Ep. 3: Is Body Positivity the Answer?
It's a common misconception that body positivity is the key to a healthy body image. In the latest episode of Sturdy Girl, we explore this myth and delve into the concept of body neutrality and acceptance. The importance of these principles in fostering self-compassion and understanding cannot be overstated.
Body positivity, as it's often portrayed in the media, is not the answer to having a healthy body image. The concept has been twisted and distorted, leaving out the bodies it was originally intended to celebrate. The reality is that positive body image goes beyond merely appreciating your appearance. It involves being attentive to your body's needs and processing appearance-related messages in a self-protective manner.
But what about the alternatives to body positivity? This is where body neutrality and acceptance come in. These concepts provide a space for self-compassion and understanding, allowing for a more balanced perspective towards your body. Body neutrality recognizes that feelings about our bodies change constantly and emphasizes the significance of acknowledging these feelings without judgment.
Body acceptance, on the other hand, is about coming to terms with your body as it is, not just about loving the way it looks. It's about celebrating the existence of your body and promoting body respect, even while tolerating uncomfortable feelings or thoughts about its appearance or abilities. This approach to body image is more peaceful and less focused on appearance.
We also delve into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a method that can help us cultivate a body-neutral mindset. ACT involves acknowledging negative thoughts without allowing them to control our actions. It's about accepting these thoughts as they are and continuing to pursue meaningful goals.
Body image flexibility is another crucial concept we explore in this episode. This refers to the ability to openly experience thoughts or feelings about the body without acting on them or trying to avoid them. It's about acknowledging these thoughts exist and continuing to live a values-driven life despite them.
Lastly, we emphasize the critical nature of self-respect and self-care to our body image. Regardless of our feelings about our bodies, they are worthy of respect and care. This means eating nutritious foods, sleeping enough, hydrating properly, moving our bodies in ways that feel good, and finding ways to play.
In conclusion, cultivating a healthy body image goes beyond body positivity. It involves embracing body neutrality and acceptance, practicing self-compassion, and adopting a flexible mindset towards body image. Join us on this enlightening journey as we redefine body image and embrace self-compassion.
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Speaker 1: 0:01
Hello friends, and welcome to Sturdy Girl, a podcast focused on strength, not size, where you'll hear conversations around healthy body image, cultivating confidence and being a resilient human in both body and mind. Sturdy Girl is the podcast where we shift the focus away from your appearance and on to living the big, rad life you deserve. Hello friends, and welcome to episode three of Sturdy Girl. Today we're going to be answering the question is body positivity the answer? I'm your host, Jess Heiss, joined by my co-host, megan Hello.
Speaker 2: 0:36
How's training going? Oh, you know, not going. No, it's not bad. I think I got on the assault bike for the first time in months. Yeah, it was painful. I kind of forgot what cardio is like, like that kind of cardio. I was going to say bike riding is cardio. It's completely different cardio yeah.
Speaker 1: 0:56
At this point you're kind of an off season. You're biking now for fun, and then you're transitioning back into Olympic lifting.
Speaker 2: 1:03
Yeah, and I really shouldn't say should, I shouldn't show it on myself. You would like to be? Yes, I would like to be lifting more consistently than I am right now, but you touched a barbell in the last week. I have not. Okay, fair, it was soon Soon.
Speaker 1: 1:20
Are you engaging in activities that you are enjoying?
Speaker 2: 1:24
Oh yeah, I think that I haven't been quite as physical like just going out and doing a lot of activities recently. I think I've been decompressing from race, from race season. Well, not even that, just the amount of traveling that I've done the last few months Was it something like race season? The travel, the stress of all of that, yeah, and that's been something in itself. So, no, it's good. I will definitely, I think, pick it back up.
Speaker 1: 1:49
I'm going to try to this week, yeah this might be one of them, because I'm in, at least You're on your own timeline?
Speaker 2: 1:54
Yeah, and I'm doing some Metcon-style workouts and brutal, it's all I need right now. So good, what about you?
Speaker 1: 2:02
I am in a completely new block of programming and I had D-Load week previous week and then this last week. I hit a triple in dead lifts at 315. And I think that was a volume PR. I hit 250 for four in squats and 250 for four.
Speaker 2: 2:22
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 2:24
Again a volume PR, and I think it was really reassuring because my body was starting to feel really tired and really like am I training the way I should be? Have I been deadlifting enough? Have I been squatting enough at the proper volume, all of those things. And then to just kind of show up with curiosity and extra coffee that always helps I just blow my expectations out of the water was really awesome. Yeah, so yeah, powerlifting is going well. And when is your meet? Nine weeks.
