31. How To Live Big With Jess Cahill, Adventure Host and OBM
In this episode of the Sturdy Girl podcast, we delve into the transformative journey of Jess, a former Spanish teacher who found her true passion through tragedy. The episodeoffers a compelling narrative of how personal loss and the pandemic catalyzed Jess's transition from the classroom to a fulfilling career as an online business manager and adventure host.
Jess's story begins with a heart-wrenching event—the tragic accident that took her brother's life. This profound loss forced Jess to confront the brevity of life and re-evaluate her own path. After spending 13 years as a Spanish teacher, she realized that waiting for retirement to start living was no longer an option. The pandemic further highlighted the importance of living authentically and finding joy in everyday moments. Jess leveraged her teaching skills to master business systems, seamlessly transitioning into the role of an online business manager.
The episode also explores the fluidity of self-definition and the joy of outdoor adventures. Jess shares her experiences leading a transformative women's retreat in Costa Rica, where she guided participants through Trova trips. These adventures are not just about exploring new places but also about forming meaningful connections and fostering personal growth. Jess emphasizes the power of connecting with like-minded women and the self-confidence that emerges from pushing boundaries in unfamiliar territories.
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the importance of finding joy in everyday moments and embracing the fullness of life. Inspired by Mel Robbins' insights on confidence, Jess discusses the importance of taking action despite fear and how this builds resilience across various life experiences. She shares her wisdom on living authentically and intentionally, prioritizing holistic well-being over aesthetic goals. The episode encourages listeners to reflect on life's fleeting nature and the significance of self-care, finding joy in small pleasures, and nurturing both mind and body for a long, fulfilling life.
Jess's journey from a public school Spanish teacher to an online business manager is a testament to the power of embracing change and pursuing one's passions. Her story is a reminder that life's challenges can lead to profound personal transformation and fulfillment. The episode underscores the importance of living a big, rad, authentic life, free from the constraints of traditional career paths and societal expectations.
One of the key takeaways from the episode is the concept of redefining one's identity. Jess shares how she shed her former identities, such as being a runner or a vegan, to embrace a more fluid and authentic self. This shift allowed her to focus on what truly brings her joy, whether it's paddleboarding, traveling, or connecting with others. By breaking free from societal labels, Jess found a sense of freedom and fulfillment that had eluded her in her previous roles.
The women's retreat in Costa Rica serves as a powerful example of how outdoor adventures can empower and heal. Jess recounts the magic of leading a group of 16 women, fostering deep connections, and creating a safe space for them to explore their passions and aspirations. The retreat emphasized the importance of setting personal rules and goals, free from societal pressures. The participants bonded over shared experiences, challenged themselves through thrilling activities, and ultimately built self-confidence by stepping out of their comfort zones.
The episode also touches on the transformative power of Trova trips, where expert guides like Tati play a crucial role in shaping the experience. These trips go beyond mere travel opportunities; they are about fostering community, building self-efficacy, and forming lasting friendships among like-minded women. The Costa Rica trip, in particular, highlighted the value of connection and personal growth, with participants leaving with a renewed sense of purpose and confidence.
As the conversation shifts to the importance of embracing play and joy in life, Jess shares her thoughts on building confidence through action. Inspired by Mel Robbins' definition of confidence as the willingness to try, she discusses the parallels between gaining confidence in various life experiences, such as learning to ride a horse or becoming a parent. Jess emphasizes the importance of showing up despite fear and how skills and confidence in one area can be transferable to others.
The episode concludes with a reflection on the significance of self-care and holistic well-being. Jess shares insights from the book "Outlive," which offers strategies for minimizing risks for major diseases and extending health spans. She highlights the importance of prioritizing physical health and self-care, shifting the focus from aesthetic goals.
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Jess H: 0:09
Hello, friend, and welcome to Sturdy Girl, a podcast focused on strength, not size, where you will hear conversations around flexible body image, cultivating confidence and being a resilient human in both body and mind. Sturdy Girl is the podcast where we shift the focus away from your appearance and on to living the big, rad life you deserve. I'm your host, jess Heiss, dropping episodes every Friday with my co-host, megan, as we help you make the most of your Sturdy Girl summer. That is, reclaiming body confidence, wearing the swimsuit and doing the kinds of activities you want without letting your body or appearance hold you back. Hello, friends, and welcome back to another episode of Sturdy Girl. I am excited. Today I have another Jess on with us. We are gonna chat. Main thing is living a big, rad, authentic life. So Jess is a teacher turned entrepreneur, an adventure host, travel lover, online business manager and a promoter of said life. Jess, I feel like how many titles do each of us have when introducing ourselves? I'm like we just live in our lives. But, jess, hello welcome.
Jess C: 1:20
Thanks for joining us, hi thank you so much for having me on. I'm really excited to be here and, yes, wearer of many hats. Exactly Okay, remind me what did you teach? I was a public school Spanish teacher for high school for six years and middle school for seven years, so not even really related to all of the things that I do. However, speaking another language will serve you forever and ever and ever, and I think learning about the culture and the history and different places where they speak Spanish just really encouraged and solidified how much I love adventure and travel and want to go see all the places and learn all the things and eat all the food, absolutely.
Jess H: 2:02
Okay, have you traveled anywhere that you have really put those like skills to use?
Jess C: 2:06
Oh, absolutely yes. So I traveled to Costa Rica for the first time in 2007. I lived with a host family for two weeks that didn't speak any English at all. That was when I was in college. Then I have been to Spain twice and I will always use my Spanish. Even if people speak English back to me, then I will speak English because I don't want to be rude, but I try to use it wherever and whenever I can. I've also been to Peru. I was able to speak Spanish there. I just went back to Costa Rica in April of this year and my husband and I went to Puerto Rico in February, and so, like I said, whenever I get the chance, that's awesome.
