Episode 22: Body Image Bike Racing: Get To Know Your Co-Host, Megan Zimmer-Zaikoski
Jess says every single episode is her favorite, but this one is extra special. It’s high time we interviewed our very own co-host, Megan! We learn all about how she’s managed herself through injury, what it was like as a sponsored Ari Bikes enduro racer, and just how long she’s been Jess’s friend.
Come for the practical body image tips, and stay for the stories. Even Jess learned new things about Megan 😉 Listen to episode 22, out now!
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Jess: 0:04
Hello, friends, and welcome to Sturdy Girl, a podcast focused on strength, not size, where you'll hear conversations around healthy body image, cultivating confidence and being a resilient human in both body and mind. Sturdy Girl is the podcast where we shift the focus away from your appearance and on to living the big, rad life you deserve. Hello, friends, and welcome to another episode of Sturdy Girl. I'm really excited today because we get to interview our very own co-host, megan, about her world. I was going to say about Dera Racing and I'm like that's not all we're talking about today. I feel like that's a sliver. Yes, Megan, how do you want me to introduce you? I feel like we started the second season of the podcast with a little more of my body image story and then I was like, all right, we need to get an episode to interview the guests beyond us mentioning Mountain Bike. Racing Olympic weightlifting, your current injury, which I don't think we've actually said what your injury is. It's just hinted that I'm injured. You get to tell your story today. Yeah, it's exciting. How do you want to introduce yourself?
Megan: 1:14
Tell me about you. What do you do? Oh boy, I feel like I'm in one of those introduce yourself ice breakers at work. Like three interesting facts about me now.
Jess: 1:23
And you're like I'm really a boring human.
Megan: 1:25
I don't know what to say. I'm going to freeze up right now. I'm just going to get a ton of anxiety and stress out.
Jess: 1:31
I could do the classic interview question and have you tell me about a difficult situation that you overcame recently. Oh boy, no, really, you don't have to answer that.
Megan: 1:40
I was like I wish.
Jess: 1:41
I just pulled up my hand. Actually, no one likes that question. We just ask it to make sure you handle conflict well. It is a good interview question. From an interview perspective. It's terrible, Not? Yes.
Megan: 1:52
But as the interviewer for a job.
Jess: 1:54
Okay, but no, but no for real. Who are you? What do you do?
Megan: 1:57
Well, I mean, obviously, I'm Megan. We've been friends for gosh how long Years and years. 14 years, yeah, it's been a long time.
Jess: 2:06
Megan was my first friend when I moved to Portland. Yeah, like my first real actually. That sounds funny, but like you're my first real friend Back in like photography class.
Megan: 2:15
We thought we were so cool Like first year of college. Yes.
Jess: 2:19
Oh my gosh, like our night adventures around Beaverton.
Megan: 2:22
Oh yeah, oh, the Beaverton days Fun, yeah, but I mean as far as like me right now, oh, boy. I've been into mountain biking I mean it hasn't really been that long. I would say that my journey started in road cycling about nine, 10 years ago. Just fell in love with everything bikes. Didn't you just recently post about? Like when you bought your first bike.
Jess: 2:41
I did.
Megan: 2:41
And I remember that day.
Jess: 2:43
Like it was like a Facebook memory, because I remember you buying it too.
Megan: 2:45
Yeah, I literally spent all of my money Like that was back when I was just moved to Portland. I was like a broke college kid Like living downtown. Yeah, I was living in downtown.
Jess: 2:54
Was that your like studio apartment that's called like Curry?
Megan: 2:56
days. Oh yeah, that was my studio apartment in a super old building. Those were really fun days, though I do miss living downtown sometimes, like such adventures. Yeah, it's great when you're in your early 20s. Highly recommend yeah, as my age, probably not so much.
Jess: 3:13
I would not want to go back, like the distance for sure.
Megan: 3:16
I like having a backyard.
Jess: 3:18
Same, although I say we bought the house for the dogs, for them to have a backyard, and then they don't even care about the backyard, but I care about the backyard.
Megan: 3:26
It's a place where I can drink my coffee in the morning.
Jess: 3:28
Yes, Okay, so road cycling like nearly a decade ago. Yeah, how long have you been mountain biking?
