Season 2! Ep 16: How I Stopped Hating My Body + What I Leaned Into Instead
In our latest podcast episode, we embark on a deeply personal journey, addressing a pervasive issue that touches the lives of many: the struggle for body acceptance in a society obsessed with rigid beauty standards. Our hosts, Megan and I, peel back the layers of our own experiences with body loathing and the challenging pursuit of self-discipline that often leads to mental health struggles. We delve into the insidious nature of societal pressures that demand conformity, discussing how they've shaped our self-perceptions from the smallest imperfections to the cellulite on our thighs. The dialogue we present is an open and honest examination of the internalized fears and beliefs stemming from our formative years, emphasizing that the challenges with body image go much deeper than surface-level concerns.
Reflecting on our past, we uncover the contradiction of growing up surrounded by media-driven ideals of the perfect body. This introspection reveals the absurdity of fashion industry expectations and the pervasive influence of cultural pressures. But it's not just about dissatisfaction with our reflections; it's the insidious connection we draw between our self-worth and perceived personal failures. We explore the complex layers of self-criticism and question the negative beliefs about our bodies by asking "why" to dig deeper into the root causes of our discontent. Through our candid conversation, we share the realization that hating our bodies is not a sustainable motivator for change. Instead, we emphasize the need for self-compassion and the mental work required to achieve true body acceptance—an endeavor far removed from simply changing one's physical appearance.
The episode takes a pivotal turn as we discuss the impact of physical injuries and setbacks on our identities, underscoring the importance of finding new sources of self-worth and joy beyond physical capabilities. We introduce the concept of body image flexibility, encouraging listeners to cultivate a mindset that aligns with their core values rather than societal 'shoulds.' This flexibility allows for a healthier relationship with oneself, enabling individuals to manage negative thoughts and feelings towards their bodies with kindness and understanding.
As we wrap up the episode, we offer listeners a guide to body image and self-acceptance, advocating for a shift in focus from appearance to living a fulfilling life. Even on challenging days when acceptance seems out of reach, we stress that aiming for neutrality is a healthy goal. Our closing message is one of empowerment, reminding our audience that the true measure of strength lies not in size but in the depth and breadth of our experiences.
In conclusion, our podcast is more than just a series of conversations; it's a beacon of hope and guidance for those navigating the turbulent waters of body image and self-esteem. It is a call to action to redefine beauty on our own terms and to build a life that honors our inherent worth, beyond the confines of the mirror's reflection.
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Jess: 0:01
Hello friends and welcome to Sturdy Girl, a podcast focused on strength, not size, where you'll hear conversations around healthy body image, cultivating confidence and being a resilient human in both body and mind. Sturdy Girl is the podcast where we shift the focus away from your appearance and on to living the big, rad life you deserve. Hello, friends, and welcome to Sturdy Girl. We are so stoked to be back. We made it through the holidays through an ice storm Megan I missed recording with you.
Megan: 0:34
Hello, your ice storm done, we're done. Back to normal.
Jess: 0:37
Over there there's still snow, same here that's been refreezing every night.
Megan: 0:41
Yep, same here.
Jess: 0:43
But we can get out of our driveway, we can get up our hill.
Megan: 0:46
Yeah, the roads are no longer ice, which is pretty nice.
Jess: 0:49
So ridiculous. Ah well, we're back. I'm excited, so I want to talk a little bit about how I stopped hating my body and what I leaned into instead. I'm using a lot of I here, but, megan, you get to chime in because you have so much personal experience on this too, and your insights are super valuable. Just know that, as I'm telling my story, I'm not trying to monopolize. This is like a pseudo interview with Jess. Yeah, I love it. I think, just diving right in, I spent a long, long time hating my body, at odds with myself, and I'd be lying if I said that I don't still have negative days where I don't like my body or don't like myself. Because, even though I've done the work, it's knowing that that improved relationship with my body and relationship with myself, just because that's better, doesn't mean those days aren't going to come up. It's more about like how you handle them. It's like any kind of relationship you know I say this on just about every episode of the podcast is your relationship with yourself is the longest and most intimate of any relationship you'll ever have. So, like any relationship, there are issues that arise. There are times when you don't necessarily like that other person. There are times when you disagree with the shit that they say, but you don't just stop talking to them or you don't just dismiss it as like oh, this relationship is terrible. You work through them and so that's kind of the whole point of this is like sure, there are times when we don't like our body, but how do we move away from loathing our bodies the majority of the time to leaning into something else that's a little bit healthier, if you will?