Jess H: 2:44
I took seven years of Spanish and, I would say, got pretty decent. All of my patients in dental hygiene school I would say 95% of them spoke Spanish. And then, right after graduating, I went to Central America and backpacked for five weeks. I look back on it now and I'm like what was I thinking? I stayed in hostels the whole time. That's so like traveled on public buses which, like the buses in Nicaragua, are like old school buses and they call them chicken buses. They're like holes in the floors and you spend like 40 cents to travel from one side of the country to the other. Yeah, that's what I did, and during that time I would say like, not fluent, but definitely got by, knew enough to get around, and now, not using it, I will have Spanish speaking patients come in here and there and I'm like hola como te llamas.
Jess H: 3:33
And beyond that it does come back a little bit, but okay, so teaching and then you moved into, like online business management and I think that's how we originally connected was just talking about all the things you do online to help other businesses. How did you get into that? How did you switch gears?
Jess C: 3:49
Oh boy. So this is a story that goes back before I even knew it would. But in 2019, my 25 year old brother passed away in a motorcycle accident and that was such a huge catalyst for realizing how short and how precious life is and waiting for later or retirement, or one day it may never come. And he had plans for the next day that he will never get to see through and that was huge to me. I was a really big eye opener.
Jess C: 4:20
And then COVID happened and I went from being a teacher to schools being closed to not really having a purpose, and I was like, well, that's sad that my job is like my whole meaning and purpose in life. And then we started working from home and doing half days and being home once a week and I was like, oh wait, I can have hobbies and work. This is cool. And then we went to school full time again and I was like, no, I cannot do this. This is. I don't want to spend my entire life waiting to retire and I at the time had like 30 more years until retirement, just so then I can start living.
Jess C: 5:01
And so I actually started nutrition coaching. That was my catalyst to leaving and quickly realized that was also not for me. I waited tables for almost two years while figuring things out and I applied for a VA job for somebody and then it just kind of grew from there. I was like, oh, this is what I'm really good at. I'm good at back end systems, I'm good at checklists and keeping timelines, and I ran a classroom for 13 years, so it was a lot of the skills that I used as a teacher that made me effective and project management and time management and all of those things. But I could do them for people in their own businesses and on my own time.
Jess H: 5:40
What a great story that just feeds into your life mission even more. Yes, realizing I mean I'm so sorry that it was such a huge event that triggered that right, but to be so young and have that recognition of what am I doing with my life? Yep, because I was thinking this when you were telling your story about oh, I can have hobbies outside of work. Oh, I'm defined by more than what I do for work, and I think about this every day as a dental hygienist, in that we say hello to patients, we ask how they're doing, ask about their teeth, whatever, and then nine times out of 10, the next question is like so what do you do for work? Yes, and that's how it is in small talk conversation all over, and I hate that question because then I'm telling you that what's significant to me is what you do for work, when actually I really don't give a shit what you do for work.
Jess H: 6:31
I want to know, like what are you passionate about? What do you enjoy out of life? I don't care what you do for work unless you love it, unless it is your passion. Then tell me about it Seriously, like how are you? How's it going? Oh, did you work today? What do you do for work. Let me hear all about it and most people are like actually I don't like my job.
Jess C: 6:48
Agree, and I think a lot of times, because we define ourself in that way, we think we have to love our job all the time, and sometimes it's just a means to an end and that's totally valid and fine, but when it defines us so, to go from saying I'm a teacher to I'm a diner waitress was a blow to my ego at first, because you do define yourself in that way.
Jess C: 7:11
And then when I started recognizing like no, what do you do? Well, I paddleboard and I hang out with my husband and I laugh a lot and I go visit my friends and I travel and I collect pieces and stories from different countries and I create memories and I go hang out with women in the woods and I go camping and and also I help people in their businesses online, which is cool, but that's not the only thing that I do. And I think, in recognizing that that couldn't be my only, identity, became so freeing and that it no longer has to be my identity, and then I started shedding all of the identities. I stopped being vegan, I stopped doing CrossFit, all these different things that I was just like no, I don't want to be in a box anymore, I just want to be Jess, show up as whoever that is and experience really awesome things. Amen.
Jess H: 8:00
The identity piece and I'm like so derailed right now that we'll get back to like some of my actual Sturdy Girl focus questions. But I was just thinking about that identity piece because I was a runner for I mean, I still am. Blake actually signed us up for a half marathon this fall Very exciting but I spent the better part of a decade running everything from 5Ks to 50Ks and I was running obsessed and I burnt myself out in like 2017 or 2018 with three marathon cycles back to back. I was doing a training program that was honestly awful, but I burnt out to the point that I couldn't even put on my running shoes without crying Like this is not happening, I can't do it, I hate it. I ended up running a marathon with bronchitis, if that tells you anything about, like my mental state on how I felt about running.
Jess H: 8:45
Yeah, and during that I would say almost six month period of running burnout, there was this identity shift of like, well, if I'm not a runner, who am I? What do I tell people about myself? What's actually important to me? And it was such a huge piece of my life that was like such a shift to understand that I'm actually a really cool human outside of running. I love hiking, I love my dogs, I love all these other things. There's all these other things in my life that are fulfilling without saying I'm a runner, I'm a lifter, I'm a this, I'm a human living this experience inside a meat sack?
Jess C: 9:21
Yes, exactly, and it's really freeing when you recognize that, because then it's like, well, I don't have to be a certain thing, but I can do so many things, and that's a really cool place to be, like I can go for a run, and if I want to call myself a runner, I can be a runner, but I can also just do the running, and that's cool too, whatever it, and it can be as intense or as relaxed as you want it to be, but when you realize that you are the author, the narrator, the writer, the editor of your own story and you don't have to follow anyone else's rules, it's a game changer, exactly.