Speaker 2: 2:59
Oh, I know, I know it's going to be exciting.
Speaker 1: 3:02
Yeah, so that's going well. I got two runs in last week and those were just 45 minutes on the treadmill watching Netflix as a way to decompress. That being said, we've had such cooler mornings the last week that like it's so nice. I've been taking the dogs for a walk, but I definitely should be getting outside. Should Stop shitting on yourself, Jessica I would like to get out and run because this is the time of year, as the mornings get cooler, that's my favorite time to run. I love fall.
Speaker 2: 3:33
We're not. It's not fall yet. It will be soon, but it's starting to feel that crispness in the morning.
Speaker 1: 3:40
Yeah, that is training for me right now. So we've caught up on our training, caught up on life things. What is body positivity? The answer Megan.
Speaker 2: 3:54
I don't think so.
Speaker 1: 3:57
We can make this a really short episode. No, body positivity is not the answer, but it can be part of the answer. A preface to all of this the research on body image is relatively new. It's all kind of within the last 20 years and a lot of it focused on negative body image and its characteristics in relation to eating disorders and those kinds of things. Megan, I have a confession. Yes, when I first started researching for this entire podcast, this episode as well, but just the entirety of looking at what sturdy girl meant, what a healthy body image meant, it was actually against body positivity. Yeah, when I started looking at, is body positivity the answer? And I was like no, it's not, no, it's not, and had kind of a fixed mindset about body image.
Speaker 2: 4:52
Yeah, well, and what you thought body positivity meant, right?
Speaker 1: 4:56
And that's the big thing. Positive body image wasn't what I thought it was. Yeah, social media, media in general has painted this picture of positive body image being something else entirely from what research says. Positive body images, you know, I saw this notion of deeply loving yourself and was like no, absolutely Well loving yourself like I'm trying to think of the best word.
Speaker 2: 5:25
Like a fake or not fake, but like a superficial link.
Speaker 1: 5:28
Yeah, yeah, loving everything about your parents, or that level of almost cognitive dissonance. Yes, I'm going to look in the mirror and tell myself I love everything about me, but actually there's some level of self loathing and there's things I hate about myself. But by looking in the mirror and saying I love all these things, telling myself how much I love my body, like that's going to be the answer and that's body positivity. Yeah, can that?
Speaker 2: 5:51
actually solve the problem?
Speaker 1: 5:53
No, no, it can't. And you think about these girls on social media with their little sitting in the mirror side profile views, squeezing their little inch of belly, roll skin and being like I'm normalizing body positivity and body image. So we all have normal bodies, granted, all bodies are good bodies, thank you. But that is not the promotion of that is not positive body image.
Speaker 2: 6:17
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 6:18
There's such a big canyon between the two of like, if you're coming from a place of negative body image, of that piece, of not liking things about yourself or your appearance, or not feeling like you fit into societal norms, and people are just saying just love yourself, yeah just accept it, just turn, not even accept it.
Speaker 2: 6:36
Just say you love yourself, say you love yourself.
Speaker 1: 6:38
Yes, put on the bikini, do those things. There's a giant canyon between I'm here in this place of self loathing and you're telling me to go across this enormous canyon and just love myself, yeah.
Speaker 2: 6:50
That's not helpful and it's not getting the tools that you need. To cross that.
Speaker 1: 6:55
No, it's not even remotely attainable. And that's really, it's almost a level of toxic positivity. Yes, this positive body image movement.
Speaker 2: 7:05
Well, in toxic positivity, I think, is such a big part of social media now and I open my Instagram and it's in all different forms. It's with your job, with your life, with your appearance you have to live every part of everything. Yes.
Speaker 1: 7:19
Yeah, and that's again what I thought positive body image was, and that's not healthy. Think about how much the social media idea of body positivity doesn't work. When have you looked at an Instagram post that's promoting positive body image, with someone flaunting their body? When have you seen one of those read that caption and felt better about yourself?
Speaker 2: 7:44
You know, it's hard because I think that some people could see bodies that are similar to theirs, yeah, and be like this is great and I love this, and I see that and I go okay, they look like me. But I think this can also flip to comparison.
Speaker 1: 7:57
Yeah.