Megan: 2:18
A little more positive. We try.
Jess: 2:20
You try, I mean we can say positive, absolutely. Megan, I love your insight on kind of your journey as well in this, but as I was putting notes together for this episode, I was kind of reflecting back on the season of body loathing and I'm like that's not even what it was. These times of not liking our bodies can be masked as being healthy, being more active, doing things that society says is normal or what we should be doing, and that was a lot of this time of me not liking my body was I was clean eating in the name of being healthy, so it was only fruits and vegetables and lean proteins and I didn't eat any grains and I didn't all these other things. And it was like, oh, I'm being healthy. And then I went into three back to back marathon training cycles in an effort to get faster and be healthier and be a better runner, right? So, like, thinking back to these things of like it wasn't necessarily in the mindset of like I hate myself. It was like, oh, I'm trying to be healthy, but it was like the motivations behind it was I was trying to change my body and I was trying to make it smaller.
Megan: 3:22
Yeah, and I mean we were talking about like our bodies back when we first met each other years and years ago, being a young, like 18, 20 something year old, that idea of like I think a big part of it for me also was like even even just deeper into like mental health, like having anxiety and things like that, and kind of masking it is like you know, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna run, I'm gonna do this, and then this is being so active, is going to help in this and not taking the time to be like okay, what is causing these things? Yeah, what is the deeper thing going on here that's the trigger for these feelings?
Jess: 3:52
Yeah, it's so much deeper than that. And we were talking before recording about reflecting back on the late teens, early twenties and our body sizes, and I recently came across some photos like you were saying to make end of, like yeah, oh my gosh, I was four or five, six sizes smaller, oh yeah. And then you think about well then, how did I, how did I feel about my body then? I was so much smaller, so much closer to that like societal norm and ideal. I liked my body way less than I do now. And, like you said, the confidence level yeah, what was your confidence level like when you fit into those size two, four, whatever jeans?
Megan: 4:27
Oh yeah, Like for me. I was so far down on myself, but I was a good you know, 30 pounds lighter than I am today and I had a much different shape and I was running five, six miles a day and, at the same time, looking at myself in the mirror and, being like icky, Put a shirt on over your swimsuit?
Jess: 4:47
Who do you think you are? Yeah, I think it's wild because it doesn't end up having to do anything with the way your body actually looks. It's your brain and you think back to, like, all the ways that our body image is shaped the media, societal norms, friends and family, our childhood, the perception of what was like promoted as healthy at the time, god, the like heroin chic of the late nineties and early 2000s of just grossly thin, oh my gosh.
Megan: 5:15
And like even the early 2000s, I know, for me a big thing was big breasts and I was always flat and you know, and so I think that was like something that was so ingrained in my head and there's not. There's not a whole lot. You can change with that, unless you want to go like a surgical route, which is fine, but I mean they're doing like chest press and like chest flies all the time.
Jess: 5:36
We're like come on muscle tissue, like how do I?
Megan: 5:38
fix this. But yeah, it was for me that was a big one and I was heavily picked on when I was back in like sixth grade. Yeah, heavily picked on when other people started developing and I was like, well, I got a tummy, Like I still look like a child, but I was a child.
Jess: 5:52
You know, and that was like that societal norm of having a larger chest. Yeah, it's just the way things have been flow. I watched the Devil Wars Prada while doing a longer run a few days ago and it came out in like 2005 or 2006. And Anne Hathaway and it she starts working for a fashion magazine and she knows nothing about fashion and so they're like you know she's the untrendy fat girl because, because she was a size six, which was the size that I was the happiest Like I was, like I'm a six oh wait, that's fat and to these standards, these early 2000s. Like you, that was big, and like Anne Hathaway's arms in this movie were like this big around. They were so little, yeah, and it's just just the, the societal norms. And granted, they're talking about the fashion industry and that's like a whole nother level of extreme, of like acceptable body size. But for a movie, for a mass produced movie, to talk about this grumpy fat and that internalization, and I mean, I don't particularly remember any of that messaging the first time I ever watched this movie, but it was probably because it was so prevalent at the time.