Megan: 3:33
I got into it during the pandemic, so probably like 2020. So I think it's been about two solid years of actually riding and about maybe three years of putting my feet into the. You know, back in the day, when you thought you're like, I got a mountain bike but then I didn't really do anything with it. But yeah, it hasn't really been that long and I feel like a lot has happened in the time.
Jess: 3:52
It's just crazy. You kind of just dove in head first with it, which I think is really awesome.
Megan: 3:56
I did and I think, like I'm really into volunteering with the trail organization and that has been so fun and it's another way that you can get like really involved in the community. It's been a really helpful time to have that part of the community when you're injured as well.
Jess: 4:11
Yeah.
Megan: 4:12
I've been doing a lot of these things and I can, you know, hang out with the same people and act with people, yeah, and still be part of your unique little community that you have, but in a different capacity. Right now, exactly, yeah, and so I've been doing some work for them.
Jess: 4:26
So when you're talking about, like volunteering on trails? Is that digging in trails, Like yeah, it was what all's?
Megan: 4:30
involved. Tell me more. Oh, it's so fun. Well, it's fun If you like manual labor if you like man in a shovel. Would you like to spend your weekends covered in dirt? And I got a thing for you. But no, really it's like cutting trail and going out like flagging areas, also working on like conservation. So it's not just about let's build a gnarly trail in the middle of nowhere, it's more of like all right, well, what impact is this going to have on the surrounding areas? And I'm kind of learning more. Like you know, I've had a lot more exposure with Oregon Department of Forestry, so ODF. I feel like I'm going on a side tangent, but it's just so fun, but like having more experience in that and like realizing the impact that you can also make in the forest for conservation. So I know they did a lot of work to try and get one of the parts that we have in the Tillamook State Forest considered as like protected land. And it's kind of cool when you think about it because you go out there and you see so much logging now happening and it's always worrisome as someone who likes outdoor hogbies. This could be hiking, this could be mountain biking, anything, trail running yeah, exactly, but you are always kind of at that risk If you're on a land that's owned by a company or public land, sometimes, like you're on that risk of is it going to get deforested?
Jess: 5:40
Yeah, yeah, look at you. That is so rad, it's fun Okay. You were mentioning to me earlier a little bit about, just like the representation in that space too.
Megan: 5:51
Yeah, you know, there's not a ton of women that you see really out there digging. I think there are areas where it's better. The trail organization that I'm working with a lot. We do have a pretty good core group of girls, which is really exciting to see, because you've got all these ladies out there hanging out with each other and they're covered in dirt and they're hauling buckets of rocks and you're just like yeah, and having fun, like we're all out here together, exactly, that's really cool, okay.
Jess: 6:16
So I don't even think I know the answer to this. How did you get into Enduro and mountain biking? You said you started it during the pandemic, but was there like a person that introduced you? Was it like perusing Instagram?
Megan: 6:26
Yes, what was your introduction? All of my road cycling friends decided that they liked mountain biking more Koff, Koff, Adam Taylor and that whole crew. And every time I was like, do you want to go for a ride? They were like we're mountain biking. So I was like okay, fine, we don't like the road loser. We've changed hobbies now, and now they're all back into road cycling, which I'm like come on, guys.
Jess: 6:48
But that's how it goes with Benito, yeah.
Megan: 6:51
I mean, as you see behind me, I have both.
Jess: 6:54
What is it? Because? Just talking about like not seeing a lot of women on the trail and doing all of that? We've talked a lot about this just in our personally. How does it been like as a woman in the Enduro racing space?
Megan: 7:05
Yeah, it was really interesting. So this last year I was really fortunate and I got I mean, I really just looked into it. I got onto a team and was on Fazzari's team for the 2023 season and we did some of the big mountain Enduros and those are the most difficult races. I think I've ever done the most difficult day of writing that I've really ever done, because they're two days and in that two days you how did? I don't know. Let's go back track here. Let me explain what an Enduro race is.
Jess: 7:34
I was just going to say. I was like, please tell me like I'm five and Enduro racing is versus mountain biking, because I feel like a lot of real listeners maybe won't track.