Speaker 2: 7:58
And maybe someone's doing that. That's how you think that they look so much better than you can obtain or something. And then you end up this ideal that's actually not attainable at all. Yeah, and then you start comparing like well, they look like this and even though they're portraying a message, it's like you should be positive and love yourself and like look at me. And then you're taking that away as like well, I'm not good enough, I don't look like that.
Speaker 1: 8:22
Yeah, and that's I mean, that's actually a really good point. It is a both and situation, because I think there's something to be said about seeing other people that look like you doing the things that you want to do Absolutely so, with you being in the competitive racing space, there's not a lot of women, so when you go to races or you see online that there are other females doing, these crazy Enduro races and all of these things doing the things they love, and you're like, well, heck, yeah, I can do that too, and it's almost empowering in a way to see other people with bodies like yours or the gender like yours doing those things and that can be really helpful. But the side of this that we are talking about is more that level of everything is positive all the time. How does that actually help us?
Speaker 2: 9:15
Does that actually work, and it's putting a spin on them. That's just positive, instead of actually maybe talking about some of the insecurities that you have around it. The nuance, yeah.
Speaker 1: 9:26
And that's one thing. Talking about research, there was a study done in 2019 that showed that body focus messaging on social media, even if it was positive, whether it was neutral, negative, whatever produced more self objectification than neutral, non body messaging.
Speaker 2: 9:44
Yeah, and that doesn't really surprise me because, again, if you're constantly looking at other people, there's going to be a comparison and you're going to be naturally going to do that.
Speaker 1: 9:57
That's part of being human, I feel like. And going along this line of social media, I saw the statistic that the hashtag body positive recently reached a milestone of one billion engagements.
Speaker 2: 10:12
Which, honestly, I want to say that I'm surprised by that, but I'm not.
Speaker 1: 10:17
And it just makes me interested, too, in how many people are using this in the context of promoting a healthy level of body positivity, which we'll get to in a minute, or if it is perpetuating that really pink washed, white washed body positivity, toxic positivity piece of. Just look in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself. Here's the thing when it comes to your body image. You can call it whatever you want, but improving your relationship with your body is the answer. What does healthy body image look like to you? So let's dive in. We are going to talk about body positivity, clearly, we're going to talk about body acceptance, body neutrality, and then we're going to introduce the sturdy girl mindset.
Speaker 2: 11:06
Yeah, I'm excited for that.
Speaker 1: 11:10
There's my little golden egg.
Speaker 2: 11:13
What do they call that when it's? Like dropping hints for the golden nugget. At the end, I'll like and think of it as Taylor Swift. She does that, like in everything.
Speaker 1: 11:23
I love it. Okay, I'm owed to Taylor Swift. Okay, what is body positivity?
Speaker 2: 11:31
I honestly I thought it was completely with what we were talking about. I didn't really know as far as like the history of it.
Speaker 1: 11:37
Go ahead. Do you want me to go into it first and then you can?
Speaker 2: 11:40
make your comments. Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 1: 11:42
So what is body positivity without discussing the origins of body positivity? Its origins were with the fat acceptance and liberation movement of the 1960s. Fat, black and queer activism are on the same time. Civil rights were gaining momentum. Huge, huge piece of this. So it was looking at promoting bodies that were otherwise shamed and pushed aside and were not marginalized.
Speaker 2: 12:10
They were marginalized.
Speaker 1: 12:11
Exactly, yeah. One big criticism of current body positivity is that it has been co-opted by small, white, able-bodied humans and capitalism and marginalizes the very bodies that it was meant to celebrate, and this is something. As I was doing, the research on body positivity was kind of a holy shit moment, because here we are two white able-bodied, straight-sized humans talking about body image.
Speaker 2: 12:41
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 12:42
And I didn't want to leave this out because I think it's a really important conversation to have is that the big focus of this podcast is to help people feel more included and trying to make this an inclusive space? Yes, okay, the working definition of positive body image. Let's talk about this. It's multi-dimensional and it has three core components. So the first one is appreciation of appearance and function of the body. It's broadly conceptualizing beauty, so saying there's not just one single standard for beauty, and that it's inner beauty as well as external beauty, so recognizing someone's qualities as well as external appearance.
Speaker 2: 13:26
It's kind of like lumped together.