Jess H: 9:56
I know there was another point I was going to make about identity. Without being super deep, I don't know it's derailed, that's okay, I derailed my thought process, but just talking about doing the things that you enjoy, and I think it's weird now to call myself a runner. And then I look at it and I'm like, oh, I'm also a competitive power lifter. Oh, I actually just really like to move my body. Yes, the end. Or like the people that right now, the question at work all the time is what are the plans for your summer? And then it inevitably gets turned back on me and I'm like, honestly, my plan is just to live outside. Like we have our back deck so I eat all of our meals out there, and it's hiking, it's trail running, it's camping, it's whatever. I want it to be outside, that's all.
Jess C: 10:39
I'm not gonna identify it with like any certain thing yeah, exactly, and there's, you get to make your own rules, and that's for sure so cool. And again, when you make your own rules, like, oh, what are you doing this summer? I'm hanging out outside, and then that just takes all the pressure off. It doesn't have to be like I'm going on seven vacations or I'm going to the beach or I'm spending time outside and then, however you do that, you're like oh, this is dope, because I'm doing exactly what I set out to do, exactly.
Jess H: 11:05
Okay, that leads into. So you just recently led your first women's retreat in Costa Rica.
Jess C: 11:13
You have three other trips on deck, two that are officially confirmed, one we're still waiting. I need at least eight people to confirm a trip, and so we have five spots. Before I can say officially but I trust in the universe we're just gonna say three yeah, so tell me how you got into that.
Jess H: 11:30
Like, what was your transition to? Okay, we've got all these hobbies and realizing my identity isn't with my work having your online business management company grow and doing that and then it was like what I want? To connect with more humans. How do I do this?
Jess C: 11:46
So, in an ideal world, I've always said I would love to get paid to travel, and what I've started to realize is that oftentimes women are hesitant to travel for so many different reasons. They're afraid, especially if you're traveling somewhere abroad. They worry about safety. A lot of women are also givers and caretakers so they might not plan something for themselves because they're planning things for their family or they're planning things for their job or whatever it is. And so I had gone to Peru and hiked the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu and had the most life changing core memory locked. I was like, oh, I could offer this to other women. What a cool space.
Jess C: 12:28
And the thing about the company that I work with, trovatrip. They are not specifically all women, but for me, I wanted to create a space where women could connect with other like-minded women, especially after working in a diner and being around women that were like I can't eat this, I don't like this, I don't. I need more than that. I need substantial friendships where we talk about our hopes and our dreams and our aspirations and the things we love to do and the things that set our soul on fire. And we look around and we're like, oh, my gosh, look at that tree oh my gosh, there's a sloth oh my gosh, whatever it is and just kind of absorb all of that magic.
Jess C: 13:07
And I had thought about Trova for a long time, but after going on a trip with them, it really solidified that for me and I opened it up to my community of people that I had shared with on Instagram. Hey, would anyone want to do this? I set out the survey before I left for Peru. I needed at least 50 qualified responses and by the time I landed back in the US I already had that. So it said to me hey, this is something my community is interested in and I'm so grateful. I said yes because Costa Rica was probably the most magical, powerful, empowering, freeing, really incredible adventure that I've ever had with 16 women, and that was something so special.
Jess H: 13:47
That's amazing, just like the smile on your face right now. I could just like see how much that meant to you and how awesome this is to be able to say all right, my narrative is yes, I'm going to get paid to travel, but it's on my own terms, and then having an organization that essentially facilitates that for you, that's fantastic.
Jess C: 14:07
I cannot say enough, and I grew up as someone who I've had different groups of friends but not really strong female relationships, and I live in a place where I feel like I don't belong.
Jess C: 14:18
So sometimes it can be hard to connect with people that are in my area or I was friends with them at a different period of time in my life and now my goals, my hobbies, my interests, things have kind of shifted and changed.
Jess C: 14:31
And so to create that space for women to come together and connect, 16 women is a large group and 16 women plus me, plus our female guide, so really 18 women. And there was just very rarely did you hear someone shaming themselves or talking about bodies. And that's so cool when you have peeled back that layer and you just get to connect and embrace on the human level and talk about all the things that light you up and all of the things that make you unique and rad and awesome and also a little bit weird and quirky, and to just feel safe and have a place to do that. And then, on top of it, to be hiking in rainforests at night in Costa Rica and manifesting sloths and hiking to volcanoes and zip lining literally through the clouds. It's like I don't think that I could have created a more idyllic situation in my brain.
Jess H: 15:25
It exceeded every expectation that I had I was going to ask you, like how you've seen this trip, like especially ghost triga being your first official one how you've seen it impact yours and others lives but you really already started going into that. Is there any more you would add, as far as the impact for you, for others? 100% feedback, like what kind of feedback have you gotten from that trip?
Jess C: 15:46
So what's really. This one has been really incredible for me. There have been several women who have said saying yes to that trip was the catalyst for an insert your own. You know Mad Lib here. But there's a woman who joined a hiking group because she said yes to Alaska so she wanted to make sure she was prepared. But now it has opened her up. She goes hiking once a week at night, goes hiking on weekends with a hiking group. Someone else decided to join, like a softball group, just so that they could connect with other people. It just has been really cool.
Jess C: 16:18
When you give yourself permission to say yes to something and that courage that it takes to get outside your comfort zone, traveling with people you don't necessarily know can feel a little nerve wracking. I totally get that. And when you give yourself permission to say, well, what if there's the possibility of a really magical, awesome adventure on the other side and, trusting yourself enough, I'm going to make it a good time. I trust my gut instinct of who I'm connecting with. So you know, I trust that that's going to be a good experience and just saying yes to creating space for yourself in your life it can just change the way you view so many different things.
Jess C: 16:57
I had a mom express how important like I really needed this time in my life to make room for myself.