Megan: 7:42
Exactly what Enduro racing really is is. You're not timed on the climb, but you're timed on the descent. Okay, so you still have to work and get up and you might be looking at a day of anywhere from three to 5,000 feet of elevation. You're climbing that with your own little legs, so really it's the endurance part of it, and they do give you a time cap. It's not like they're just like by the end of the day, come back. But you got to be back here by 2pm cutoff line that's when the race ends, and they try and split it up by categories too. You have certain categories that go in together. I would think about it in the easiest way of you're not timed on the up, but you still got to climb it. It's just matters how fast you can get down. So it's kind of like downhill racing, but you'd have the suffering part you have to do the suffer Okay. So it's fun, but the BMEs were rough and as far as like body image, it definitely was hard. I was the only female on our team and the guys were great. I love them, they were great. But it was always a little funny, like even when we got our uniforms, I think I was like on the bigger end of the men's size uniforms and you have, you know, you have these guys that are like fit and mountain bikers are generally pretty slender, and then you have me and I'm like I actually mean like at least the men's medium. Maybe you'll learn In the pants, Actually the men's large.
Jess: 8:58
I'm a sturdy girl.
Megan: 8:59
Thank you, I've got like pretty thick legs and that's really tight. It is definitely, I think, that I think there's a lot of improvement that could go on. You know, it is kind of a men's sport and I think it's really starting to shift, which makes me excited to see that happening in the community. But when you're in the race scene you kind of have to be like all right, let me find a couple of girls that I can hang out with in the handful that you have registered and you're going to spend the next four days with these girls and just try and get through it and bond with them, whereas I feel like with the men it's a lot different, seeing that they go out and you know they're in packs and droves.
Jess: 9:35
There's dudes every everywhere they go. Yeah, yeah, do you feel like it's impacted your ability to like progress at all, or, like I'm sure, you probably had some really good connections with people at different races?
Megan: 9:48
Oh yeah, I did feel like one thing that was pretty hard is I was so new to it and when I was on the team I felt like my skill level was not quite where it needed to be. I think there was a lot of pressure on that point where I just always felt like I wasn't progressing fast enough, I wasn't doing good enough, I wasn't fast enough on the course. It did weigh on me. I feel like a lot.
Jess: 10:09
Well, you're so new to it too, though. Yeah, which is hard in the moment when you are part of a team. Yeah, and I did awful To recognize that.
Megan: 10:17
Awful I did. I will say I did awful at the VME but I finished it. So I'm like all right, that's fine. If I had to walk through that finish line, I was going to get there. So I did the one in Arizona. That was the one I finished and I mean I had a bone bruise on my leg and was still trying to ride and it was like an indent. I mean I was beat up. So talk about grit, right.
Jess: 10:42
Yeah, but that's just like that determination and such like type two fun having. Oh my gosh, I know.
Megan: 10:48
That was kind of the joke back at the house. Everyone was like how are you still cracking jokes and acting like everything is fine? And we were like I'm wearing shorts and my legs were just purple and everyone was like what?
Jess: 11:00
I was like I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm still. Yeah, I'm great, I'm still showing up. I'm not ignoring my feelings. I'm just not just swallowing everything. It's fine, I'm going to cry later, yeah, yeah.
Megan: 11:13
And it was like when it finally was over and I had to go home I think like on the plane ride home is when it hit me Like my whole body. I felt like I had a fever. You know when you're so sore that you feel like you have a fever. That was my body on the flight home.
Jess: 11:27
You're like Ann, I'm dying. This is how it is OK. So type two fun having with Enduro racing. What do you feel like? Because I know like 2023 race season was kind of your sponsorship and basketorship with Fizzari. What would you say was like the most challenging thing about that whole experience? Conversely, what was the most fun? Would everyone have everyone answer?
Megan: 11:48
I think the most challenging again was just the doubt I had on myself the whole time. I mean, I was fighting tears because I just every day when I rode, I just racing is hard and I kind of realized that mentally racing is not my type of type, too fun Just because I'm not very competitive, that's the thing. I would ride clean all the features. In practice I would ride things that like some of the other girls weren't, but then you put me in that race course and I fell apart instantly and I was crashing every five seconds. But it's the pressure that you experience. So I've kind of realized that maybe I'm a rider for fun and fun races from now on.
Jess: 12:26
That's for us non bike riders. What's a feature?
Megan: 12:29
Oh it's like a rock roll or maybe a jump that is required in the course or a feature, is something that scares me.
Jess: 12:38
Is a feature, like anything besides being on this trail. Is it like? So anything that's going to require like extra skill.