Speaker 1: 13:28
Yeah. But this first point, appreciation of appearance and function some of us might get hung up on that a little bit, especially the appearance piece. Yeah, If you lean towards neutrality, acceptance, that side of things. Another part of that appreciation is adaptive appearance. Investment is what they call it in research. So taking care of yourself, that self-care piece of I respect and care for my body, so I'm going to have that reflected in my appearance. And the second component of positive body image is being aware and attentive to the body's needs. So self-respect, nourishing our bodies, self-compassion, all the things we talked about last week about getting through a bad body image day of taking care of ourselves. That is the second part of this positive body image. And then part of that too is perhaps not being responsive to body image disruptions. It's related to that inner positivity, looking at positive image of your body, positive feelings and how that relates to adaptive behaviors.
Speaker 2: 14:40
So the third one being it's the ability to process appearance related messages in a self-protective manner. So how do we respond to body image disruptions? So think about it like when we were talking about the waves coming in, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: 14:55
Disruptions are and how you were responding to that, if it's choppy, which is a plug if you haven't listened to last week episode on getting through a bad body image day. We talk about body image disruptions in great detail. These are like the waves when you're swimming in the ocean and how to get through them. So go listen to episode two.
Speaker 2: 15:14
Yes, definitely listen to episode two.
Speaker 1: 15:18
So the third part of positive body image is have we developed the skills to get hit with those waves and respond in a way that's self-protective, in a way that when great aunt so and so makes a comment about how you're eating a second helping a pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, you don't let that ruin your day or ruin your body image or your perception of self, because you've learned how to have space between someone else's words and your response to say actually, I really freaking love pumpkin pie and this is a day for enjoying myself, but thanks for noticing how much I'm eating.
Speaker 2: 16:02
And also one thing that I've kind of learned is you don't have to justify your behaviors to anyone. I mean, given, well, there's a little star to next to that, yeah, don't you do in really terrible behaviors, but you don't have to justify your own needs to other people. No, I think that that's kind of. They just reminded me of that when you said that statement of like well, I really like pie and you know you don't have to qualify at all.
Speaker 1: 16:27
I think a lot of times with family there's some kind of response that I just don't.
Speaker 2: 16:33
I just don't Okay, fair, just blank face. Stare my family as you shovel pie into your mouth.
Speaker 1: 16:40
I really aggressively leading a tower of whipped cream Anyway okay, so these three components of positive body image appreciation of appearance and function of the body, being aware and attentive to the body's needs and the ability to process appearance related messages in a self protective manner. Megan, does this jive with how you understood?
Speaker 2: 17:03
positive body image. No, I mean not with what I thought about it like positive body image was yeah, same it was.
Speaker 1: 17:11
I thought it was the level of everything that you experienced through social media and the conversations in the online space. This definition is a lot more workable for me in that positivity context. Oh, absolutely, because the way I understood it is everything that it's not Looking at like. I thought that body positivity was being highly satisfied with all aspects of your appearance and that look in your mirror and love everything about yourself. And that's not what it is, and that's. I have kind of a couple of things to talk as far as what else body positivity is not, and I think that this helps to round out the understanding of body positivity from a research perspective before we go on and tackle the others. Another piece of body positivity is it's not the absence of negative body image. It's not a continuum with negative body image at one end and positive on the other. No matter the relationship you have with yourself, with your body image, how you perceive yourself, you're going to have negative body image days. You're going to have moments or things that you say to yourself that are negative. We're human, it's normal and that's really important to recognize. No matter whether we're talking about this positivity, neutrality, acceptance, all of these, we're going to have times of that negative body image.
Speaker 2: 18:32
Oh, absolutely. I couldn't think of any time where I've always been 100% positive about I mean, I don't know honestly anything but my body image, fair, fair.
Speaker 1: 18:44
Another thing that body positivity is not is it's not limited to appearance at the exclusion of other body dimensions like body functionality, what your body can do, and that's something too. I thought that positive body image was all about how it looked and focusing on loving the appearance, when it's a lot deeper than that.
Speaker 2: 19:02
I thought it was like all outer appearance.
Speaker 1: 19:06
Same, and that's kind of how it comes across on social media.
Speaker 2: 19:09
Again, social media is very shallow, so anyway, it's hard to judge anything off of social media.
Speaker 1: 19:14
Okay, that was a lot about body positivity. Let's talk about body neutrality. Yay. I like this one, so do I so do I, but that doesn't mean that's my favorite, I just I happen to like this. Okay, yeah, working. Definition of body image neutrality Body image neutrality recognizes that. One our feelings about our body change constantly, so our best, mindfully observed, without judgment, sound familiar from last week. This is mindfulness. Number two, a central focus on what our body allows us to do and appreciating this that will lead us to respect and care for our body. And three, acknowledgement that our self worth encompasses both intrinsic qualities and extrinsic passions and de-emphasizes our appearance.
