Episode 2: Navigating Bad Body Image Days: strategies for living a big, rad life
Every one of us, at some point in our lives, has faced the struggles of body image. It's those days when you teeter on the edge of a negative body image spiral that can be incredibly challenging. This episode of Sturdy Girl dives into these struggles, sharing personal experiences and offering practical strategies to navigate these challenging days.
The episode begins with hosts Megan and Jess opening up about their own experiences with body image anxieties. Megan shares her apprehensions about appearing in a swimsuit during a resort trip, while Jess talks about her battles with the scale in the often unforgiving world of powerlifting. The shared experiences aim to offer solace and provide practical strategies for dealing with tough body image days.
Throughout the episode, we explore the deeper aspects of body image, revealing that it extends far beyond physical appearance. Coping strategies are discussed, including recognizing triggers for negative body image thoughts, dealing with discomfort, developing resilience, and learning to let go of negative thoughts without judgment. It's all about embarking on a journey of self-awareness and acceptance, and we're right there with you.
One of the key takeaways from this episode is the transformative power of self-compassion when dealing with body image issues. We delve into how accepting our imperfections and appreciating our bodies for all they do can help shift our mindset towards positivity. It's about understanding that the key to feeling better in your body lies in how you think about it and treat it.
We discuss how our first few thoughts in the morning can set the tone for the day, and the power of 'enoughness' in helping to create a better relationship with ourselves. We emphasize the importance of pivoting away from the obsession with appearance and celebrating the big, rad life you deserve.
In this episode, we also explore the concept of act or acceptance and commitment therapy, and how it can assist us on our journey of self-acceptance. This therapy modality encourages us to let our thoughts come up and let them go, helping us to not identify with them. This is a practice that takes time, patience, and consistent effort.
Lastly, we discuss the importance of treating your body with respect, even on days when you may not like the way it looks. We stress the importance of nourishing your body with nutritious foods, regular movement, and adequate rest and recovery.
In summary, this episode offers practical, real-world advice on how to navigate body image struggles. We firmly believe that self-compassion and acceptance are the keys to overcoming body image struggles. Remember, you are more than your body image. Celebrate the big, rad life you deserve.
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Jess: 0:01
Hello, friends, and welcome to Sturdy Girl, a podcast focused on strength, not size, where you'll hear conversations around healthy body image, cultivating confidence and being a resilient human in both body and mind. Sturdy Girl is the podcast where we shift the focus away from your appearance and on to living the big, rad life you deserve. Hello, friends, and welcome to episode two of Sturdy Girl. Today, we're going to talk about getting through bad body image days, because we all have them, but how the heck do we get through them? I'm your host, jess Heiss, joined by my co-host, megan. Hello. What's new host training, then?
Megan: 0:41
Are you done with racing season? I am done with racing season for mountain, for Enduro stuff. I just got back from Whistler so I've spent three days in Canada. So that was super fun. It was for a bike trip, so we were mainly just riding, but for fun, not racing.
Jess: 0:56
That's awesome, yes, all for fun. Okay, and then? So, now that you're in done with racing, are you back to Olympic lifting?
Megan: 1:04
Yes, I will be. This week was kind of like a reset rest. I didn't do a whole lot. Honestly, it's a holiday week, enjoy yourself, walk the dogs. But I will be starting back up. I'm going to start my program and then, hopefully, as long as things go well, do a competition Yay.
Jess: 1:24
What about you? Well, speaking of comps, I am 10 weeks out from my next part of the week, so that's what's been going on. I'm lifting like four days a week right now, running about two just to kind of keep that up, but yeah, lifting's going well. This was a deal.
Megan: 1:42
How's it feeling? You feel like you're hitting your numbers and stuff. Well, last week.
Jess: 1:46
week before I hit a well, I hit my squat PR a second time at a better RPE. Nice, so 285,. About an RPE, I'm going to say 8.5 to 9.
Megan: 2:02
That's nice 300 is going to fall in 10 weeks.
Jess: 2:08
That is the goal. Bench is bench, it's just staying consistently the same.
Megan: 2:17
You've gotten a lot better at bench.
Jess: 2:19
That takes time, though the road to 200 bench is going to be long, I'm accepting that. I will be very patient. It'll get there eventually. Deadlift is feeling good. This is D-load week, so this week was just like three by five, at like 60%.
