindset, you have to know that you are able to keep yourself at the very least in that yellow zone. So again, identifying the triggers, [00:33:00] what is happening or what am I doing that is making me go from green to yellow? What are the things that are making me go from yellow to red, right? And I have a whole list that I do with my clients. And it's the things that you're saying to yourself, the body language that you have. What physically what you're doing. So that would be like, I'm sprinting at the beginning of the game. Cause I'm in the green by the time I'm in the red, I'm just, when is the coach going to take me out of this game? Right. So identifying your triggers and then setting yourself for success by knowing what to do to fix those triggers. So if I'm going [00:33:30] from green to yellow, I'm noticing this about myself. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to look at the scoreboard. I'm going to take a deep breath. I'm going to squeeze my ponytail. That's my physical action. And I'm just gonna say to myself, I got this. So you do a few things to kind of remind yourself. I'm in control here, right? My mindset, I'm strong. I can do this. And now I'm back in the green zone because I just took myself back out from the yellow.
Jess: Nice little reset.
Kristin: So it's all about, again, that first step for the, for the growth mindset is knowing you can do that. Don't let yourself just [00:34:00] go from green to yellow to red and say, F it. I guess I'll try again tomorrow.
Jess: this game is a wash. we're over it.
Kristin: 10 minutes in, but I'm out.
Jess: What are your thoughts on things like visualization, practices with self talk, which you kind of mentioned, or like mantras or those kinds of things? Because that's something so I do a lot of like mental performance stuff with my athletes for running and strength coaching, more so on the running side because we're in our heads for hours at a time when we're running.
So that mental piece is a [00:34:30] lot of set where you do go green zone, yellow zone, ah shit, we're in the red zone, back to the orange, back to the, you know, so you like kind of vary through depending on where you are in a race. So
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Kristin: Yep. Self talk. 100%. I love it. How we talk to ourselves is going to be another thing that just it's everything. Everything is about communicating to our mind. Right. What we're saying is what we're going to start believing. So if I'm telling myself, I have a foul shot. Oh God, I'm not good at this. I'm not going to be able to make this.
This is, this is such a waste. Like I'm already, I might as [00:35:00] well just put the basketball down and walk away because there's no chance that I'm coming close to making that shot. But if I'm standing there and I'm telling myself, all right, Kristen, you got this. And if you don't, you have another shot at it.
Like you just need to let yourself believe it's and I hate the fake it till you make it, but it's in that kind of realm just because you need to start telling yourself in order to get to the part where you fully understand that you're capable.
Jess: it's the putting in reps. I think that's part of that too, is it's not necessarily a fake it, it's like keep trying
is the [00:35:30] point, right? Yeah,
Kristin: into visualization too, right? Because when you put yourself in all of these situations, and if I tell my athletes like, okay, visualize yourself in that game. I don't want them to sit there and think about. Scoring the best goal. Lifting the trophy, right? that's like the easy part. We want to think about all the other situations that it can be in, and that's putting in reps too, right? It might not be physical reps, but imagining yourself and picturing yourself in every sort of situation that you could possibly find [00:36:00] yourself in, you're going to be able to react faster when it happens.
So if I'm envisioning, okay, I made this pass, it got intercepted, and now I have to go back, what does that look like when I'm, when I'm doing it? Where am I going to go? What's my direction for that scenario? Then when it happens, I automatically, almost automatically know, because my brain is like, we've been here before, we know what to do, if physically I haven't been there before.
Jess: I like that a lot and that's something too
that are you familiar with like mental contrasting at all? It's similar to [00:36:30] visualization, but it's that, like you were saying, you're anticipating, we're visualizing positives. But we're also visualizing, I'm going to say negatives.
What are the potential things that can happen and working through those? Because I think the conception of visualization for a lot of people is like the trophy and the winning goal or the winning basket or crossing the finish line and what it's going to feel like. Okay, sure. My athletes love to visualize it.
finishing that 26. 2 miles and crossing the finish line, hitting stop on their watches and just like [00:37:00] flopping over, you know, it's amazing for all of the months of hard work that led to that.
Kristin: Right.
Jess: But we also have to visualize what am I going to do if I don't get to poop before I start my race?
How am I going to handle that?
What am I going to do if suddenly my stomach is completely sour on race day and it's really hard to eat my breakfast? What's my plan?
Right? And so working through those things, so when they do happen, there is less panic. And there's like, okay, we've worked through this before. Not in [00:37:30] reality, but our brains have worked through it.