Speaker 2: 20:07
Yeah, and I think that a point of this is it's okay to not love your body right.
Speaker 1: 20:14
There's not a focus on appreciation for the appearance of your body, which can be valuable and can be something that you resonate with. Yeah, and I think this neutral approach of not having the binary it's either a loving or a loathing, it's a middle ground perspective, neutral, indifferent. I have a body, I have feelings that come up, but my focus is on myself as a human being, on being mindful, on letting thoughts come up without judgment and acknowledging that our self worth is not just, it's not our appearance, it's not appearance based.
Speaker 2: 20:50
Yeah it reminds me a lot of the act. Oh yeah, the acceptance of commitment therapy that we were talking about.
Speaker 1: 20:57
That I will say. The more that we get into the season, the more we discuss these things. Act comes up so frequently and it's just such a great series of skills to work on, whether it's body image or other areas of life, like you'd mentioned, with your therapist talking through anxiety and things. It's helpful. Yeah highly suggest. So body neutrality was popularized in 2015 by Anne Poirier and defined it as not supporting the hatred of our vessel or physical structure of our bodies, or the love and adoration of our vessel. She suggests focusing on body appreciation, counteracting negative body self talk with body neutral statements, and focusing on strengths and trends equalities as ways to cultivate that body neutrality. So body neutral statements I'm more than my looks. I'm more than my body. I'm inherently worthy of respect, things like you know, if you have those negative thoughts that come up, it's I don't feel good in my body today, but I'm still able to do the things that I enjoy doing or the things that I need to do.
Speaker 2: 22:12
Both and yeah, and I love the statement of just. I am more than my looks.
Speaker 1: 22:18
Yeah, and that's hard in this society. That is something that is sure At a surface level. I hear that I'm like, oh, I know.
Speaker 2: 22:25
Yeah, but it's very hard to practice yourself that application piece.
Speaker 1: 22:29
Yeah, there's not a lot of research on body neutrality specifically. A lot of the research is done on positive body image.
Speaker 2: 22:38
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 22:39
But again the positive body image definition that we talked about which has a piece of this. It does it really does have it built in. But body neutrality can remind us that we don't have to love our body to respect it, to nourish it, to listen to its cues or have gratitude for its abilities to keep us alive. We can allow things that are perceived as issues or problems when those negative thoughts arise, and allow them to just be.
Speaker 2: 23:05
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 23:06
To not get hooked by them, to not let it not dwell in our day or change how we react to things. Yeah, it allows you the opportunity to explore the root of those thoughts and those feelings.
Speaker 2: 23:20
I love it.
Speaker 1: 23:21
So that's body neutrality.
Speaker 2: 23:23
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 23:24
And I think that again it ties a lot into those act principles.
Speaker 2: 23:29
Maybe that's why I love it so much.
Speaker 1: 23:31
You're familiar with those pieces. That makes a lot of sense. Okay, so the next piece of this is body acceptance. Now a side note before we go into kind of definitions and discussion. I put up an Instagram story while I was doing research for this episode and I said what does healthy body image mean to you? And I gave the options of positive body image, neutral body acceptance or something else. And out of the almost 200 people that voted, almost 70% of them said body acceptance was a healthy body image. That's what I voted for, and what I found interesting in this is that every single person that voted for positive body image being the definition of healthy body image was a man. Oh, that's interesting. Again, this is a very small sample size of my own social media audience.
Speaker 2: 24:30
Yeah, but that's an interesting point.
Speaker 1: 24:32
But I really it made me even more excited to have this conversation today, because body acceptance actually falls under body neutrality and actually falls under body positivity.
Speaker 2: 24:43
It's kind of like encompasses.
Speaker 1: 24:45
It does, and so to discuss this, I feel like, provides even more perspective.
Speaker 2: 24:51
So that's not interesting?
Speaker 1: 24:53
Yeah, yeah, I wonder why body acceptance, since this resonated with so many of you as the answer to a healthy body image. It's loosely defined as treating our bodies with respect and care, including all of our deepest insecurities and knowing that some days will be harder than others. It's being able to reflect on why you feel negatively about your body and how you can find peace with your body without wanting to change it. Body acceptance isn't about loving the way your body looks or feels. It's about accepting your body as your own, no matter what it looks like, no matter its size, its shape, its weight or physical state. It's celebrating the very existence of your body, promoting that body respects, even while tolerating any uncomfortable feelings or thoughts about its appearance or abilities, sound familiar, very similar. These pieces of body respect, of care, of not responding to those negative things that come up that's body image neutrality.