Megan: 2:39
Those are the nicest though.
Jess: 2:42
It's super easy, so that's feeling good. Running is a little trudgy these days, but I just I mean, I run outside because it's been a little bit cooler, or I hop in the treadmill and throw some Netflix on. So yeah, training is feeling good. I don't know what I'll do after that. To be honest, like this, this lifting season has felt super fun.
Megan: 3:01
Yeah, and do you have any races planned or no?
Jess: 3:04
No, I, honestly I've been feeling the itch to do a marathon again. It's been.
Megan: 3:08
I will not be joining you. For that, come cheer me on. I'll come support you. Yes, I'll bring cookies, bring a cowbell.
Jess: 3:15
Yeah, no, I've been having the marathon. It's been four years, four and a half years.
Megan: 3:20
Yeah, it's my last, so. So you're going to do a marathon, or do you think you'll do a half? Well, I did a half in the spring. Oh, that's straight. I think I've got that last time.
Jess: 3:28
Yeah, I did a half in the spring. I missed a trail marker, two trail markers and it was pouring rain sideways the whole time. Oh, fun and.
Megan: 3:39
I ended up running like 15 miles instead of 13. Just training for the marathon, it was ridiculous.
Jess: 3:44
So no, I don't know. I don't know what's next. So just kind of see how I'm feeling. I may very well just dive right into marathon again, because my last long race I ran a 50K that's, but that was self-supported, so unofficial, I guess. Unofficial race yeah, that was a wildwood trail end to end for my 30th birthday and then I, like, got done and ate an entire pizza by myself. It was amazing, yeah. So that's training for me. Thanks, based on a lot of the feedback after the first episode, we wanted to get a little more personal, a little more of our body image struggles. This isn't just learning, we also want to make the connections, because it's all personal.
Megan: 4:27
The most recent time that I can think of when I struggled with it was this past weekend. I just went to Whistler. I left the country for the first time. Congratulations 30 something year old Megan. I know it was only about our time. We were at the hot tub in our resort. I don't normally wear swimsuits, it's not my thing. I'm wearing sports bras and shorts. It is way more accessible. Totally, totally sports bras Also. Then you can do all your activities in them and it's fine.
Jess: 4:53
It keeps the girls contained. You know like, yes, very athletic. What kind of swimsuit were you rocking?
Megan: 4:59
It was a full one piece, which you know you'd think one piece Okay, that's a little tame, but like a one piece when you're not the most well in doubt on the top and when you've got a little bit of a pear shape too, is you know, regardless of the actual shape, like how you were not feeling good in this. So that day we had definitely not been eating great. I had been snacking pretty much all day. It's a little bloated, a little on the fluffy side for me, just the way the fluffy feels the fluffy feels. So we went to the hot tub. I put in my one piece. I'm like looking in the mirror and I'm just like, oh my goodness, I look so different than what I had envisioned.
Jess: 5:41
It's not an article of clothing that you wear normally. So right away, I'm already uncomfortable.
Megan: 5:46
It feels tight.
Jess: 5:46
Okay, was this the one was this like the kind of one piece that I like? I've yet to find a one piece that feels good because I have a longer torso and then you like tell me about it, like, up the butt, up the front like it's like dipped down so you get the full side boom thing. Is that what happens?
Megan: 6:04
Oh yeah, and because, because I I don't have a lot going on top, I feel like the top just kind of comes down and I constantly am fighting with it to be like please just cover the top. It's a struggle. I was going out there and I was like, and I'm just with my friends who it doesn't matter you know you still have the feels in your body. Yeah, and I'm going with a bunch of people I don't know, and it's just a new setting, and so I'm kind of like trotting my way to the hot tub, like oh no, how's this going to go, how's this going to look? But by the end of it it really didn't matter. I was having a fun time, and once you kind of get past it it's all right.
Jess: 6:38
You still wore the swimsuit, or the sun still got in the hot tub Got a hot tub.
Megan: 6:42
Yeah, how'd a good time.
Jess: 6:44
You're friends weren't like. What are you wearing, oh, of course not.
Megan: 6:49
In fact, I think my friend Trudy's probably like that's a cute swimsuit. I'm like black that out and just saying you're like dad.
Jess: 6:55
You know how many times I've had to like pick this one. Do you come on? Uh huh.
Megan: 6:59
Mainly just try and pull up, because you know there's probably something popping out of the top.