Jess C: 17:03
I'm always giving to my kids, to my husband, to my job, whatever and so it's kind of helped her to like carve out a little more space in her life when she came home, because you realize how important and valuable it is, and so that has been really cool on my end. And to receive all of the gratitude when I was there and people were just like this is such an amazing experience. I've connected with so many amazing women. I've made friends that I could keep in touch with for forever. We all still talk. There's a group of eight of us going camping 4th of July weekend. So to receive that gratitude of like, hey, you created this I'm getting goosebumps thinking about it, because it's hard sometimes to accept compliments but to be like, okay, yeah, I connected all of these people and I facilitated that and I encouraged people to say yes to life and to say yes to themselves. It's so humbling and powerful and it just makes me so excited for all of the trips to come and solidifies like this is what I'm meant to be doing.
Jess H: 18:04
Your mission in life brought to fruition.
Jess C: 18:07
Yes, 100%. And then I just have immense gratitude, Like how lucky am I. It's like it is never lost on me that this is a really incredible opportunity and a really incredible guest community or thing that I've kind of created. And yeah, just the amount of gratitude that I have, it is never lost on me, Okay two things.
Jess H: 18:30
One, when are we planning a trip together? As in, like, I would love to like, host, co host, a full on women's trip would be amazing. And then, second thing, talking about connection, talking about getting 16 women together, I was thinking back to when you had mentioned what shifted you away from teaching, losing family but also, like pandemic hits, you get a taste of what it's like being at home, what it's like stepping away from that workplace, but all of a sudden you're around a lot less people. And so I think about the effects of the pandemic, of not having as much in-person interaction and people coming out of the pandemic recognizing how important connection is. Community is real friendships, real relationships, beyond just superficial, like double tapping on your photo on Instagram kind of thing. Those connections one are few and far between the kind of connections that you had and you facilitated in this group, but also like how amazing, yeah, it's really special and really powerful.
Jess C: 19:30
I think when you start to realize that you are in control of your life, you are the leader, the facilitator, and you remind other people they are the same way, it becomes so much easier to connect on a deeper level because I don't think people look at me and expect me to be a certain way, because I change my mind and I'm silly and fun and I try to be as genuine as possible. Hey, I'm really struggling, I'm having a hard time. Life is a jerk sometimes. But the connection piece is so important and I think it's really important for women. I always say like I watched the show Bridgerton and basically, like the rich people just get their full-time job is to be rich and they just have parties and hang out all the time.
Jess C: 20:14
And women have been made to connect with each other. That's why they say it takes a village, because women are looking for rapport. Men communicate more to report, and so I recognize the power of that connection. I also recognize the power of connection being genuine versus superficial, Superficial connection is very exhausting to me, whereas genuine connection is very soul cup filling. Yeah, it's been a really awesome opportunity and it's been really cool because I think the way that I value and perceive and see it is much different after being more isolated.
Jess H: 20:50
Absolutely when I was thinking too.
Jess H: 20:52
I've seen a number of let's just call them influencers who do Trova trips and seeing some of these and hearing some of the reports from people who've gone on trips like that, they're like, oh yeah, literally they just use their name to go on a free trip, that was their whole MO, whereas the people who go on trips with you recognize the power of that connection and that's like your superpower, I feel like, of just the connection piece and people having an amazing time and getting to embrace, being their authentic selves. Because I know, for me, when I've seen people post about Trova trips, the cost is always one of those, I would say, factors that give me pause, because I'm so used to being the facilitator of my own trips and I'm like, oh, I would say factors that give me pause because I'm so used to being the facilitator of my own trips and I'm like, oh, I don't know about that, but where you're talking about this whole community and experience that you've created, it's not just about going to the place, it's about so much more.
Jess C: 21:43
Yes, and I listen, I don't take lightly that these trips are not DIY bootstrap trips. This is not a hey, we're going to throw tents in the car and sleep at the cheapest place possible and figure out how to do this on the lowest budget. This is done for you. So that's really cool for women, moms, worker like really, I would say, women who are very career driven that might not necessarily have that time to plan or the experience. That can be an off-putting too, but you're also paying for the connection, the community, and I can't say enough about the expert guides that trova puts on. Their guides are the best.
Jess C: 22:25
I got a lot of good feedback from costa rica, but the most popular feedback and the most common, was how much everyone loved our guide. Her name is Tati and I still have a girl who's like I definitely want to travel with you again. But can we also invite Tati? And I've been lucky that they've been women twice, so as when I was just like someone going on a trip and when I hosted, and both women have been incredible. I've kept in touch with them on Instagram, so you're paying for that too. But there's also that piece of I get to be part of a community and the whole influencer train. We could probably have a whole episode about that, oh for sure. But to me, I'm not offering these trips because I want to make money or because I want to just go on a free trip. Those are perks and those are wonderful. But that piece of getting to just go on a free trip, those are perks and those are wonderful.
Jess C: 23:13
But that piece of getting to know people on a deeper level seeing there were women that jumped off of this Tarzan swing that you knew, there was one woman. She literally walked, turned around. She was like no, I'm not doing it and watch two or three more people do it. And she was like forget it. And YOLO just walked to the end, jumped off the pavilion and just you scream this raw, feral, unhinged noise comes out of you and it's like I'm alive, I'm so free. And I just stood at the bottom because I was the first one to go. And I'm getting goosebumps again Watching these women say yes to themselves, yes to adventure, and just taking that leap of faith.
Jess C: 23:51
Oh my gosh, that's something that will stay with me until I'm old and wrinkly and my memories start to fade. It was so powerful. And then the fact that, like I now have 16 new friends and I'm going on another trip with them and they're women that want to get out in nature, that want to be more than just what their body looks like or what they do for a living. They want to go play in the dirt and pick wild flowers and lay amongst the ferns and, you know, use a moss as a pillow all of these very whimsical sounding things. But it's really cool when you find your people and connect with them, especially as someone who's often felt like an outsider.