Speaker 2: 25:53
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 25:54
That also encompasses parts of body positivity.
Speaker 2: 25:58
So they all kind of like overlap a little bit in areas they do they do.
Speaker 1: 26:04
I mean, they're each their own domains and have their own definitions, but the amount of overlap and their lens itself to this conversation. When I was making notes for this episode, I quoted a book, so it was like in quotations and I don't remember where this was from, but it talked about body acceptance and it said that body acceptance is not necessarily loud and demonstrative. It's not showy. It can be a quiet, softness, a gradual lessening of negative thoughts, the peace that comes with no longer being at war with your body and its appearance. And that really just stuck with me about body acceptance is that it's not a showy thing. It doesn't feel like the body positivity, movement and internally, your experience of this can feel calm. Yeah, it can feel like a coming home to understanding our bodies, respecting its feelings, your thoughts about your body, all of those things and not being at war with yourself. Yeah, because that's honestly what a lot of us spend so much time doing wasting energy on being at war with our bodies for how it's supposed to look or how we're supposed to feel, or on the days when we don't feel good about ourselves and we try for that piece of neutrality. But we're mad at ourselves and we've gotten to neutrality because we've been conditioned to think that we have to love everything about ourselves and that body positivity.
Speaker 2: 27:35
Yeah, we can't have just an accepting neutral outlook on ourselves.
Speaker 1: 27:41
Yeah, exactly One little side note and then we'll go into honestly, my favorite part of this episode. The National Eating Disorders Association actually has a body acceptance week in October. It's like the end of October that they promote body acceptance and you have like a little thing that you can pledge online and sign it to work on body acceptance. But what I found really interesting is their definition of body acceptance includes body positivity, body neutrality and even body liberation. So food for thought there when we're making these definitions about body image.
Speaker 2: 28:18
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 28:19
We get to choose how we define it. And now my favorite part of this episode. We're going to talk about something called body image flexibility, and most of this will sound familiar because it is parts of body positivity, body neutrality and body acceptance. It's defined as the ability for one to openly experience thoughts or feelings about the body without acting on them or trying to avoid or change them. Being able to notice, acknowledge and accept that these thoughts exist. Accept that they're there, openly and with an attitude of self-compassion.
Speaker 2: 28:58
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1: 28:59
We're going to talk every episode about self-compassion. Well, it's so important it is. But at the same time those things can come up and we can continue to pursue meaningful goals and other important areas of our lives without trying to suppress those negative thoughts with unhealthy coping strategies like we talked about last week, where we're trying for those quick fixes or maybe it's time for another new diet, or you need to go buy new clothes, or maybe I'm going to try a different kind of Botox, or whatever it is. Quick fixes, punishing yourself even more in the gym, whatever it is. Body image flexibility is being able to acknowledge that those thoughts exist, but we can still do the things that matter to us. We can still pursue our goals, live that values-driven life.
Speaker 2: 29:45
Yeah, it really points out to the we're more than our body Like. Again, that's what it comes down to.
Speaker 1: 29:51
Yeah, and the body image flexibility is connected to other adaptive psychological processes and relates that to lower incidences of eating disorders, body image issues, mental health disturbances. Yeah, the research on body image flexibility. I was like highlighting everything when I was reading about this because I'm like this is it? Yeah, I don't care if you call it positive body image, I don't care if you call it acceptance, neutrality. Can you learn cognitive flexibility in these moments, in these times that are going to come up for the rest of your life?
Speaker 2: 30:32
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 30:33
We can't get rid of them. We're never going to get rid of all of our negative thoughts. Yeah, it's just not going to happen.
Speaker 2: 30:38
But we can learn to live with them. Live with them, how to react to them.
Speaker 1: 30:42
Or not react at all. Mm-hmm, let them come and, let them go. Yeah, and that's the. This is the star, star, star of the whole episode. Call it what you want. Learn this flexibility piece and also look at this as maybe your goal is positive body image and you want to learn ways to love yourself and appreciate your appearance and have those pieces. Maybe that part of it resonated with you the most. That's awesome, mm-hmm. But maybe you wake up and you start having all these negative thoughts about yourself and on that day, the distance between your thoughts and positive body image feel like that enormous canyon.
Speaker 2: 31:24
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1: 31:25
Is neutral body image more accessible.