Megan: 6:59
I think I actually I did remember at the time because I was a size four or six and I was looking at that and I was like, oh wow, I was like she's my size. But I also looked at her and was like she's so much thinner than me. Again, the messaging.
Jess: 7:14
And then, like three quarters of the way through the movie, and Hathaway celebrates with another character because she's now a size four, and when she did her whole transformation in the movie they were like, oh, you know, most of the clothes that are in our building, I don't know, they don't fit a size six or two bag. Yeah, just wow, that was a whole separate tangent. But anyway, bringing that box full circle, just talking about the relationship with your body and how many of those things we've talked family and like childhood influences. So so much talking about just the societal norms and how we, as kind of, are we elder millennials, regular millennials, millennials growing up in In millennials? I love that, have you not?
Megan: 7:54
heard that. Oh no, I don't know.
Jess: 7:56
I don't know where the line falls for millennials.
Megan: 7:58
I have, but I think maybe I was just trying to block it out, it's fine.
Jess: 8:03
So, when we talk about how to stop hating our bodies, the things that we talk about in this episode are ones that I have used personally and then also used some research to pull from, so that it's not just like here's my personal experience. It's going to work for you, yeah. So let's dive in Addressing the why is the very first thing and probably the hardest thing in this whole list of things. Because asking yourself why you hate your body doesn't really have to do with how it actually looks when we dig down underneath. You know, a lot of times we don't like our appearance because of our imperfections or our perceived failures. If you will right, I don't have a flat stomach, I don't have a six pack, I don't have a big butt, I don't have big boobs, I don't have whatever it is. I don't have a flat stomach. Therefore, it must mean I don't possess the discipline to eat and exercise the way that I should. So ask yourself why, and then ask why again, and then ask him again why do I hate the cellulite on my thighs? Well, I don't like the way it looks. Well, why? Well, it makes me feel like I've outrally failed to be a disciplined and healthy, human, healthy with air quotes, but you know what I mean. Well, why do you feel that way? Well, because the norm, like the beauty standards, say that if I have visible cellulite or body fat, I must not be working hard enough or want it bad enough, and I don't want to be perceived as a failure. You see where this is going right. So we started out with just like I don't like the cellulite on my thighs, right, I don't like the size or appearance of my stomach to, oh shit. I've just internalized this message that if I don't look a certain way, it tells other people that I'm failing. So, asking that to dig a little bit deeper, and it's three to five wise to get underneath that a little bit.
Megan: 9:48
I think that, like a good way that you could do this is kind of journaling it or saying it, talking into someone like a close friend. I think that you know, as we were talking about before, because you kind of have to like talk it to life I talk about this with my therapist is like we've done this, where we've kind of dug deeper and asking the questions and eventually you come to this like full circle where you're like okay, well, that me hating my cellulite wasn't just I don't like cellulite, it was more of like okay, it's because of I don't think I'm doing good enough, or I should look this way I love that, though it's so important we can't just think about the why in our heads.
Jess: 10:22
It's having to externalize it somehow, whether that is talking it out with your therapist, with a friend, with a coach. Is it voice memo, recording yourself saying it out loud. Sometimes that can be really powerful, just hearing yourself say it, or it is writing it out if that's your preferred communication. But getting it outside of just your brain is really important in asking yourself those ways yeah, and it helps you kind of detangle it.
Megan: 10:45
You might be saying this certain thing in your head over and over to yourself, but putting it out there and kind of talking it through makes you actually recognize it for the different areas that it actually is a great, and it also allows you the ability to ask what am I making this mean about myself?