Megan: 12:45
It requires extra skill, yeah. So, like there was a few that were like big rock rolls and they would come into really tight, fast corners with routes, ok, ok, so you had a lot of different obstacles that were going on at once.
Jess: 12:57
Ok, thank you. I've been technically mountain biking twice in my life, but and I still need to come I do, I really do, I think some better disability insurance, since I work with my hands on my day, oh my goodness.
Megan: 13:10
Seriously though.
Jess: 13:11
OK. So that leads me kind of into, I guess, your hand injury. Is that a good segue?
Megan: 13:18
That was not intentional, I mean it's always the dumb stuff that gets you right.
Jess: 13:23
This is like funny in a self deprecating way right now.
Megan: 13:26
It's funny because it has to be for me to accept it. So last October I went over my bars. I had rode the trail multiple times, I had not had an issue on it, I did all the scary stuff just fine. It was that moment you let down your guard and I went straight over my bars right into a rock. And I went to the emergency room right after it happened because my hands swelled up so bad that I looked like a little football. It wasn't broken, which everyone was like that's great. So, cut to December, my hand is still the size of a football and I had, by that time, just a little rant about the health care system. I had already been to three doctors and no one thought to refer me to a specialist. So just a little about that.
Jess: 14:08
It's like a whole separate tangent, because we've definitely been told about this.
Megan: 14:12
Yeah, but we're just going to shut those feelings out for right now.
Jess: 14:15
But anyways, you guys know what we're talking about.
Megan: 14:17
Trust yourself If you think something's wrong, advocate for yourself, yes, yes. So yeah, I finally got in and got an MRI, which took forever to get and turns out I tore the ligaments around my knuckle of my index finger on my right hand, which is my dominant hand. So I have been in a brace for six weeks. I got another six weeks to go of bracing it up, but I did get the OK to actually move my hand, which is nice. Yeah, it's just. It's a really complicated injury.
Jess: 14:41
You got cute little finger exercises you work on now.
Megan: 14:45
I do, I do, and now they're moved to the whole hand, which is pretty cool. But yeah, don't ever recommend tearing a ligament. It's six months of no hand at the minimum.
Jess: 14:54
Can you?
Megan: 14:54
write with your left hand. Yet no, but I can actually write with my right hand now because I got my fingers back, oh, and so they're like I'm not allowed to pinch, but I can like lightly hold a pen. I feel like big, loopy handwriting. It looks like when you're in high school and you write like the really loopy, big, giant letters. Yeah, that's my handwriting.
Jess: 15:13
Yes, you got some things there, ok, so how has the hand affected? Kind of your I'm going to say well-being, right, because we get to talk buddy image You're talking about like self-combatance, talking about the fact that it's like taken away a limbic weightlifting and mountain biking and all the things, taking away all the good things that you love.
Megan: 15:28
I have to go back to hiking. No, I love hiking. Honestly, it was really devastating when I found out. I'm a pretty like self deprecating humor kind of person and it's kind of how I just manage things and you know, you're just like all right, I just got to take it one step at a time, like go laugh it off, it's OK. When I got the news I was pretty heartbreaking because I had also at that time already been on about a probably a six month break from the Olympic lifting because I was in the race season, yeah, and I didn't just have the capacity to do both and I had gained already a little bit of weight.
Jess: 16:02
There's something when you can feel and notice that you've gained weight. Yeah, so then how that in turn makes you feel about your body.
Megan: 16:10
And the feeling of losing that muscle mass. I think that when I was Olympic lifting, I am pretty lucky in the sense of I don't shed body fat fast but I can gain muscle like no other when I put my head into it. I'm pretty lucky in that sense, which, knock on wood, that doesn't change, but I mean it. Yeah, muscle gain easy, trying to shed weight not so much, but that's okay. I like being strong. Feeling Like that is my peak feeling of my own body and I had already felt like I'd lost a little bit of that before I got injured. And then to have a doctor look you in the face and say you might not be able to hold a barbell for a year another year after.
Jess: 16:48
I'd already Take away your barbell.
Megan: 16:50
Yep and I just had an appointment this morning. Again, she was like even if it heals on its own, you're looking at it it could be eight months, another eight months or so, before I can really grip.
Jess: 17:00
I feel for you so much right now, just thinking about like going through a few months of just rehabbing my shoulder and having to modify with that and having to modify bench press and how I squat and all of those things, so like being told that it could be an entire year for a movement modality. I mean not just racing but now, like you're lifting that had already had the back burner because of race season.