Jess H: 24:32
I'm thinking of this and maybe this is like too much logical brain, but when you're explaining these experiences and the connection and those kinds of things and women just tapping into, like doing things they're afraid to do, going on trips with a bunch of strangers, I think about the learning of self-trust, of self-efficacy, of confidence too, because I'm sure that this the Costa Rica trip, the experiences, the people, the connection was also a confidence builder for them.
Jess H: 24:59
Like hey, one, I can do hard things, I can meet strangers, I can talk to strangers, I can travel to a foreign country Like that amount of learning and unlearning probably too, of like maybe there were stories they, they told themselves about themselves for a long time and then they were able to say yes to adventure, to the unknown, to something that is a little bit scary, like sure, this trip is planned out for them. It's not like they're going solo into, like, the Costa Rican jungle or something right, but still there's so much that goes into that and I think just tying this into Sturdy Girl a little bit of that confidence building piece.
Jess C: 25:39
That's huge. Yes, and for me I always say, confidence is something you have to practice, and when you start giving yourself permission, it really opens up the door because you start to learn to trust yourself. And when you start to learn to trust yourself, you become unstoppable. So I want to do this thing and I'm unsure about it, but I think it'll be a good time. And then giving yourself permission to find out well, let's see what happens.
Jess C: 26:03
The worst that happens is you spent seven days in Costa Rica and then, on top of it, you have all of these adventures, everything is planned for you. And then you get to be with this group of women and I heard very clearly that people were nervous to meet each other and as soon as they did, they were like oh, these are my people, I can show up as me. People are going to accept me as me. I can do whatever it is that I want to do. I can be whatever version of myself I want to be. So if I've been wanting to be a different version, this is that opportunity. It's really cool. It's really really cool. And to be able to do it in real time, to say, watch someone gain confidence. Hey, I trust myself enough to jump off of this rope. Hey, I trust myself enough to get on a horse for the first time ever in my life and ride down a mountain into a hot spring, and then afterwards you're like wait, I didn't really trust myself, but I do now.
Jess H: 26:56
But I did the thing, and I did it scared, and I showed up. Well, that's Mel Robbins. Her definition of confidence is the willingness to try. Yes, and that's how I really lean into that of confidence as well. You cannot build confidence in something or in yourself without taking action. Correct, you have to. It's like another skill, which sucks to say, but it's true and yeah, sometimes it is. It's the doing it scared. And then you look at it afterwards and you're like, oh my God, I survived and I had a ton of fun. Who am I?
Jess C: 27:25
Yes, Well, and I would say parenthood is probably the biggest example.
Jess C: 27:30
I've never met someone that's been like, yes, I'm 1000% confident in my ability to be a parent, I am 0% scared, I feel 9000% ready and I'm just, yes, like there is a baby and I have all of the answers and I know what to do. That's not real life, and so I think people realize that in parenthood you have to just figure it out, do it scared, trust yourself, do some reading and research there's certainly you can do that and then you learn. You're like, oh, I'm capable of keeping a kid alive, and all of a sudden you're like, okay, well, I'm confident in my ability to be a parent. I might mess up, I might make mistakes. I think that people forget that's applicable and transferable to so many other things, and I use parenthood as an example, which is interesting because I'm not a parent. But I also think people forget that the skills that you have in one area if there's something you feel confident in your ability to be confident in many other areas exists you just need to figure out how to apply it to that area.
Jess H: 28:29
Absolutely yeah, parenting there's no one that ever feels prepared. We have really good friends that have a little one who's seven months old now. And that was exactly at the number of conversations where you're like, okay, I can read the books, I can do all the Google deep dives, I can connect with my community to ask them questions and for insight and those things, and then you have to actually experience it to be like, holy shit, okay, we're showing up, we're taking it day by day, we're just doing the thing.
Jess C: 28:57
And then, all of a sudden, you have a four-year-old, a five-year-old, a 10-year-old and you're like oh my gosh, I'm raising a kid.
Jess H: 29:02
You're still alive. You mostly like eat your food and do the things, and no one's died yet, so I think we're doing all right.
Jess C: 29:10
Yeah, yeah, exactly, and I wish that people would have more of that in other areas of life, of that. Other people have done it before me. If it makes me feel better, I'll do some research. But at some point you just have to take that leap of faith and jump and just trust you're gonna figure it out. And to me, there's a saying that I have. My friend Amanda has said this and it lives in my head rent free. But she says if it's up to me and it always is I always win. And when you start to recognize that that's the case, pencil drop. My pencil just dropped on the floor, but I feel like that was like the perfect, like mic drop.
Jess H: 29:47
Like and done. This whole conversation makes me think about my 2024 word, or my core value, if you will, is play, and I say that and, like talking to you, you have really channeled the power of play, if you will, and how important it is in living an authentic life, a big life, a present life, and one that's the most fulfilling. And I will admittedly tell you like I have a tendency to be very task oriented, and so I made 2024 word as play for that reason, because I would get so caught up in I mean, I work full time, I coach, I also have this podcast, and they're all things that I like and enjoy, and I would get too wrapped up in the to do's and what happens next and how to do this and, on productivity, that it was like I have to check in with myself, and I would get too wrapped up in the to do's and what happens next and how to do this and, on productivity, that it was like I have to check in with myself. And so my last week's podcast episode was on affirmations and for me, my most common affirmation to me in the mirror is I'm a fun person, I know how to play and I believe that about myself.
Jess H: 30:49
But God, if there aren't a million times a week that I forget that because we get wrapped up in the day to day, because we get wrapped up in like, well, I just worked 10 hours and now I come home and now I cook dinner and now I do this and now I take care of this. And, ok, this reminder popped up that I need to do this next and I have this to take care of and let me take care of my clients and let me in that never ending. And so that reminder of, like, what have I done in the last week? That is fun, that is play to remind me that I am a person who likes to dance between sets, when I lift and dance when I'm on my runs and play and make my dogs dance in the kitchen with me. That is actually who I am, but I get so task focused that we lose sight of that.