So how are we going to handle it? And having that contrast of all of the anticipated obstacles of something. So that's what mental contrasting is, is anticipated obstacles in pursuit of a goal and the visualization of those. So the contrast of, Oh, how it's going to feel when I achieve my goal
versus how it's going to feel hitting all these roadblocks along the way.
Kristin: Right. And it's almost like we're preparing ourselves for those situations when things you cramp up. What is, what are you going to do? You can't panic and say, Oh my God, this [00:38:00] is taking time off. You have to say time off of what I want to be hitting. You have to just say like, okay, I have this cramp going to do this. I'm going to just wait a minute, let it play out, do whatever I have to do and know that I'm going to be able to start restart again.
Jess: If we haven't done any kind of consideration of when stuff goes wrong, when it does happen, we're more likely to panic. You're like, oh, but I thought all about how it was going to feel when I won this thing,
when I finished and I was done. And I was like, I sat there and I went through every single like sense.
I saw it. [00:38:30] I felt it. I smelled it. I, you know, tasted just the joy at the end. And then you're like, Oh,
Kristin: right. It's going to be a bigger if that's not what happens.
Jess: Exactly. So I like that. I like just. The conversation around the anticipating obstacles, because this going forward in the game, in a race, but just goal setting in general, I don't think there's enough conversation around that, of like, hey, life happens, life is what happens when you're busy making those plans, when you're busy
setting those goals and trying to achieve them. how do you handle [00:39:00] that?
Kristin: things that I do with my coaches when we meet, we forecast any obstacles that we see coming up, right? And those obstacles can be winter break. What's going to happen to the girls when they come back? They're going to be lagging. We want to come back from winter break and get back into the swing of things as quickly as possible. exams, exam week is always going to come up. Right? We can't act surprised that everyone is freaking out because it's exam week or juniors are starting to get acceptance. Seniors are starting to get acceptance letters. So forecasting all of those things kind of [00:39:30] plays into the visualization preparation thing, right?
You want to be aware of what's happening so that you can best prepare yourself and then not have to panic, especially for the things that always come up. Breakups, things like that, we can't anticipate so much. You can also plan for it when that happens. if you're able to control as much as you can ahead of the game. you're ahead of the game,
Jess: it's not just games, goals, those things, but it's business, it's life, it's marriage. It's all of those areas that if we're, we're just thinking about, Oh, when this [00:40:00] happens
and then it's onto this next thing and la la la. Well, no,
Kristin: right?
Jess: the universe always has other plans.
Kristin: Always. So that's why I always say, and I
try to practice as much as I preach it, controlling everything that I have control of, because I know that things are always going to happen. And I'm like a very structured person. I like to know exactly what's going to happen in my day, but I am at the point in my life where I finally have accepted that things are going to happen. Clients are going to cancel or need to reschedule or whatever the case may be. My son's going to get [00:40:30] sick. I'm going to get that phone call. And I used to be like fully derailed by that call, like, Oh God, like I had all this work to get done. Now I'm like, cool. I just get to spend time with my son now and the rest of that stuff is going to get done when it gets done.
Jess: That's a lot of cognitive flexibility,
Kristin: Yes, took a while to fully get there but it's amazing what you can train yourself to do.
Jess: it's a continual practice because I fall very similar to how you are. And it took a long time because I was like, all right, I have X, Y, and Z to do today. Come hell or high water. I'm doing it. And then [00:41:00] things happen. And you're like, but I, can I let go of that? I don't. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. the control, the controllables.
I, I like to think of this too. So two things with clients. we talk about hitting bare minimums or non negotiables. So when talking about like anticipating obstacles and those things. And so that's one thing like in our weekly check ins, like what obstacles are you anticipating this week? What is coming up in your schedule that will potentially derail you from Getting in the runs that you need to prepare for this marathon, or if we're working on nutrition eating the meals [00:41:30] that you have planned for yourself, or whatever it might be, right?
what's gonna derail you? Okay, how do we anticipate working through those, and what are our daily non negotiables so that we're working towards those goals? And then hitting those. I mean, I've had a season, and I don't say this to complain, like, it's life, of just the universe being like, here are 27 things in the last 3 months, good luck.
And so then for me, like, I had to start setting bare minimums for myself. No matter what, 20 minutes of movement a day. Ideally, more than a dog walk. Dog [00:42:00] walks will suffice, but if you could just walk out into your garage, grab some dumbbells, and move for 20 minutes, I promise you mentally and physically you're gonna feel so much better.
it was daily, daily bare minimums of, at least a serving of plants in every meal I ate. So that I'm making sure it's not about like, Oh, I'm being super healthy. It's like, no, I'm getting micronutrients in because this is what's going to help nourish me. Right. And setting those things when life happens, because how we show up on those, those days, I'm going to say our worst days, but through these stressful trying times, enhances
how we're able to show up on [00:42:30] our best days.