Jess: 7:02
So I mean, but that's what happens in swimsuits A hundred percent. You wore the thing I did. You were uncomfortable in your body, had some of those negative thoughts, yep, but still wore it and did the activities that you enjoyed.
Megan: 7:16
Yeah, a hundred percent.
Jess: 7:18
End of story. Yeah, you showed up. It was still those thoughts in that kind of like negative thought spiral, which we'll talk about in a minute, but that's super important. Yeah, I think for me bad body image day I stepped on a scale for the first time since last November and I don't want to be triggering and talk about number specifics, but it was a larger number for me than I have seen since the beginning of my fitness journey in 2010. And one thing with competitive powerlifting is there are weight classes. Yep, and I think it was out of said weight class and realized I hadn't changed really anything like what I've been eating. I hadn't really changed my level of physical activity. So it was like why is this happening?
Megan: 8:03
What in the world?
Jess: 8:04
Yeah, and it was definitely a negative thought spiral of how, the after that this happened and definitely letting those thoughts come up and there was that a bit of spiral and then the realization of I'm stronger than I was Mm-hmm.
Megan: 8:20
It gained a lot of muscle, sure.
Jess: 8:22
Yeah, I have gained muscle. I am still doing the things that I enjoy without hindrance. I still feel, generally speaking, good in my body.
Megan: 8:32
Mm-hmm.
Jess: 8:33
That number at the end of the day doesn't really matter, but the thoughts about my body shifted for a little bit. Oh my God, I've let myself go. Oh yeah.
Megan: 8:42
I feel that way. Yeah, I was just recently. I went to the doctor and they weighed me and it was the same thing where I was like, oh, because I don't ever weigh myself. No, it's just. You know, it is what it is, it's just not a priority. I don't in general either. Plus, I feel like it. Yeah, I view myself.
Jess: 8:56
That's kind of the relationship you have with that number for sure. Oh my gosh, If we had more time I'd tell you a story from I've changed providers because they tried to talk to me about my weight.
Megan: 9:05
Oh yeah, they've done that to me too. My BMI was too high.
Jess: 9:09
Oh, don't get me started on BMI. I was marathon training and I was running 50 mile weeks.
Megan: 9:18
Let's say on average.
Jess: 9:20
And the doctor, without even looking at me, looked at my weight and started talking to me about BMI and asking me how I was going to adjust my diet and exercise to improve my BMI. Yeah, 26 years old and putting in crazy work for my marathon, it was just a whole thing. Anyways, bad body image days yeah, no matter how good like using our quotes here your body images, you're still going to have bad body image days. So the whole point of this episode is for us to talk about tangible ways to help get through those days. These are going to come up. We talked in the last episode about body acceptance, body image resilience and how those things are a practice. We have good days and bad, and there are things that take that status quo of our body image and either improve it or make it worse. So those negative body image days and negative spiral and that's what we want to focus on today is how we can cope and still thrive when we have these kinds of days. And if you haven't listened, I highly recommend jumping into the first episode, which is what is body image, and go over that definition and then the factors that help shape it, just to get an idea of our foundation for Sturdy Girl going forward.
Megan: 10:34
And you should just listen to the first episode. You can just ramble some more, it's fine, all right.
Jess: 10:39
Do you want to kick us off? I want to talk about body image disruptions and calm disturbances.
Megan: 10:45
Yeah, I really liked this metaphor that you used for it, which was you're waiting in the ocean, in your treading water, and the waves are small, you're going with the flow, and then these disruptions can be, these big waves that come through, they knock you and they hit you and you're off course.
Jess: 10:59
Yeah. So body image disruptions are like if you're waiting in the water it can be small waves or they can be the ones that try to drown you, yes, yeah. So these thoughts that come up and these days that come up waves are the triggers of a bad body image day, and those can be things like scrolling social media, yeah, yeah, comparison to our past selves to others. This can be fullness, like if you overate at a meal and you were 10 out of 10 uncomfortably full. It can be wearing clothes that you're not comfortable in, yeah, like a one piece, yeah Right. It can be looking at old pictures of yourself seeing family we talked about this last week. Family plays a big part in body image. Is it not being able to work out because of illness or injury or seasons of life, eating foods that might not agree with you?
Megan: 11:49
Yeah, I have this problem all the time. Dairy or just anything.