Jess: 11:01
Because I think that's another thing for me to. In this I'm going to say journey. I feel like journey is such a buzzword through all this, but the reality of it is it is a continuous journey is being able to say like I'm internalizing all these things about my stomach, because for me it's just, it's always in my stomach. What am I making this mean about myself? Am I making it mean that I'm a failure because I can't see visible abs? Am I making it mean that I can't coach people to be stronger, better humans because I don't have a quote unquote perfect body, like what are you making it mean? And taking the time to really think through that? Because once you can figure out what the root of this dislike for your body is, it's then asking can you really hate yourself into change? Does constantly picking yourself apart, does it really help you to feel better, do better or grow to be a better person? Does it really?
Megan: 11:55
No, and even if you get there, if you've got there from hating yourself and hating the life that you were living on, that diet or that exercise, that strict regimen like how, when you get there, how are you even gonna feel, because you've gotten there in a way that you're so negative about and that it's a punishment, more or less?
Jess: 12:15
So when you punish yourself into getting there, and then what? Yeah? And then you gotta maintain it, you know what Right, right, I mean, and that's kind of that's us talking about like body image being an inside job. You hate yourself into change. Your self-loathing keeps you motivated to achieve that body that you want the muscle definition, the flat stomach, the decreasing the fat on your body. Whatever it is you got there. Are you just gonna magically accept and like yourself? Can I be like I have the body I want? Ah, here we are.
Megan: 12:42
I'm happy, I know from experience. No, no.
Jess: 12:46
Because two things. You hit that goal post of what you try set to achieve and you just know the goal post right along. Well, you know, I lost 10 pounds and that wasn't too hard. So I'm gonna lose another 10 because I know so many people that are this way, that are happy. But you can't fix an internal issue with an external solution. Your body image is an inside job. So you get this quote unquote perfect body, but you haven't worked on your brain. That was such a huge mindset shift. For me is it's okay to not like our bodies every day. Oh, yeah, that body image and self-esteem like. You can have those days of not liking your body, of not feeling good in your body or good about yourself. It's normal, but it's the way that you respond.
Megan: 13:29
Yeah, I mean, even when I was at the peak of kind of like getting really back into lifting and like my strongest outward appearance, I still. You know, you get up and you have those days where you ate really bad the night before, you feel really bloated. You look in the mirror and go, uh, and it was one. I remember this very specifically. I remember like waking up and feeling like really shitty about the way that I looked, and then going actually to Target and I was trying on swimsuits Not a good idea when you don't look away but I actually came out of that and I took a picture of myself because I was like holy shit, my back looked jacked. I think I sent you that picture. You said you said because I was like this is me, and it was kind of like that moment of reality, of like I just got done hating on myself and then you go here and you're like, wow, that's actually not how I envisioned myself. Yeah, it's kind of a reality check.
Jess: 14:18
The reality check of, like my perception is not necessarily reality this spiral that you get yourself into, yeah, okay, that's actually really impressive, because I was gonna say, if I walked into Target it turned like swimsuits after waking up in such like a negative headspace. That'd be something I would avoid.
Megan: 14:35
Well, I was about to go on a vacation, so I was like, oh, it's like an necessity to find something. Okay, yeah but I will say I'm gonna say that with a caveat too, because I'm looking at the front side of myself. I was like, but then I caught the back and that's why. I was like the look at all those muscles the both and their that makes sense.
Jess: 14:55
Yes, but it is. It goes back to that body image being an inside job. Okay, time for your favorite point of this whole thing. Another way that I moved away from hating my body was to stop shilling on myself. My favorite phrase that I think about every day when we talk about how we should look, how we should perform, how we're supposed to present ourselves to others, right, we all have those expectations of the shoulds.
Megan: 15:21
It is so easy to fall into that.
Jess: 15:23
And when our body changes, whether we're talking big changes like pregnancy and childbirth, whether we're talking about injury, which, megan, you can totally speak to, or it's going from being a college athlete into regular life. Or, like the clients that I work with, when we're talking about switching from one modality to the other or combining the two right, like running and lifting If you're a lifter and you start adding in running and try to maintain strength, or you're trying to improve running and you just feel like my body's not responding the way it should, it's not looking the way it should.