Kristin: Exactly. And if you're able to eat more vegetables and you're able to make a longer than 20 minute walk, awesome, but you don't have to. So it just feels like, ah, this feels lighter. I can make this happen. So I do love that the non negotiable list.
Jess: Yeah. It makes it helpful. And it's nice to fall back on. And I think that that's something too, that if I'm like, okay, I'm setting myself up for success to have these small things and it's not, the list is not 10 things long. It's not okay. a hundred ounces of water in this many plants in this many minutes of movement in this [00:43:00] many hours of sleep and blah, blah, blah.
Sure. Yeah. We, we inherently know those kinds of things to take care of ourselves, you know, but it's setting, okay. What, three things are most
important in this season that.
I want to hit every single, every single day.
Kristin: Yep.
Jess: And then working from that, yeah.
Kristin: Doing it short is another key component to the,
success in that,
Jess: yeah, and it's just like making it, because we love to, say over complicate,
but we love to, yes, and I'm trying to, there's a better word I want, and I'm not sure what it is in this instance, but when we're [00:43:30] like, oh, well, I want to set non negotiables for myself, and that's great. Yes, I love the idea of 20 minutes of movement and a serving of plants with every meal and aiming to 100 grams of protein.
Like, those have been my three. But if I'm doing that, it's really not that hard to think that I could drink 100 ounces of water a day and make sure I journal 10 minutes every night before bed and, and, and, and. Because all these things are quote unquote easy and simple. When the whole point is to give yourself some, I'm gonna say quick wins, but know that you're doing small things to take care of yourself in an [00:44:00] effort to
like, those skills.
Kristin: And not to go on too long about that but I feel like that's also, about what athletes do in that situation, right? Talking about, oh, it's, it's so simple. I can do it. Expectations. And I don't even want to complete tangent because I could talk about this for hours too. But you don't need to have the highest, most unrealistic expectations in order to find success or to challenge yourself.
Athletes think that they need to, well, my expectations weren't high enough. They also weren't realistic enough, right? You need [00:44:30] to have a little bit of self awareness. And be realistic, you're non negotiables, if you've never had 100 grams of protein before, you need to start at a lower number, right? not you obviously, but an athlete.
Just because they can do something doesn't mean, or that they have this idea of being able to do something, doesn't mean that they have to do it. So like have realistic expectations and understand that a lot of the times that's going to be more, it's going to do more for you than trying to to be someone that has to have these highest expectations.
And even if I [00:45:00] don't make them, at least I expected the most of myself. It's like, no, it's not going to be long term the more you don't achieve those things. If you didn't cross off any of your non negotiables because you had a list of 20, It's not gonna set you up for the success, which is the purpose of the list,
Jess: I like that in that tangent too hard on this, but it just makes me think about self compassion as a skill. So when we set those expectations for ourself and having again, Oh, I didn't set my expectations high enough. I didn't do whatever the self self compassion is that piece of [00:45:30] like, okay, I can create for myself a just manageable challenge in this, if we're talking about performance, But then it's also.
Being realistic with ourselves and kind to ourselves through that process. So we're not necessarily letting ourselves off the hook of like, Oh, I'm not trying to achieve bigger things. I'm trying to build on that
self efficacy and those skills to reach that place.
Kristin: Yeah, I feel like a lot of athletes believe that if they reach their expectations, It's because they weren't set high enough. so they have to set high enough that they can't hit them
Jess: Yep.
Kristin: just so they can be [00:46:00] like,
Jess: this is what I'm striving towards.
And you're like, mm, how does that work out for you?
Kristin: Right.
Jess: Just curious. My gosh. Okay. So if there was one thing that you wanted the Sturdy Girl listeners to take away from this episode and from our conversation together, what would it be?
Kristin: you are in control.
Jess: I like that. Simple.
Control the controllables.
Kristin: it's a game changer. I'll tell your listeners right now, make a list of things that you can control and what you can't control. Forget literally everything that you can't [00:46:30] control for the next seven days. Focus on all the things you can control and then let us know how you're feeling and what you actually accomplish.
Jess: it's such a good reminder because I think a lot of people listening will be like Well, yeah, I know. Inherently we do, but we need that reminder
regularly of what we're actually in control of
Kristin: Yes. We know, we know a lot of things, right? We could also work out on our own, but I have a whole list of people that come to see me every week because it's not as easy as that, right? You know what to do, but it's doing it. So, putting the work, taking control, [00:47:00] and making the right choices for, for what you want to do.