Megan: 17:24
Yeah, and it's hard too, and the community that you are involved in is also in these sports, and so it's like, whether it be lifting or mountain biking or road cycling, like things that involve your hands, and so I'm so thankful for the group of girls that I found with Trail Building, because they saw that and sensed the need for us to kind of like we should have another one of our friends broker risk or not mountain biking, and I think they kind of collectively saw we need something that's going to hold us together, that's not just biking, cause obviously we don't know if everyone's going to be okay. So I really feel thankful for that because it's like, I think, recognizing like hey, we don't want to like, leave you out of certain things or lose you, or lose that relationship.
Jess: 18:10
Just having that sense of community and belonging when you're going through injury and the frustrations and everything that come with that. I mean that's part of the definition of self. Compassion is knowing that you're not alone. Common humanity is what they call it, but it's essentially knowing you're not alone, knowing that you're not the only person going through something like this. And having that sense of community is so important.
Megan: 18:31
It really is, and I feel like we've talked about this before, but it is just. It's so important to have people like in your corner and recognizing also, like hey, I've been there too and I try to not be bitter because I have had friends recently be like I broke my hand and I'm out for four weeks and I would want to be like, oh, tell me again how terrible it is Four weeks. But again, it's also one of those things where it's recognizing your own feelings on it and being like hey, that probably really sucks for that person and so just looking on the positive side, I guess, is where it's going.
Jess: 19:04
Yeah, but I feel like when we say positive side, it's like you're not trying to just try to make glad of everything, but it's also no, we talked about last week seasons. Yeah, it's a rough, freaking season, I'm kind of thinking out loud. So, if you're like, just absolutely not. But this is also a sense of resilience too and adaptability in that we talked about again last week's episode how you're like I don't get to touch a barbell, and you had mentioned, like going to machines and just having to get more creative of strength training is very important to you and I both. Yes, the movement piece for not only our physical health but our mental health, of strength being an important thing to us, having that regular exercise, so finding other ways to get that in. And so you're like okay, I can't Olympic lift. Okay, I know I can do machines because I don't have to grip a dumbbell or a barbell, making those things work, being able to I'm sure on nice days get out and road cycle and not have to use your handlebars too much, right, I don't know. And finding other movement modalities. When we were recording for last week's episode and we were talking about seasons and adaptability, I kept thinking about when I used to drag you to zoom the classes like over a decade ago. I'm so bad at zoom Same, that's why we're always in the back of the class. But, like, that was my attempt at diversifying and trying different things. And there's a reason I didn't stay doing zoom for classes that I just say that in an effort to be like going through a season where you have to modify, where you have to change things up, and it's like, okay, this isn't even my, this isn't my first love, this isn't even my second or my third. Like how can I find movement that's gonna help me not lose my mind?
Megan: 20:36
Yeah, absolutely. This injury is kind of one that it almost feels a little silly because I still can do so much. I do think that there's that piece of guilt where you're like it's not even that bad.
Jess: 20:47
How much do you do with your dominant hand? With your index finger, Like did you not realize how many things you do with your hand until like it's injured and you're like, oh my God, everything?
Megan: 20:58
I think one of the biggest ones, where I was like, oh, I could take this time when I'm injured and I could get back into painting. And I was like oh, is that dumb? Oh my gosh, do it with your left hand, I could abstract paint?
Jess: 21:08
I should, that would be so fun. Okay, if you don't want to answer this question, it's totally fine, but I was just again thinking out loud. I'm thinking the vein of this season and body image. Body image is our perception and the lens with which we, like, look at our bodies. It's not necessarily how our body appears, but when we aren't moving in the way that we enjoy or the way that we are used to or the way that brings us the most sense of fulfillment, it changes the way we perceive our body. And then when we're like okay, you were already in off season from Olympic lifting, and so you're like I recognize that muscle mass has been lost. How has it been reconciling, like this is the way my body looks and feels right now. It is not how I want it to look and feel. It doesn't feel as much like my own, while also recognizing that it's a season.