Jess: 11:55
There's so many more than that, right, but the big triggers that can bring these thoughts up yeah, let's talk about ways to cope, okay, and these waves come crashing over us.
Megan: 12:08
How do we keep going? How do we cope with it?
Jess: 12:11
Well, there's some pretty crappy ways that we cope.
Megan: 12:13
They're mainly crappy ways.
Jess: 12:15
We're going to talk about that first and then we'll go into the better ways to cope to be a healthier human. The first crappy way we cope is sinking into shame, sinking into discomfort, insecurity. This furthers the spiral.
Megan: 12:32
Yeah, and again, I think we talked a bit about this last time. Shame is such a big part of it. Shame can be so many different things. You shame yourself for how you eat. You shame yourself for what you're looking like that day, and it couldn't even be weight.
Jess: 12:44
It could be oh, my skin looks bad and it's a lot of times we're shaming ourselves for how we're feeling and not actually how we appear.
Megan: 12:51
Yes.
Jess: 12:51
It's a mental piece versus actually how we look. Yep, the next way that we cope is clinging to our comfort zone or taking some kind of self-defensive action, and I want to clarify some of these points. In here we talk about being negative ways to cope. These can also be ways to cope in a positive way, to feel good in our bodies. I want to preface that it's a both and situation. When we talk about clinging to a comfort zone or taking these actions, we talk about quick fixes of appearance fixing so makeup, changing your hairstyle, getting new clothes, retail therapy, going for fillers and Botox, changing your diet a new diet, looking better in order to feel better Right, so changing our appearance on the outside, when it's actually how we're feeling on the inside? Yeah, right, it's a way to cope.
Megan: 13:39
Right, but at the same time, it could be okay that you want to do some of these things for your outside appearance. If you're comfortable with getting Botox, it's not. Yeah, no, no, no, shame for it. None of these things are bad.
Jess: 13:50
Yes, that's not our point. Yeah, it's. If your response to feeling shitty in your body is to go out and get breast implants, fix it, because that's going to hopefully make you feel better. Yeah, that's not the way that we want to cope. You can wear makeup as a form of self-expression, like that again, not our point, our point being Such a fun self-expression. Yeah, oh absolutely, and this is a total side tangent, but one of the things in reading about body image research and a lot of people, when they're talking body positivity or the people who talk about body acceptance and body neutrality, go really hard on. You shouldn't care about your appearance and like that's not the point.
Megan: 14:32
No, it's the, and if you want to care about your appearance, that's totally fine, yeah.
Jess: 14:37
It's. The differentiation between body image is how you feel about your body. Yeah, not about how you actually look. If you feel freaking awesome, putting on amazing winged eyeliner and know how to contour, go for it.
Megan: 14:52
I do not possess those skills, please contact me to help. Don't know how to do this Same, so another one is seeking reassurance from others, and so this can be both positive and negative of your seeking reassurance in hopes to help yourself.
Jess: 15:10
Yeah, well, and I think seeking reassurance this is more like I want to go to my partner and seek the reassurance to make me feel better about myself. Yeah, versus, I think it's perfectly healthy within a relationship to have reassurance yes, yes, absolutely.
Megan: 15:24
So maybe a difference of the two.
Jess: 15:26
Yeah, this is the same where we're talking about quick fixes. It's a both and situation, right?
Megan: 15:32
Yeah.
Jess: 15:32
That's a big point here. Another thing that we do to cope is to avoid the situations that trigger a negative body image response Putting on the one piece to ensue, yeah, and going to the hot tub, to the beach, wearing certain clothes. At the gym, trying on clothes, going into dressing rooms trying on jeans. Oh my goodness Hard past or I've had this conversation a lot in the last few years with a big change in working from home Is the people who there's. It's a big hurdle to get dressed and leave the house, just the overwhelm piece of. I'm really uncomfortable with normal people clothes.
Megan: 16:11
Yeah, and I think, as someone who, like, works remote, you go for so long without wearing the normal clothes that you need to wear to the office. So by the time you're trying to get reestablished and, like I had to go into the office probably two, three weeks ago, had to put on hard pants, I like to call them, and like a real shirt, and just switching to that and kind of trying to get back in that and I was like, oh, everything feels really tight, I feel really really snug and it could actually have felt like that before, but I mean it's been so long Awareness.
Jess: 16:41
I work in an office but I wear scrubs yeah, it's basically stretchy pants.