Speaker 2: 31:28
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 31:29
Is accepting your body more accessible. Make that be the answer. That's what this body image flexibility is about. Is what is accessible to you in each of these experiences, in this series of thoughts you're having right now. Yeah, so an example of practicing body image flexibility You're at lunch with your great uncle, who is forced to watch a video of you powerlifting Sound familiar, sturdy girl, mm-hmm. And he calls you a sturdy girl and makes comments about the size of your body not being what it should be.
Speaker 2: 32:06
Yeah, the physical appearance.
Speaker 1: 32:08
Yeah, so you get these comments. And sure was I able to turn it around. Yes, but initially it was rude, yeah, and those negative thoughts about my body came up.
Speaker 2: 32:20
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 32:21
Of like well, you're like, I used to be smaller and I used to look different and I used to see me before and known me my whole life.
Speaker 2: 32:27
So maybe I should be smaller. Oh, should, should, should.
Speaker 1: 32:32
But I let those negative emotions, those feelings come up, yeah. And instead of hooking myself on those Inspiraling, I realized sturdy means not fragile, yeah. Sturdy means that I am not weak, yeah, Strong. And instead it's recognizing that most people in this situation would react the same way I did, which was to like gasp and want to tell him he was being a rude jerk.
Speaker 2: 33:02
Yeah.
Speaker 1: 33:04
But that pause between their words and my reaction took me from what the hell to. I'm actually very sturdy, yeah, thank you, and have that piece of self kindness, have that relation of common humanity, that piece of self compassion that says most people would have the same reaction I did. Most people go through these similar situations, yeah, and remind myself that it's not about my appearance, because I feel really freaking strong and actually really great in this body most of the time.
Speaker 2: 33:37
Yeah. So, there's an example? Yeah, do you have one? I mean, even when I was kind of in the height of lifting more, I definitely have had more than one family member comment on my shoulder size or the way my arms looked. I mean, even when I got married, I think in my wedding photos my arms looked big, not big as in like I was lifting a lot at the time they looked amazing.
Speaker 1: 34:06
They were very muscular.
Speaker 2: 34:07
They were very muscular. But I definitely got some comments on that. And that's funny because at first I was like, like I'm not small, but at the same time I was always proud of it. So when they commented that, they saw it as a negative but I saw it as a positive.
Speaker 1: 34:21
But did it make you question yourself in the moment when you have family members that are like saying things in a negative way about an appearance based thing that you actually felt good because you worked your ass off to?
Speaker 2: 34:34
build bolder shoulders, yeah, but it always seemed to have that moment where, when it first comes out, where you kind of think about it and they're like, okay, I see where this comments going yeah, and it's kind of like recognizing what they're saying but also knowing, like how I feel about the way that I looked, yeah, and I was like, well, I think I look great, so you feel good in your body.
Speaker 1: 34:57
Yeah, you recognize that. Maybe for them, their perspective on body image or healthy body, as I'm using your quotes is a smaller body. Yeah, is someone who has a petite and feminine frame or something like that, and that's what they've internalized. That's something for me that I've had to recognize when people make comments about my body is it's often a reflection on their internalized norms for bodies? Yeah, but awesome example body image flexibility.
Speaker 2: 35:30
I love how we always look of a family member example. We love our family, we love them. Yes, we really do.
Speaker 1: 35:37
So the last part of this episode is about the sturdy girl mindset. And then, just to wrap this up all together, one big piece of this Our bodies are forever changing. Our relationship with our bodies is ever changing. Pick the type of body image that resonates the most with you. If none of them fully resonate with you, take it on a day by day basis of what is going to help you get through the day in a healthy, constructive way. Is it body positivity, body neutrality, body respect, body acceptance, body love, body appreciation, confidence, body liberation. These all mean that you work on improving the relationship with yourself, with acceptance and appreciation of your body, and I don't say any of this to minimize the struggle that it takes to work on a healthy body image, to work on our relationship with ourself. I say this because I want you to find the term that resonates with you most and go with that work on that and know that you might be going between them.
Speaker 2: 36:50
Maybe you're in the boat of flexibility and you might have days where you're very positive, your body positive, and days where you need to be really neutral or you know, or just accepting Absolutely.