Megan: 21:50
I've been a lot harder on myself and I know that part of that is a silly reason, but I going to the doctor a lot, I got weighed and I feel like it kind of started this little bit of a spiral for me. And then, because of the lack of activity also that I can do, that I'm used to I have a very hard time running on a treadmill for extended period of time and mentally it's not so much the physical that it's difficult, it's just the mental piece of it. I fight with myself a lot to run but I do love it. But you know, sometimes it's a struggle a lot more than it is to jump on a bike and burn 1200 calories and climb up a hill. And so I think there's that guilt piece that I feel a lot, where it's like, even though like nothing really has changed in my diet, like nothing has really changed in the way that I'm doing things, but I was so active but that mentally helps you so much too, like you know. I feel better, I feel less anxiety, I feel less stress. It's like a good outlet and you take that piece away and then you're trying to find something to supplement it with. Sometimes it doesn't work out super well, no, not at all.
Jess: 22:52
And there's also that sense of control too right. Where you're injured and there's nothing you can do but wait. You can't speed up the healing process. And so then you're finding these other movement modalities, if you will, and trying to see like, does this fit? No, does this fit? No, just exploring those things, cause I was also thinking about going through, just from the seasonal approach of you went from how many hours a week of, let's say, I'm gonna call it just loosely training between mountain biking and lifting and just riding in general and doing those things, to having things be severely restricted and being frustrated with your body, with the healing time, with the time it takes, with not getting answers from doctors for literal months. Yeah, and the last thing you wanna do when you're like okay, I do not enjoy running on the treadmill, and so then you've been kind of dabbling in running right now as a way to explore. Like, is this movement I enjoy? But you're like, Ugh, your body and your brain is like it's not a bike.
Megan: 23:47
It's not. Yeah, it's not a barbell Right. It just doesn't compute the same way and the machines are also. It's just not the same, but I'm adapting to it a little bit more. At first I tried to kind of forcefully jump back into running too much, and then my hips were hurting, my knees were hurting. It was just too much too fast and I kind of forgot. I was like, well, I'm super active, it's fine, I can do it, but it's a different type of activity and it's a different level of impact, exactly. And cycling, taking a step back and then redoing.
Jess: 24:17
it was a little better and actually giving yourself compassionate patience and resuming. Yeah, I was just thinking about we've had this conversation I don't know how many times about I'm gonna say getting older. Obviously we're in our 30s. I'm not saying we're old Please don't come after me for saying that but in your early 20s or if you're either of our husbands you can go from relatively no activity to arbitrarily running six to nine miles without having run for months at a time and wake up completely fine. Or like go out with friends until two in the morning dancing and then get up at six o'clock for a 20 mile long run. Those were the early 20s, or those are our husbands now and it's just not fair, cause that's something that like I'm running a half marathon in April for fun I'm not doing any speed work, I'm just like having fun, training for it and I have to be really mindful of how I ramp up mileage and intensity when I'm like, no, my old little ankle injury, it's flaring up.
Megan: 25:16
Okay, I've got to be a little more diligent about my warmups.
Jess: 25:20
Oh, I got it.
Megan: 25:22
What's a warmup? I'm the worst person to coach.
Jess: 25:26
I'm like, yeah, yeah, I did all of that. Yeah, of course it did. I'm just gonna work incomplete in the app.
Megan: 25:30
It's all good, it's fine, it's yeah, I did it.
Jess: 25:32
Accessory work oh, absolutely Gosh, don't even get me started, okay just thinking along the lines of like keep it broad, scope, body image, self confidence. I'm working through a freaking injury. Do you have any tips for our audience? Any favorite thing that you would say? If you're gonna remember one thing about Megan's interview, what would it be?
Megan: 25:51
I think that, like I know this is gonna sound silly, but like when I start to feel just so frustrated, overwhelmed in so many different capacities right now I also just went back to school, so it's like there's so much stuff going on, you have nothing on your plate at all. No, I'm deeply. Yeah, I just try and like I wouldn't even call it gratitude, but I just try and laugh at myself and laugh at the situation, I feel like once I start that kind of like oh my goodness it, just smiling though I know it sounds so funny, but it really helps get me out of some of that funk. I mean, that's just one thing, but like also leaning on people that you trust and that you're close with and it also are positive for you to be around. Because I will say that with a little asterisk because, like, if you have no friends and you do love them as people but they have a tendency to maybe be more on the negative side, that can really be harmful sometimes when you're already in such a headspace that's so hard for you to get out of. So absolutely not saying don't hang out with people. Just maybe try and use who to fill your cards with.