Jess C: 31:33
I am, but I get so task focused that we lose sight of that. It's so interesting to me that you bring that up because I am very capable of going down that path, of being a very task oriented person. I like to check things off lists, I like to get things done. Done. Productivity makes you feel useful. It makes you feel productive. It makes you feel valuable, it makes you feel all of these different things.
Jess C: 31:52
And I also recognized at some point I don't want to just be a human who does things. I'm a human being, so being present in my life, but also the more joy that you create, the more joy you find. So my husband and I will go for walks. We have a vortex football that whistles when you throw. We'll throw the football to one another. We will go paddle boarding and kayaking. We set up the tent in the backyard just to hang out for a couple of days, if it's going to be nice, if we want to go out and have our morning coffee in our backyard. We live in a neighborhood. We're not in the woods, we're right next to a busy road. You hear the trucks going by and the Jake brakes going off, but when you make time for that play, for that joy. It makes everything else so much easier and it makes life more joyful. So it's cool to me when I can look back and reflect on when I was teaching full-time.
Jess C: 32:47
I was a very regimented micromanage. Check all the things. Come home, have to do X, y, z, be productive, and then get up, rinse, repeat, do it over, over, over over and now I'm like okay, I checked boxes. My to-do list is going to be never ending. There's always going to be something on it for tomorrow. But the box that I didn't check was my own. So I'm clocking out and I'm going to do something that makes me happy, that brings me joy, that makes me laugh, that is fun and playful, and sometimes you forget and that reminder is really important.
Jess H: 33:19
OK, this makes me think maybe you posted something about this, but have you read the book 4,000?
Jess C: 33:25
Weeks. I've not read the book. 4,000 Weeks. I've not read the book. 4,000 weeks. But I've seen there's so many Instagram posts and you only get 75 summers or whatever it is. And when you break it down that you get 4,000 weeks in your life and that's giving the average, right, right, but when you break it down, you're like, oh my gosh, that's not that long of a time. How do I want to spend the time that I do have? Because when it's over, it's over.
Jess C: 33:51
Yeah, that was sobering, like, oh well, and I think too, in losing someone, I've become much more candid in talking about grief and loss, but when you lose someone, it really is that. I want to say it's like that severe in that, truly, when your life is done, the book ends, and there doesn't have to be a happily ever after or a the end. It could be in the middle of a sentence. Yeah, I was going to say there's no conclusion. Correct, right? Yeah, it just is over. And so what do you want to fill the pages with in between? I think is the most important, because you don't have control over the rest. I don't have control of when it's my time, but I do have control of how I spend the time I have now.
Jess H: 34:31
Yeah, you are in charge of writing your story. Yes, and that's something that this might be a side tangent and only semi-related, but I was talking to someone recently about this, about how, like, there are so many things in the world that are beyond our control. There are so many factors that we cannot control in our lives, and there's a lot of, you know, we can go into, like how much inherent privilege I have as, like, a white woman in America, all the things. But we get to choose how we react to things. We get to choose how we feel. We get to choose what actions we can take to I mean, obviously to a certain extent, but to recognize, instead of focusing on all these things that are outside of our control, can we look at what is in our control? How do I want to feel, how do I want to live my life?
Jess H: 35:16
There is no amount of time that is guaranteed, and that's something that we took my grandparents to Europe in May, and they are both 75. Grandpa gets along pretty well, and then my grandma doesn't, doesn't get around great. She has a number of health issues and that was kind of why we wanted to take this trip while we could. But this realization of you know I have spent time with grandma over the years holidays, a few times, during the summer, those things but I haven't spent days on end with her since I was in high school and to see the decline that has happened in her health, in her aging, and it was one of those really sobering moments of oh my gosh. It comes for all of us how do I want to spend my time, how do I want to be present? And just that moment of like I'm actually in control, like I can continue writing this chapter the way I want to.
Jess C: 36:03
Yes, and I think the more that you recognize that at a younger age I'm almost 40. So that's still 35 years until I'm your grandparents age and I think the more that we recognize that now and make time for joy and make time for play and make time to take care of our bodies and to make sure we have muscle mass and to make sure we feed ourselves well and fuel ourselves properly, the longer we can stave off some of those aging effects Like, yes, I'm living now I'm also. There's some part in my mind that is planning for my future. I ideally would love to live to be over 100 years old, as long as I'm happy, healthy and able to do the things that I want to do. And I think I'm setting myself up to be able to do them more so by making sure that I have joy in my life now and that I'm doing all of the things that I need to do to be taking care of my body.
Jess H: 36:54
A hundred percent. Okay. Did we talk about the book Outlive? No, okay. So there's this book called Outlive, that is, the art and science of longevity. So the front half of the book is like really research science, heavy about what the author calls the four horsemen, so cancer, diabetes, cardiovascular disease and dementia. And then the back half of the book is here's what you can do to minimize your risk for these things, to be able to increase your health span and hopefully your lifespan. Now, like 80 percent of our lifespan is determined by genetics. But to know that we have 20% of controllability there is exciting.
Jess H: 37:31
Right Like between our diet and our exercise and our self care and how we live our lives can impact that. And that was another thing. Really big on my mind on our trip with my grandparents was like how can I take care of myself now so that when I'm 75, when I'm 85, when I'm 95, I can still be that person that goes on, walks, lifts weights, that maybe even runs, like I don't know? I want to still be able to do those things as long as I can. And I think this is such a total tangent talking about this book but finishing that book for me in this season of like I'm not a marathon runner anymore, so talking about identity, right, but like, what is my focus? Like, what do I enjoy movement wise? I can't remember. My last powerlifting competition was that I got injured last year so I didn't get to compete, which was fine, and it ended up being this weird blessing in disguise of like.