Megan: 16:45
It's basically what I wear. Pajamas yeah, it's basically pajamas.
Jess: 16:47
Well, my point being, I don't wear pants with waistbands. They're all stretchy pants, or I mean workout clothes or running clothes, and when I put jeans on, I'm like whoa, those are tight. It's a big difference. Okay, yeah, okay. The last way that we cope and this is a positive one it has been termed in a couple of different books to rise with resilience. So getting to choose how you respond to these disruptions, it is accepting the discomfort and acknowledging that it's neither good nor bad, it's merely a feeling, and being able to come out of that and say I can still do the things that I enjoy doing, even if I'm uncomfortable. That discomfort doesn't have to change or ruin my day.
Megan: 17:32
Mm-hmm.
Jess: 17:33
I think that's a big part of it, which that kind of puts us right into. How do we get through a bad body image day? What are some good coping strategies that we can go over? Our first tip to getting through a bad body image day and coping in a positive way is building awareness. So think about waiting in the ocean and those waves as they come up. Building awareness can be like, I don't know, learning to surf, how to ride the wave right. It's just becoming aware of the thoughts in our head and recognizing and starting to notice when that negative spiral happens.
Megan: 18:05
And this is without judgment, like star star star without judgment, yeah, and it doesn't mean that you necessarily need to fix what you're thinking. It's just kind of being aware that you're having that thought. Being aware of the thoughts that come up.
Jess: 18:17
You get up in the morning, You're bloated because you're a few days out from your period and you walk into the bathroom and glance in the mirror and you're like, oh my God. I'm never going to have a flat stomach and I just I feel so ugly and like look at this stomach and these pajamas just don't fit Like they used to and God, I feel like I'm gaining weight again, rationally. You know, your body comp hasn't changed overnight, but you have those feelings that come up. And bringing awareness simply means that when those thoughts come up, you acknowledge oh, hey, I am starting off the stay in a negative body image space or hey, I'm noticing negative thoughts popping up about my body right now. You acknowledge how you're feeling, without judgment, without getting upset at ourselves for feeling this way, because we can't change something by hating it. That's a big thing here. No judgment, we're not trying to hate on our body. It's acknowledging that we all get these feelings from time to time. We know they're going to pass and sometimes this can feel really frustrating If you just be like everyone goes through this it's going to pass.
Megan: 19:17
It doesn't feel like that when you're in it. No, not at all.
Jess: 19:19
But at the same time, it is reassuring to know that all of us struggle with this.
Megan: 19:24
Yeah, and I think especially I mean even this morning. I feel like I struggled very heavily with this because I'm was a CEO was a story. You, right now, it's me yes, 100%. You have your comfy shorts on today. Oh yeah, I know I've been complaining about them, even though they're the comfy ones.
Jess: 19:42
Just need stretchy shorts like mine. But another piece of this awareness, too, is as we start to acknowledge these thoughts. Is it building awareness around? Maybe what triggered the body image disturbance? Was it some of the triggers we mentioned before? Is it a change in the level of stress in our lives? Is it not sleeping well? Is it being in need of more love or reassurance based on current events in our lives? If we can start to build awareness around what our triggers are, we can be better prepared for how we handle them and how we respond.
Megan: 20:16
Yeah, and I think that kind of goes into the next one. This one sounds very woo-woo sometimes but, like changing your mindset, it seems like it's super broad to yes. Yes, but I think that your body doesn't need to be perfect for you to be able to live your life fully and yeah. Just have being able to recognize that and still be able to do your activities. And you know I might have you having a negative Thought come into my head about my body, but that doesn't mean that it's going to control everything that I can do that day.
Jess: 20:45
Yeah, you don't need to look different in order to treat your body well, to be respectful, to be able to continue to live your life, and the whole point with this tip is Changing your mindset, is more just becoming aware of what kind of relationship you have with your body and still being able to continue living your life, even with those thoughts, knowing that those feelings pass, acknowledging them, feeling them, letting them go, not having to identify with them, and this is throughout every one of these tips interwoven is something that I want to acknowledge here. It's a type of therapy. It's called act or acceptance and commitment therapy. This is a whole thing. We can have a whole podcast episode, but you'll notice this thread and I noticed this thread too through a lot of the reading about body image, research and even self-confidence Was this modality and the essence of it is learning to Let thoughts come up and let them go, not identify with them. Mm-hmm and rationally. I know it's not as easy as just letting go or unhooking. It's a practice, it takes a lot of time. It does and I don't want to discredit that at all, so don't think I'm glossing over that but it takes Awareness, what we just talked about. It takes time, it takes patience, it takes practice. You can't just be like, oh you know, I heard on this podcast that if I have these negative thoughts that I just like let them go and then I'm fine.