Megan: 15:56
Yeah, like your body composition could change when you're adding some of those things, and it doesn't necessarily mean that one is trumping the other, it's just that you might look different.
Jess: 16:04
Yeah, but we still hang on to those expectations of how we should be looking, feeling, performing in a certain way and it's really hard to let go of. I mean for me, personal experiences. I spent 10 years running long distance and had added on incredible endurance, had really worked on speed. And then I add in powerlifting and I went down the road of just powerlifting. For what two years almost three, added in back running and I've put on muscle mass, I've put on some fat mass and I am way slower than I used to be before. And there's still this expectation that I can get out and run an easy run in zone two at like a 10 minute mile. And it's just not true anymore.
Megan: 16:42
I just recently discovered that because a 10 minute mile was a pretty easy mile pace. That was pretty easy. You're talking having, I mean, like you know, go running, you have full conversation, you'd be like this is fine. But I recently discovered that because I'd kind of like I started looking at my mile time on Strava and I was like whoa, I felt like I was really working and I was like that's 11 minute mile. But yeah, it is that reality of like you've been doing a different and it's not even so much of like I couldn't run the miles, because I went out and I ran four miles. I felt fine, it's just the pace looked a lot different and how you got through it looked a lot different. And it's not to say you're not still in shape, yours is different.
Jess: 17:20
It doesn't make it mean any like. What are you making it mean about yourself? Yeah, you're getting out there and doing things that you enjoy and moving the way you want to. So going to this, this like, stop shitting on yourself. When have we ever fully met our own internal expectations of how we should look? Have we ever? We talk about that moving goalpost, we talk about all of these pieces. Have we ever fully met those expectations to be like, huh, I have achieved the perfect run. I've achieved the perfect whatever my body looks, exactly the way I've always envisioned it. Does it ever? No, you know and it's for that, even when we were young, like looking at those pictures, yeah yeah, and maybe you get fleeting moments of it yeah, of, like shit. Yeah, this looks good, I feel good.
Megan: 18:07
Yeah.
Jess: 18:08
But does that stay? One of the shifts in this, this piece of stopping shitting on ourselves, is a piece of appreciation. Now I would talk about appreciation. I'm going to talk about gratitude, and I I feel like when I talk about gratitude, you tend to lose people's interest because they're just like. Everyone tells me to be grateful, like you know. But research, and then Buddhist teachings and now I'm not Buddhist, I just have a like vested interest in learning about different principles is talking about the importance of that gratitude because it brings you back to being in the present moment. The phenomenal fact that I'm alive and existing in this universe right now is insane when you really think about it, and so I don't want to go beyond that anymore. Just to say, like gratitude, practice is incredibly important. Being able to appreciate and just say like, holy crap, I'm here and my body has done some amazing things and not saying that to be ableist at all, because there are capabilities some people have and some people don't, I know that, but the simple fact of being able to go, step outside and breathe in fresh air, being able to hug the people you love, it's huge, because our body is a physical meat sack that helps us experience the magic in this world. That's all it is. Why should it hold us back? And that was like that mindset shift right there of being able to do the things that I enjoy, regardless of how it looked.
Megan: 19:27
What I'm finding out, you know, when you're injured is sometimes you even have to shift. What are the things that you enjoy and your guideline for that? Because if you're using something that's like a physical thing like well, what I enjoy in my example is biking in any form Well, when you discover that your hand is completely jacked up and you're going to be out for potentially six to 10 months, you might have to shift that and be like all right. Well, I just mean, like you know, make sure that those things are also flexible with yourself.
Jess: 19:54
Yeah, absolutely, and not tied to your identity, exactly.
Megan: 19:58
Like yeah, don't have like one thing as the only identity that it is.
Jess: 20:02
I'm like nodding my head, agreeing with you over here, because I think back to like my running burnout and being just a runner, and then suddenly like I couldn't bring myself to leave except my shoes for over six months and I wasn't even injured. But speaking to that point of just that shift and suddenly I was like, holy shit, who am I? I can't run. And for you right now, like tearing a ligament in your finger and it taking away Olympic lifting and taking away being able to bike to things that are your favorite activities. There's that identity shift. And then there's that piece of like okay, what are other things that I can appreciate that my body can do in this season? Because you're having to let go of the things you should be able to do and saying, okay, what can I do that I actually enjoy?