Jess H: 38:14
After reading Outlive, then my thought process got to me. Instead of like how can I train for aesthetics? How can I train to train for powerlifting and compete? How can I train to run my fastest half marathon? How can I train for this? Instead, I've gotten the shift of how can I take care of my body and my mind to live as long and healthfully as possible, and taking that focus away from any kind of aesthetic, any kind of number metric, has been so insanely freeing for me.
Jess H: 38:44
Like, sorry to turn this into like talking about myself, but you're talking about that longevity and 4,000 weeks and not knowing how long we're going to be around. Like shifting that to like if I want to take care of my body, moving my body in this way, so instead of going and running 10 miles with zero training, I'm like let's son, listen to our body and run like four or five instead. Right, like that kind of mindset, because before I go and run a marathon with bronchitis, I would climb a mountain with mediocre training and be like I'll be fine. Now it's like how do I do the thing? To do the thing for a long time yes.
Jess C: 39:15
And for me it's what do I need to do in order to feel fit and good and ready to do the things that I want to do? Instead of how do I use exercise as punishment to look a certain way, or how do I reward or punish myself with food? It's like, well, how do I feel myself to make sure that I can be doing the things that bring me joy? And I think it's really interesting because the majority of what we've talked about is about living big and being authentic and connection, and we've not really focused a lot on body image and bodies. And I think that that's so powerful because when you start to focus on living and recognizing how short it is and what a blip that all of this will be in the grand scheme of the universe. But also, you know, I'm in a body that I'm not necessarily most familiar and most comfortable with and in the grand scheme of my life, however many years that I spend feeling somewhat uncomfortable in this current body will be a blip in my whole entire story, in my whole entire picture.
Jess C: 40:14
And I think when you start to recognize like, those thoughts will come and I don't think most people are exempt from feeling uncomfortable in their body sometime or another. But it also doesn't have to define me. It is not my identity. For me, it's a vessel to hug the people that I love. It's a vessel to connect with women in Costa Rica. It's a vessel to hike rim to rim of the Grand Canyon and it's a vessel to play with my niece and throw her up in the air and catch her and chase her around the park. And when you start focusing on what it allows you to do and the joy that you can find in living life, in being yourself, in doing it scared, in saying yes to you not that you'll never think about your body, but you might form a different relationship with your body and when you start to make those shifts, it's really, really powerful and rewarding.
Jess H: 41:08
The less energy that you spend focusing on your actual appearance, the more energy you give to living your life and doing the thing, even if maybe you're a little bit uncomfortable in your physical being.
Jess C: 41:20
Yeah, and it's interesting too. Some of the things that I feel uncomfortable about are different. As you get older especially, we live in a world of social media and people get Botox and they wear makeup and they do fake eyelashes. And now people are getting lip fillers and they dye their hair and they get liposuction and all this plastic surgery. And I show up I don't wear makeup, I don't dye my hair, I have wrinkles.
Jess C: 41:41
I said before I kind of dress like a homeless person most of the time. I say that jokingly. I dress comfortably. I dress in clothes that I feel good in, but also clothes that allow me to move my body in a way that I like to move my body. So I'm ready to go sit in the grass, I'm ready to roll around and slide down slides at the park. I'm ready to sit and work on my computer all of those different things.
Jess C: 42:04
Like I said, I think when you start to give yourself permission to show up as yourself, you start to recognize that the things we thought held value.
Jess C: 42:13
I think, trying to grow a community on Instagram, there was part of me that thought maybe I'm not worthy or maybe people aren't going to relate to me because I don't look a certain way and instead I think it's made me more relatable, I think it's allowed people to connect with me on a different level and I think that it reminds people like we're all just human and getting gray hair and wrinkles is honestly a gift and a blessing.
Jess C: 42:36
And whenever I look in the mirror and I'm like, oh, my 11s are really showing today, I'm like that's something I wish that I would have the opportunity to see in my brother, that I will never get to. And how fortunate am I to have lived a life long enough to get those wrinkles, to have the crow's feet that just show the joy that I've experienced and the laugh lines and all of that. And so I just kind of flip that narrative and focus on living life and it's yeah, it's really cool and not always easy, right, it's not always easy to do those things, especially with social media, regular media, magazines, advertising everywhere but, dang, there's something so rewarding and so freeing on the other side, agreed.
Jess H: 43:20
Yeah, and it's like I'm not gonna say constant effort, but it is work to be able to maintain that mindset, given the onslaught of what the ideal is supposed to be, especially as a woman. Like we're not supposed to look, like we age Right Wrinkles, what Gray hair? Yeah, no, I think that's amazing. And I was going to ask you like if you could tell the audience one tangible takeaway about living a big, rad, authentic life. What would it be? But then I realized like this whole conversation has been about that and so I didn't know if you had anything more to add as like one big takeaway at all I would say follow your joy.
Jess C: 43:55
When there are things that bring you joy, a moment where you're like, or oh my gosh, this is happening right now I'm having a human experience, how magical is that? It will really start to steer your actions, your brain, your life, in the direction that you want to be going. Because the more you notice joy, the more you experience joy, and then the more joy you want to experience, so the more you'll start acting in alignment with that.
Jess H: 44:24
And I think you, even with small moments of joy, call them glimmers. Yes, yes, because I think about, like this conversation. We talk a lot about traveling and seeing the world and doing these big things, but what percent of the time are we home and in the day to day things, right that we have to find joy and glimmers and romanticize the little things like we eat as many meals a day on the back deck when the weather is nice to be outside, it's noticing the bees on the wildflowers on your walk and those little things. So when you say, follow your joy, it's not blow up your life, quit your job, do the things Right, but it is. It's from big things to small things.
Jess C: 45:02
Yes, small great things is something that has stuck with me from a book that I read, and I also think living big is different for everybody. For me, you can tell, my joy is adventure, travel, all of those things, but for some it's being a mom or starting your own business, or having a homestead and raising chickens and a farm, or living in an RV or being a lawyer Some people that's all they've ever wanted to do for their entire life. So living big is going to look different. I don't think that there's a one size fits all and whatever that means for you, go do it. You get 4,000 weeks and probably most of us listening maybe have 40 to 50 more summers, more winters, more springs, more falls. So might as well make them count.