Megan: 22:06
Yeah, and you have to kind of identify what is letting that go. Mean yeah, yeah, how do you?
Jess: 22:11
not get hooked on it. Yeah, and that's a big piece of this too. It's noticing the thoughts that come up, identifying them is, hey, I'm having negative thoughts, or here's that judgy voice again, yeah, and then ask yourself where they're coming from, why they might have arisen, and recognize that you are not your thoughts. That's the big, powerful piece of this mindset is you are not your thoughts. As much as we identify with them. We don't have to, and this is the practice of recognizing too, where we said you can still live your life Even when these things arise.
Megan: 22:46
It wasn't until I started going through your stuff that I realized that I'm doing this already in therapy with so many other things.
Jess: 22:53
Yeah, you were you're talking earlier about how this type of thought process helps a lot from unhooking from anxiety.
Megan: 22:59
Oh yeah, I mean I've dealt with anxiety my whole life but really last like 10 years, a little bit more acute I. But I've noticed that my therapist kind of started to bring in this, like we acknowledge the thoughts and then we let them pass. And I think it's funny that you just say it and you're like, oh, how you know, how is that possible? Where's the application? Yes, but when you actually start to practice it, it does help.
Jess: 23:23
It helps to kind of say, calm him down. But it helps to bring yourself back to the present moment, because I know, for me from a body image perspective and this could even extrapolate into anxiety too is like I don't realize how much those thoughts are just coming up, coming up, coming up, coming up all at once and they're all stemming from the same thing of I'm wearing these pants that give me this insane muffin top and I feel really uncomfortable and somehow that's created this entire spiral and now I don't think that I'm worthy of the life that I'm living or do the things I want to do. And you're like how did this happen?
Megan: 24:00
How did I get here?
Jess: 24:02
Yeah, it's huge and that's that's a half of this is just that practice piece. The next point we want to get into is treating your body with respect. This is something that I'm still reading quite a bit about, just talking about self respect, body respect, and the main point here is we don't want to punish our physical body for how our brain is feeling. We want to nourish it with nutritious foods. Regular movement, adequate rest and recovery Like these are super important when we start to have those negative thoughts, that negative spiral is we're not going to go force ourselves into extreme behaviors. How can we still be respectful of our body and take care of it, recognizing that our body's not the problem?
Megan: 24:53
Yeah, and I know personally, I used to like anytime that I would eat more than I needed, or let's say I had a heavy weekend or I went out or something like that. I would notice these patterns were the whole other week. I was doing so much cardio and trying so hard to counter what I did.
Jess: 25:08
Well, we had a holiday weekend, last weekend and there's always a conversation around you didn't fall off the wagon over the weekend, you enjoyed yourself. Yeah, we have ebbs and flows in those things, but it is when you change the routine, change what you're doing, change what you're eating that can be a trigger. So treating our body with respect is wearing the comfortable clothes or the clothes that you feel good in your body. When you were having a negative body image day, it might not be the day to wear the spandex shorts and crop top. It might be the day to embrace the oversized t-shirt and your favorite Viori joggers. Leaving aside the fitted things that make you uncomfortable or the jeans that give you muffin top or that kind of thing. Wear the alpha that you feel good in and let that be one less thing to be a trigger.
Megan: 25:52
Yeah, and so many things can play into that, like what have you been eating that day? Are you about to start your period? Sometimes clothes just feel uncomfortable on you and it has nothing to do with your actual body, it's just how you're feeling. Yeah, yeah.
Jess: 26:05
That's huge. And I think another piece of this, too, talking about body respect, is you may not like the way your body looks today, but can you still do the things that are important to you? We've touched on this a couple times already in this episode. We can still do what we value and still do the things that we want to or need to do in that day, even if we're dealing with a bit of body discomfort. And another piece to that talking about respect is shifting that attention to the activities that you want to or need to do, paying attention to what's important. So this is shifting away from appearance and onto the doing piece. This is showing up for yourself and your life values, and values are something that I could go off in a full tangent about, but it's really something that creates a compass for how we make decisions in life and that's like values based living. But we're going to we'll talk way more about that in another episode. Might be something worth googling in the meantime if you're curious. But this is such a great way to base your decisions. Am I living my values.