Jess: 26:53
Yeah, I completely understand what you're saying and I think to your point about just the gratitude, and what you're describing is coming back to the present moment and I don't wanna sound woo, but I'm listening to an audio book called is Buddhism true? So it's talking about like different parts of that and being present, piece of it, of like there are a number of shitty things. It's really shitty that you have very limited use of your right hand right now, but there are also so many other good things in your world and you're finding this and finding reasons to smile, and that's not like I always hesitate. When people talk about like being positive or focusing on the positive, I'm like this is not toxic positivity. No, there is value in saying this is a shitty situation. I am accepting my reality, but I also recognize that, within this same reality, here are good things and I'm acknowledging those.
Megan: 27:41
Yes, I think that's like a huge part of it too is being able to just look at what's happening around you. And yeah, that accepting piece of it and I feel like I've really been trying to work more on that where it's like I'm not trying to immediately shift my focus away from things, because I feel like there might be like a little bit of a blurred line between, like, just don't think about it. You know, for me personally and so someone saying like, oh, we'll think about happy things you have, but it's kind of just going back to that like, yeah, this sucks right now.
Jess: 28:10
I get what you're saying where you're like, I'm accepting of the reality and I'm finding the positive, versus the people who push aside what you're feeling and what's going on and only look at the good. Yeah, I like that, 100%, Also to the supportive community through hard things. That is so, so important and people in your world that feel your cup. I was just thinking too not as frustrating a situation as you, but like, with like traveling for a month for work stuff and I felt like this big baby. Cause I'm like I'm like I'm a strong, independent, grown ass woman but I really miss my husband but I'm sad. I'm sad and I'm alone and like feeling really silly for that, struggling with that or struggling with not having him around. I got really obsessive about my to-do list. Every day I got really anxious about my to-do list and I'm like, dude, this doesn't really matter. My point in this is that I found myself withdrawing more Because I'm like, well, what am I going to say to my friends that I'm sad, that I'm sad that I wasn't doing cool stuff for work and I'm home, Like you know, and it just felt so silly. But your friends are there for a reason. They're going to be there for you through all the things and if you can reach out to them with I'm sad and alone, they're going to feel even more comfortable coming to you saying I'm sad and alone or struggling or whatever it is, oh my gosh, Because that's what they do.
Megan: 29:33
I cannot speak enough on this. I am a huge proponent for talking about feelings as much as I'm like. Ha, ha, ha suck it up. But no, like I think that that comes from personal experience, because I think when I was finally able to open up and say these are the things that are going on with me and there's a lot of trauma, there's a lot of mental health stuff, you open that and then you see that other people are going to do the same thing and you see that other people are also like yeah, I'm really struggling with stuff like that too. It just opens that door for that communication.
Jess: 30:06
Well, friend, this is so good. Yeah, okay, in interest of time and letting you have the rest of your evening. Yeah, a few wrap up questions for fun. Yeah, not that mental health isn't important.
Megan: 30:16
I like let me stress that really quick, like this has been so so good and I just all the things.
Jess: 30:21
How important all of it is. Okay, what's your favorite kind of cookie?
Megan: 30:26
Honestly, it probably just a straight up chocolate chip. Brandon hates chocolate chip cookies too, and so it's always a fight, but why?
Jess: 30:33
Because you could make chocolate chip cookies and know that he wouldn't touch them.
Megan: 30:35
Oh no, he'll touch them, and then he'll be mad at me that I got chocolate chip cookies, so he'll still eat them.
Jess: 30:40
He'll just complain about them the whole time. Oh yeah, he'll hate. Eat them the whole time.
Megan: 30:43
But yeah straight up chocolate chip cookie. Does it matter if it's crunchy or soft, or I like it a little soft. I think when you're too crunchy it's, I don't know. You gotta have a little bit of a mix.
Jess: 30:52
It's sad.
Megan: 30:53
It's like a biscuit instead of a cookie. Exactly, you want it like, not super doughy, where it's like I don't know. Sometimes I feel like you eat them and you're like is it baked?
Jess: 31:03
See, I would much rather eat the dough All day long. That's my jam, so I love baking cookies, love it. That used to be my like college studying avoidance activity Just baking, yeah, and the worst baker.
Megan: 31:17
Okay, let's have a baking day. I'll teach you. Oh, you should try and teach me because it will be comical. We can have fun.