Jess H: 45:48
It is sobering. Okay, I love that. I think that's a really great place to wrap up on living a big life, but I do have a few final questions for you. Love it. What is your favorite kind of cookie?
Jess C: 46:01
Oatmeal raisin or the kitchen sink cookie. So immediately my reaction is oatmeal raisin, but the kitchen sink cookie or cowboy cookie kind of has a little bit of everything. So immediately my reaction is oatmeal raisin, but the kitchen sink cookie or cowboy cookie kind of has a little bit of everything. So one of those two. I have really strong feelings about raisins and cookies and I might need to revisit that You're not the only person that says that I like a fruit and a chocolate together.
Jess H: 46:20
It's not the fruit, it's like the, it's a texture thing. Oh, but it's been. It's been a while and I may need to revisit this and report back. I'll be on the lookout for the report. I'm going to bowl a one. Oatmeal cookies. Okay, what is one activity that brings you joy and takes your attention away from your body? I feel like this whole episode was just about that.
Jess C: 46:39
Anyways, I'm going to give a really simple example Going outside and looking at the wildflowers that I planted every day and I would say a lot of what we talked about. Living big is body focused, even if it's in, focused on the amazing things your body can do. This is something that I literally don't think about myself, my meat sack, my body, my nothing. I just go outside and look at the new flowers that have come up and we have a little bunny that's living inside, like has made a little home inside. Of the flowers, which ones are still growing, which ones have maybe moved on to their next phase of life? And there's I talked to them. They bring me so much joy.
Jess H: 47:14
I love that so much that's so sweet. No, I think the focus of just like moving attention away from your body is like some people will strength train purely for aesthetics and while others are like no, this shifts attention away from like appearance and it's about physical and mental resilience versus aesthetics, Right. So, like you know, it just depends on the person and their, their interests.
Jess C: 47:34
Yes, I totally agree with that. I just that was something that, like I don't even think about my body at all and that just comes up.
Jess H: 47:40
Yeah, that which is really cool. That's me on trails, that's me being outside, like, get me outside and on dirt trails and yeah, you're experiencing the magic around you.
Jess C: 47:49
Yeah, you're so you're so busy being present in life, like, oh my gosh, there's water and a little chipmunk and squirrels, and the leaves fall sometimes and it's so whimsical, all the glimmers, all the glimmers.
Jess H: 48:01
What is the number one book you've recommended or given as a gift? I don't know that.
Jess C: 48:06
I have a good answer for this. There's so many. I'm going to go with 101 Essays to Change the Way that you Think, by Brianna Wiest, and I think I like that one the most because they're single essays so you can pick it up and open to any random page and it's not like a consecutive book. There's some really powerful messages in there and it's something that I go back to over and over and I don't feel like if I haven't picked it up in three months I'd forget what was happening, because now I just read a new essay.
Jess H: 48:35
I listened to that on audiobook and I was like this is not audiobook material. And so I checked out the book and read it and loved it. But trying to listen to essays like that that are like short and profound, the message doesn't come across as well or as powerful.
Jess C: 48:54
Yeah, I agree For something like that.
Jess H: 48:56
I want the hard copy For sure, okay, last question how do you take your coffee? Tea morning beverage of choice.
Jess C: 49:05
So my morning beverage of choice is water, always first, and then I'm either going to go with like a decaf lavender latte or, if I'm home, I drink a dandy blend that I make into like a little latte, because caffeine and I are not friends. I love caffeine so much. Caffeine doesn't love me. I don't have a choice in the matter.
Jess H: 49:26
Oh, that's so frustrating. I also, too, drink water first thing. I don't have a choice in the matter. Oh, that's so frustrating. I also, too, drink water first thing. I have like a 40 ounce water bottle and that's what sits on the nightstand. So I'm like I'll drink a little bit before bed and then when I wake up in the morning, the goal is to get at least half of that in right. When I wake up I go down and make breakfast, make my coffee. I drink the rest. I'm like nonstop for five and a half hours before it's lunch and I usually don't have time to drink water because it's on the other end of the office, tucked in the back cubby, whatever. So I have to like front load. Or I get to lunchtime and I'm like, oh, I'm a raisin.
Jess C: 49:56
Yeah, I mean, when you start your day with hitting maybe even half of your goal first thing in the morning you're like, oh, I've set myself up for success for the day morning You're like oh, I've set myself up for success for the day.
Jess H: 50:09
I'm feeling so good. Check this off the list. Yes, Okay. Last question when can audiences find you and learn more?
Jess C: 50:14
So you can come follow me on Instagram. My handle is J E, s, s, s, dot, c, a, h, h, h. Or you can go to my website, savageadvcom, and sign up for my newsletter, which you can do through my Instagram or my website. Oh, and come on a trip with me Yellowstone 2025. It's June 25th to June 29th. Through the end of the month, I still have an extra $100 off, so right now, there's still five spots for $100 off. If you message me, I can give you a coupon code for another $100 off. We're going to be camping inside the park Five days. Everything is planned for you, all the hikes we hit the iconic spots, camping gear is provided. You need a sleeping bag, your personal items and a plane ticket, and to show up with a good attitude.
Jess H: 51:04
Smiles are encouraged. Yes, okay, and then let's plan a Jess and Jess.
Jess C: 51:09
Sturdy Girl trip at some point. Yes, I meant to mention that before, but a Sturdy Girl trip would be so amazing, like such a good connection and community. I think that our trip would be epic.
Jess H: 51:19
I concur. Let's take this to the drawing board because I agree, love it. I think our audience would too. Okay, friend. Thanks so much for being on. Thank you, friends, for listening to another episode of Sturdy Girl. We will catch you next Friday.