Megan: 27:07
I'm actually really interested in this one, because when you first said your values, it just makes me think of corporate world, where you're like here's our core values.
Jess: 27:16
I'm missing the most. Like you know, brene Brown talks about wholehearted living. Yes, Talks about, you know is one of your values family.
Megan: 27:25
Is it? Community Is it? But when we talked about it, I completely had a different outlook on it.
Jess: 27:29
Showing up boldly. This is not corporate values.
Megan: 27:31
mission statement, vision value 100% and that's why I loved when you brought it up, because I feel like to me as someone who's been like working in a company forever. When you hear the words, you're like huh. But then when you start to actually talk about it and realize what it means, you're like, oh, that's really important it does, yeah, it does help.
Jess: 27:49
So more on this later.
Megan: 27:51
Sorry, I'll be back.
Jess: 27:53
Okay, next tip Practicing self compassion. So we touched on self compassion quite a bit in the last episode. I won't go too much into detail about it, but there are three parts to it, and that's self kindness, mindfulness and common humanity. Basically, you are not alone in your struggles. That's the whole point of self compassion is that moment where we're not just grind hard, no days off, discipline over motivation and all of those things Like being self compassionate and knowing what is the best answer here to take care of myself, to nourish my body, to respect my body.
Megan: 28:30
Yeah, about finding the balance that you have. So we have this as the friend test. You know, would I say this to a friend?
Jess: 28:36
Yeah, would I recommend that you do this thing to help your headspace.
Megan: 28:41
Yeah.
Jess: 28:42
Right, is it? You go into this negative body image spiral and you go on a run? Are you going on the run and you're punishing yourself with your paces? To quote fix your bad body image day? Or are you going for a run because movement is good for your mind and for your body and it's a way to reconnect to yourself at a pace that's comfortable and enjoyable? There's a difference. So it's not saying don't do this thing, but what would you recommend to a friend? Would you be like yeah, go out and try to PR your mile time? Yeah, that's going to make you feel better.
Megan: 29:12
Yeah, and how would you talk to them? I mean, what kind of tone of voice exactly would you say you wouldn't shame them into something? I mean, a good friend shouldn't shame you into something or be extra negative or make you feel down on yourself.
Jess: 29:26
Exactly Would you talk this way to a friend, and it's amazing how much you can catch yourself going. Oh my god, no, megan, I'd never say that to you. Yeah, I feel this voice in my head is like saying so much shit and it's ridiculous Very mean yeah yeah. Well, on the other side, in the last episode, the relationship we have with ourselves is the longest and most intimate relationship of our lives. How we speak to ourselves matters a lot, yeah, yeah. So one last thing in the practice self-compassion piece is one little mantra I like and that is practicing saying this to yourself I am human and we all have imperfections. To demand otherwise is to fail to accept reality. We're not perfect, we will never be perfect. We're all going to have these days and these feels, and our bodies are never going to look like the airbrush crap we see online. We rationally know this, but when we get in these negative body image spirals it is so hard for us to try and disengage from wishing we had a flat stomach and a giant butt and perfect boobs and super defined shoulders and whatever else. Whatever, the defined, perfect female body is Right. Yeah, the perfectly smooth skin, the airbrush look.
Megan: 30:43
Yeah, no, never.
Jess: 30:44
Never gonna look that way. So there's that piece, and then that goes right into our last tip for getting through a bad body image day, and that is taking a moment to appreciate. We can also call this practice in gratitude, but I feel like some of us might be resistant to that because gratitude has become such a buzzword and can also feel a bit woo-woo and so don't want to be like pull out your journals and let's do a gratitude practice. Like that's what I want, but I don't want it to just feel disingenuous. I want this to be taking a second to appreciate all the things your body does for you each and every day, every second of every day yeah, all the body processes. Being science nerd over here and being stoked on all the things that our body does without our conscious effort, appreciating that we can still get shit done even when we don't feel like we have the body we want or the body that we keep dreaming up that isn't reality, or we haven't reached our quote ideal weight, which, honestly, is bullshit. Let's be real.