Megan: 20:48
And that probably is gonna be grateful for and still be able to go experience and in this season and yeah, and that's okay, your seasons can change. I am grateful for your epic finger guns. Bam bam for those that can't see, and buddy taped. So I tried to do a thumbs up, but it turns out to be finger guns.
Jess: 21:06
It's going to be like you're symbol for the whole season is just finger guns.
Megan: 21:09
The next six months bang, bang, I love it.
Jess: 21:12
To wrap up, this point of just shooting on yourself is taking that time to set our priorities based on our real feelings rather than societies shoulds I should have a flat stomach, I should this, I should that. What do you really want? Like that's something worth taking a moment to explore, because, underneath, maybe you signed up for that race because everyone else was doing it on your social media feeds, because, of course, a marathon follows completing a half marathon, right, and you realize, actually, that's not really want to do. I don't enjoy that. And when we can move away from the shoulds that other people have put on us to here's what I actually want you're able to tap into that greater sense of authenticity, that greater sense of self efficacy and self trust really, really big skills when we're talking about working on a relationship with ourselves. Okay, so let's go into what I leaned into instead of all the body hate, because we talked about the. How are we talking about? Asking ourselves that, why realizing that body image is an inside job, not shooting on ourselves? But the biggest piece here for me was learning body image flexibility which we have talked about before. We have, and we talked about this quite a bit in season one. So, if you want to go back to episodes one and three of the first season, we talked a ton about body image flexibility and other types of body image. But I think for me a really big key was knowing that, if we think of like body image on a bit of a spectrum, the opposite of body hate is not body love. You don't have to love your body to have a healthy relationship with yourself. And this body image flexibility is so, so, so important in that. And you know, just to touch on a couple of other types of body image, we have body neutrality, we have body acceptance, we have body positivity, and all of these types of body image have things in common with each other as well as body image flexibility. And those pieces are respect for our bodies and the understanding that no matter what your body looks like, it is deserving of that respect and care. And then when you go from there, obviously neutrality is just feeling neutral about your body, knowing that our bodies change constantly. So how do we observe them without judgment? Body image flexibility says the same thing. Body acceptance is accepting of our bodies as it is, without wanting to change it, knowing that our worth doesn't come from that. And then body positivity takes it one step further, to say like it's focusing on the appreciation for the function and appearance of our bodies. And there's a lot of pinkwashing that's gone on with body positivity, but it actually shares a lot in common with this body image flexibility. But I think for me, identifying in that flexible space has helped me progress the most in my relationship with myself and with my body. Because this idea of those negative thoughts about our bodies will forever and always come up and it's how we deal with those that marks what our relationship is like with our bodies is being able to notice them, come up, observe them non-judgemanily and openly. What are we making them mean about ourselves? And it's understanding that how we respond can say a lot about us, if we can respond in a way of self-compassion or if we just let them go and understand that we're making choices based on what we value in our lives.
Megan: 24:23
And it kind of goes back to like when we were talking. I know one of the episodes we were talking about body image, kind of like that acceptance therapy. Yeah, that's exactly the acknowledgement, yeah, and being able to not hold on to those thoughts that you're having or feelings.
Jess: 24:38
Yeah, because we're not our thoughts and there's wild thoughts that my brain comes up with sometimes and I'm like where did that come from? Oh no, I don't really actually believe that. That was weird.
Megan: 24:48
Yeah, or the spirals.