Jess: 31:26
What is one activity that brings you joy and takes attention away from your body? The activity I can't do.
Megan: 31:34
No, we'll say I'm going to say one that I can't do right now. I know it's funny, but like reading right now, and even audio books, I know it sounds like my nerdy heart, so happy. It's such a weird one and I've never really been that like I think this last like couple of years I've actually gotten pretty into reading fiction stories, which I never liked before and they're all different, but I've always been kind of that person. It's like I don't like stories Like I like factual, I know.
Jess: 32:02
I'm. How did I not know this about you? Well, that was the old Megan. I mean, I knew the old Megan. How did I not know?
Megan: 32:09
No, I'm just in the new Megan is here. Oh my gosh.
Jess: 32:13
Okay. So then, what is the number one book that you've recommended or given as a gift?
Megan: 32:18
If you're now a reader, I think that for a feel good, I actually really liked the gunkle. It was sweet, it was easy like to get through. I don't know it, just it was one that like touched me. I thought it was adorable. And then I'm listening to the women right now, which is historical fiction of women during the Vietnam War and their part in it as military nurses, and I haven't finished it, so I can't say a hundred percent how we're going to go, but I do really like it as of now and I'm like 17 chapters in, definitely need to talk books more, apparently.
Jess: 32:51
Yeah, okay, last question how do you take your coffee?
Megan: 32:55
I like my coffee with a little bit of oat milk and a little bit of sugar, and that's it.
Jess: 33:01
No fancy stuff used to be on those people that was like, yeah, put some white mocha in there and num, num, num I went to Starbucks this morning because it was one of those getting myself out of bed and I'm like if you get out of bed on time you can go to Starbucks. So I got out of bed on time. They messed up my order.
Megan: 33:16
Oh, that's the worst.
Jess: 33:17
This is the second time in a week that it's gotten messed up and like complete first world problems. A hundred percent.
Megan: 33:24
I acknowledge this.
Jess: 33:25
I like the taste of coffee. I love the taste of coffee and whatever drink I got today was like 27 pumps of sugar free hazelnut in this iced coffee. It was so sad because it's like a quarter to six in the morning in my dark car trying to drive down the road and you go to take a sip and I'm like this is a big coffee. I hate it. I'm so scared, it's fine.
Megan: 33:49
What do you do?
Jess: 33:50
How do you handle that? I don't know. Do I say something when I go back? And I'm like, by the way I don't know.
Megan: 33:54
Oh, I'm the worst, I'll just go. I'll go right back in. I'm like, excuse me, I was already driving.
Jess: 33:59
I was already driving down the road.
Megan: 34:01
Yeah, At that time you just got to suck it up and drink the sugar.
Jess: 34:04
All right man. Where can our audience find you besides on the sturdy girl page?
Megan: 34:09
Oh, I mean, you know the socials. I'm on Instagram. What you handle, lady, it's got to tell him.
Jess: 34:15
Oh boy, do you know what it is?
Megan: 34:17
I think so. It's at M E Z I, m, m Z A I K. It's a combination of my last name. It's my last name, I don't know if you can't find her.
Jess: 34:27
She's on the sturdy girl page.
Megan: 34:29
You just still find me somewhere, I'm sure I'm tagged in something, all the things, all the stuff. I got a really long, complicated last name with a lot of Z's Okay.
Jess: 34:40
This was so much fun. Thank you, I really enjoyed it. But let's wrap up until next week.
Megan: 34:47
Yeah, I'm excited for next week. All right, friends. Thank you so much.
Jess: 34:51
Of course, I learned things about you today. This is so rad. Megan likes reading.
Megan: 34:59
I think that's like your biggest one, that you were. Like what?
Jess: 35:03
I can't wait to like send you all my goodreads recommendations. Since we are continuing in this vein, friends about books, I feel like we need to. I'll put in the show notes. I'll put my goodreads link so if you guys are readers too, we can share a little book recommendation. But, okay, we're going to for real sign off this time. We'll talk to you next Friday If you enjoyed this episode. Please, please, please, follow us on Spotify, apple podcasts wherever you listen to your podcasts. Like us, leave a review. Now that Sturdy Girl apparel is here, which go check it out if you haven't, we are looking at putting together some shirt giveaways for people who leave reviews, so keep that in mind and we'll talk to you next week.
Megan: 35:44
Bye.