Megan: 31:46
Yeah.
Jess: 31:47
Can we do the things we enjoy while feeling that discomfort?
Megan: 31:51
Yeah, and I know that you said it's a buzzword and I know that so many things now are like practice gratitude, but it really is important because if you can, even just when you wake up, if you're just like all right, well, these are the two things that I'm thankful for today, or if you're feeling down on the way that you're looking, or if you wake up in that headspace where you're feeling extra fluffy and unhappy with the way that you look, just kind of taking that moment to be like all right, these are the things that I can appreciate.
Jess: 32:20
Absolutely, I agree, and that's one thing. I can't remember where I heard this the first time. But talking about the moment you wake up and taking that time to appreciate some things, some things plural it can change your headspace for the rest of the day. That's not saying you sit down and get your journal out and write for 30 minutes which I love journaling and it can be super powerful as well. But this is even just as something as simple as sitting up in bed, putting your feet on the ground and saying I am so grateful for the fact that it's my birthday and I could agree with this today Happy birthday. It is. I am so thankful that I'm getting out of bed with enough time to sit my coffee on my back deck and enjoy the nice weather before the rains come. I don't know, whatever the heck it is, but I guess my point here. I read something recently that was talking about enoughness, yeah, and how much our minds can set us up for a good day or a bad day based on our first few thoughts in the morning. So if you set the alarm and you hit the snooze and hit snooze, and hit snooze, and finally you jump out of bed and it's like, oh my God, I don't have time, panic, I don't have enough time and then you look at your whoop or your watch or your sleep analytics because everyone tracks sleep these days, I feel like and it tells you that you did not get a great recovery score, and then you're thinking I did not get enough sleep. So within the first five minutes of waking up, you already don't have enough time or enough sleep, and then you're already in the space of not enoughness. So is it that big of a stretch to then start thinking I'm not enough, I don't have enough time to do these things, I'm not enough in this way?
Megan: 34:12
I'm not doing enough to be successful.
Jess: 34:15
Yeah, so just food for thought of how you start your day. And this isn't what do I want to say. This isn't having the perfect morning routine not our point but if you can bring yourself back to the moment and appreciate something and that's not saying appreciate your physical being or these physical characteristics or whatever, but having that little bit of gratitude brings us back to the present moment of hey, I'm alive. I'm alive doing the things that I enjoy around the people I love. Hopefully, that's our point. Yeah, I love it. Okay, the best way to improve how you feel in your body is to change how you think about it and how you treat it. I think that's summarizing this entire episode.
Megan: 35:00
Oh yeah, 100%, I think that.
Jess: 35:02
Yeah, I mean, I don't know you can't hate yourself into a healthy body image. Yeah, shaming yourselves into submission does not work. Saying the negative shit to try to motivate ourselves does not work. We're always going to have bad body image days that come up. Maybe they'll be less frequent as we improve our relationship with ourselves, but they will come up. We live in a modern society with access to media at all times and other people and old photos of ourselves and family members and friends and friends.
Megan: 35:36
Air quote maybe if they're like, if they're putting us in that video, tell your friends shame you yeah exactly Realistically, those days are going to come up no matter what.
Jess: 35:44
So what skills can you practice to know how to ride the waves as they come up? Hopefully, by listening to this episode, you have some new tools in your tool belt for building awareness without judgment, for practicing self-compassion, for taking a moment to appreciate gratitude, to change your mindset, to treat your body with respect. We loved going over this topic with you. We hope that next time you do have a bad body image day. Maybe one of these points will stick with you, maybe a couple. Maybe you hear our voices in the back of your head telling you that changing the way you feel can change your relationship with your body.
Megan: 36:25
Right, we hope that you enjoyed this whole dang episode and our rambles, and I just want to say happy birthday again. We are recording this on Jessica's birthday there are cookies down there?
Jess: 36:37
There are cookies. I did get an extra large coffee from Starbucks this morning. It was a great start to the day.
Megan: 36:44
Yeah, I'm probably going to eat more cookies after this.
Jess: 36:48
Guaranteed, and then we'll go to the beach and it's going to be great. All right, thanks so much for listening to episode two. Next week it will be more on body image and self-confidence. If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please feel free to follow, subscribe, like, whatever the heck you do with podcasts. As always, stay sturdy, friends and we'll talk to you next week.
Megan: 37:09
Goodbye