Speaker 1: 37:02
And that's. That's really no matter what type you choose. There are a few key things to focus on, and that's where Sturdy Girl comes in, where we talk about so much as far as resilience physical and mental but when body image disturbances come up, how do you respond? And another key thing with that your body is worthy of respect and care, no matter its physical appearance or your feelings about your body. That is the number one takeaway, sturdy Girl mindset, whether you call it any other type of body image, your body is worthy of respect and care. I don't care how you were feeling about it. I don't care if you have that negative body image space or you're in this negative spiral. You still need to take care of you. Yeah, Are you eating nutritious foods? Are you sleeping enough? Are you drinking enough water? Are you dehydrated, houseplant? Are you moving your body in ways that feel good to you? Are you finding ways to play? I just finished a book about playing and the science of play and now I'm obsessed, so that's important.
Speaker 2: 38:20
I do a lot of playing.
Speaker 1: 38:22
It's. It is so important as a healthy human to play. But also the words you say to yourself matter, and that's another thing in this body respect piece, the words, the tone, the things that you say. Would you say them to a friend, right, that friend test from last week? And another piece of that is your self-worth is not defined by your appearance. So resilience, I'm being sure you know your body is worthy of respect and care, no matter how you're feeling, Understanding that your body image will fluctuate. So practicing that piece of body image, flexibility is super important, no matter what camp of body image you fall into. Lastly, the relationship with yourself is the longest and most intimate of any you'll ever have. It's worth cultivating a good one. I love that. I think I've said this in every episode, but it just. Megan and I are both married. Think about being with your partner. Could you be in a long-term relationship with them if they constantly said mean things to you? Could you be in a long-term relationship with someone that you didn't love or at least like, or at least find nice things to say? We are stuck in our heads from the beginning to the end. If we're not treating ourselves with respect, kindness, compassion, taking care of ourselves. What are we doing? Okay, I think that I'm like, I feel like fired up right now because I freaking love everything about this. Yeah, and I didn't know that this is how we were going to conclude this episode until I was doing all this research and I mean, megan knows this. I'll tell you guys, I had 20 pages of notes for this episode alone and I had to sit with Megan for over. There was a lot of editing two hours at this point, bringing it down to four, four and a half, because there was so much information I wanted to impart here about the research and the nuance and all of those pieces. And then you realize the similarities between each of these modalities and realize they all include that body of respect, they all include that personal resilience, they all include that cognitive flexibility piece of the space between action and reaction and what we want to take away from that. Yeah, they all include that relationship with ourselves. What more can we ask for? Do we have anything else to add? You're just smiling over there.
Speaker 2: 41:17
Because I love this, you're so passionate about it, I'm like, yeah, go on.
Speaker 1: 41:20
You see me like waving my arms over here.
Speaker 2: 41:23
Okay, it was your moment. I was giving it your own. Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: 41:27
I'm just going to drop the mic and walk away now. Was there one takeaway from this for you, from all of this reading that I threw your way?
Speaker 2: 41:39
I didn't really have a word for it, but I think that I honestly resonate the most with body neutrality. Yeah, and I definitely think that my opinion on what body positivity has changed.
Speaker 1: 41:52
No, I completely agree and I think on a day to day there is this level of body image neutrality for me, just in that recognition of respect, self-care, mindfulness. I talked about this with my therapist today. Actually I said that for a long time the thought of mindfulness felt woo-woo and I kind of pushed it aside. And in the last few months, as I started doing all this reading for Sturdy Girl, realizing the importance of mindfulness as just being able to be aware of your thoughts, be aware of where you are in the space and time, of that groundedness. It's not woo-woo, it's being able to be present in our own bodies. And that's so important. So for me, on a day to day, there is that piece of body image neutrality, but there are portions of the others that I take away too. So that's why I just talking about that Sturdy Girl mindset for me of resilience, of respect of self-care, and leaving it at that, can I practice that cognitive flexibility, that body image flexibility on the day to day? That, for me, is the biggest takeaway that I've learned just from doing this research.
Speaker 2: 43:07
Your 20 pages. You brought it down.
Speaker 1: 43:11
It was good. It was good, yeah. So thanks so much for listening. Friends, this is the end of episode three. You get to decide. Is body positivity the answer for you?
Speaker 2: 43:23
It's not for us and not for me, but definitely aspects of it.
Speaker 1: 43:28
Absolutely. Yeah, we hope you enjoyed listening. Catch us next week as we do our very first interview with a wonderful friend and dietitian, jen Scott, as we discuss body image, disordered eating and all that that entails. Talk to you soon, friends. Bye. If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please feel free to follow, subscribe, like whatever the heck you do with podcasts. As always, stay sturdy, friends, and I'll talk to you next week.
Speaker 2: 43:58
Goodbye