Jess: I like that. Okay, fun questions unrelated to anything coaching. Do you have a favorite kind of cookie?
Kristin: if I had to choose, I would go oatmeal raisin, very unpopular opinion. With walnuts.
Jess: I am learning to be less against raisins in things in recent times. For a long time I was very against it, so.
Kristin: think those are the things I like raisins in, to be honest. Like, I'm not a raisin person, but for some reason a warm oatmeal raisin [00:47:30] cookie just hits the spot.
Jess: Is there another dessert that you'd be keen on? Because you're like, if I had to pick a cookie.
Kristin: I
like, like, an apple pie would be my go to.
Jess: Nice. With ice cream or no?
Kristin: Vanilla ice cream, of Okay, okay. What is one activity that brings you joy and takes attention away from your body?
love to read.
Jess: so then the follow up question then is,
what is The number one book you've recommended or given as a gift?
Kristin: Um, the first one is gonna be, like so cliche, but it's the Catcher in The Rye Catcher in the Rye. like the book in high school that actually [00:48:00] turned me into a reader. and then a book that I've actually recently either given or recommended to a lot of clients and friends is The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo.
Jess: Hands down one of my favorite books I've read in
the last, like, six years.
Kristin: so good. I've told like, five people in the last two months and they're like, you need to give us more book recommendations, which is my nightmare because I'm like, I don't read a lot of good books, guys.
Jess: people will ask for book recommendations and reading preferences are so particular and I read across so many genres [00:48:30] anymore that I'm like, I mean, do you like smut? Do you like fantasy? Do you want some sci fi? Some thrillers? Do you want a rom com? tell me what you want here, because I like a lot of things, and I don't want to, like, accidentally give you, like, a romanticy series and have you be like, no, I was looking for wizards and warlocks, not a bunch of, not a bunch of, like, spicy scenes here, but okay.
Yeah, it's a hard thing, I think, too, with, like, recommended or giving as a gift. I've loved these interviews on Sturdy Girl because it spans everything from [00:49:00] like your favorite fiction read to people who are like you need to read like X, Y, and Z nonfiction book because it's going to change your life.
And then I'm like, Oh, I just got myself a book recommendation. Thank you. okay. And then last fun question. Do you have a favorite beverage?
Kristin: Um, I think the things that I drink the most would be water and beer. So, I would say beer could be my, my favorite beverage. I don't like anything else other than water and beer.
Jess: That's fair. Do you have a favorite kind of beer?
Kristin: I'm pretty boring. right now, [00:49:30] I'm in my shipyard pumpkin head era because fall. But um, yeah, I'm like light beers, nothing crazy, but I do like a pumpkin beer.
Jess: It is amazing to me, the amount of breweries and microbreweries out there,
Kristin: crazy. Like in towns that I like would never imagine have all these breweries. I'm like, what? There's a, like, there's one like behind my house. I'm like, where, where did this come from? They're popping up everywhere, which is not a bad thing, but.
Jess: What's wild, it's really cool to see too, when I was in college over a decade [00:50:00] ago, good lord someone I grew up with went to school for fermentation, it was like beer, like beer making was, and I forget what the term for their like degree was, but it was beer making and like getting into the industry and then they have, they have degrees for people in the wine industry and it's just crazy to see how cool it is.
I don't know how much it has grown, because I don't feel like it was as much of a thing, you know, growing up,
it's exploded. It's really cool. Okay, last
question for you. Where can audiences find you and learn more?
Kristin: I'm always on [00:50:30] Instagram. My handle is at coach Kristen Tullo and Kristen is spelled with two I's, no E's. So it's K R I S T I N. my website is thinkstrongplaystrong. com. yeah, I mean, I'm always on Instagram posting. I try to do it every day. Something helpful for athletes and coaches. To, um, improve their mental performance.
Jess: Props on the consistency.
Kristin: I
try.
Jess: been my, my weak point lately is, is showing up on
social, so
that's awesome.
Kristin: be, it can be a lot.
Jess: [00:51:00] It can, and I feel like the landscape has, has changed quite a bit. I think for me it's just been the like, where is my time best served right now? And so I've been doing a lot of podcast interviews and I still edit everything and so that's where like, my time is been.
Kristin: for sure. That
Jess: That's true.
Kristin: much time. You don't, You don't have time for Instagram.
Jess: I show up and I post and then I get off there and
try to, try to, keep it fun. But thank you so much for this conversation, I had a great time.
Kristin: Yes, likewise. Thanks so much for having me.
Jess: Thank you friends for listening to another episode of Sturdy Girl, we [00:51:30] will catch you next week.