Jess: 24:51
Yeah, absolutely, and so it's the skill. Like body image, flexibility is a skill. It's being able to respond to the disturbances that come up. So maybe it's not necessarily the thoughts that come up, but it is other things, like trying on swimsuits, it is comments from family members or scrolling on social media and comparing yourself to someone else who's a crazy strong lifter or a crazy fast runner or the body types that they have. Your response is being able to be flexible and say like, okay, why, where is this coming from? What am I making it mean about myself? Can both be true. Can this person be an amazing runner? And I also, I'm inherently a good person as well. Yeah, it's not saying just because you see someone else's body isn't saying anything negative about yourself. It's how you internalize it, because some days, neutrality about our body is enough and that's all we can get to, and there are other days that we can look in the mirror and we could say, damn, my ass looks good today. Right, there are going to be those days, so kind of wrapping this portion up here without just like waving my hands, telling you how freaking passionate I am about learning that body image flexibility piece. Our relationship with our bodies is going to ebb and flow. Our feelings about our bodies are like that. There are going to be seasons where it is great and there are going to be seasons and things that trigger that you get into those spirals. And that doesn't mean that you have like failed on your journey to have a better relationship with your body. It just means you're human. So the learning to respond and learning why that flexibility is so important, because no matter how your body performs, how it looks, how it is supposedly disappointed you or how you've failed your body or let yourself go, your body is worthy of being fed, nourished and respected. Yes, my truck, I love it. That's been my journey. I mean for me right now. You talking about your hand injury and how much that has shifted your perspective. I have been dealing with a bum shoulder for months. I'm coming back to running and running a half in April that I'm really excited about. But knowing where I was with running and where I am now in that comparison piece of just being flexible to say like I'm curious, like what is my body capable of today, how am I feeling?
Megan: 27:07
And not having that comparison, you know to maybe what you could do when you're at the peak of your running. But what if? Where are you now and what can you do now?
Jess: 27:16
I mean honestly that comparison still happens, but it's. How do you respond to that?
Megan: 27:21
You know, I feel like I'm going to have to gear myself up for that, Like I've been taking that huge break from Olympic lifting for racing and now the break is going to continue because my hand is injured and I can't grip a barbell. I'm going to be in a splint for a while. And that comparison I'm like trying to mentally prepare myself to not fall into that. Well, I could do this a year ago. This weight I could snatch this much, I could clean and jerk this much, and kind of being like all right, well, Whereas my strength now I can work towards getting back to a goal that I have, yeah, but it's going to be, it'll be a journey, it's a journey and it's such a perspective shift and it's I'm proud of you for just keeping yourself going and being able to already reflect in a way that's like this shit sucks, yep.
Jess: 28:09
Well, what am I going to do about it? No, no, and I understand there's such a spectrum of emotions there and I, you know I'm not discrediting that like, handle those. But the fact that you're saying, ok, now I get to start exploring, like, what other types of movement do I like?
Megan: 28:23
I kind of allowed myself for like a couple of days to just be like this is the worst. Cry, cry, cry. My whole identity is gone. And then you get to that point where you're like, all right, let's reel it in and check it back and like let's look at the things that we can't be great before. What can we do going forward? You know, this is what it is and we got to keep moving Like that perspective, allow the feels and have trusted friends to talk things through with. Yes, exactly OK, thank you.
Jess: 28:50
Always, forever and always Wrapping this up through our crazy discussions of injuries and journey and how our bodies have changed and all of that. What helped get me through is addressing the why why I hated my body and asking myself the why's multiple times and then talking it out with someone I trust, verbalizing, externalizing it to be able to process it more and ask yourself what am I making these things that I hate about my body mean? Because you can't hate yourself into change. So ask the why's multiple times, stop shitting on yourself. We all have those expectations of how our body should look, but it's figuring out what we actually want and understanding that our body is just the physical meat sack that helps us experience the magic in the world. It's understanding that improved body image is an inside job, not an external thing. So if you hated your body into like what you feel was perfection, you're not going to fix your brain the way you feel about your body. And, lastly, body image flexibility. So that piece of understanding the good days and the bad, knowing that some days neutrality is all we can get to acceptance, whatever it is, but knowing that how you feel about your body doesn't change its inherent worth and its inherent need for respect, nourishment and care, because our whole focus here is to help you, my sturdy humans listening, shift your focus away from your appearance and onto living the big, rad life that you want and deserve, because how far will we actually go if we hate our bodies and how much further we go if we practice that flexibility? Yes, there you go. Episode one of season two is done. Thanks for listening, friends. As you now are aware, we are dropping episodes on Fridays now, so we will catch you next Friday. Thanks for listening. Bye.