Episode 20: Body Image and New Moms with Pelvic Floor Expert and DPT, Jess Hund
Pregnancy and early motherhood is amazing. It is amazing and so damn hard. From feeling like your body is not your own, to the hormone changes, to navigating so many new things.
In this episode of Sturdy Girl, join host, Jess Heiss, and special guest, Jess Hund. Jess is a physical therapist specializing in pelvic floor health and owner of the PT clinic The Floor PDX in Portland, Oregon.
Jess and Jess chat about all things body image, the ‘shoulds’ of motherhood, to societal pressures, and figuring out how the heck to navigate all changes that happen to our bodies, our minds, our lives, when we become parents.
Personal favorite? The quote Jess gives us that she and her daughter repeat every night before bed.
Be sure to tune in for the date announcement of our official apparel drop! You can shop apparel and stickers here: https://www.sturdygirl.co/shop.
So, hit subscribe and we'll chat on Friday.
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Connect with Jess HERE.
Stay Sturdy, friends.
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Jess Heiss: 0:03
Hello, friends, and welcome to Sturdy Girl, a podcast focused on strength, not size, where you'll hear conversations around healthy body image, cultivating confidence and being a resilient human in both body and mind. Sturdy Girl is the podcast where we shift the focus away from your appearance and on to living the big, rad life you deserve. Hello, friends, and welcome to another episode of Sturdy Girl. We have set up an actual studio today, and I'm joined by my friend, Jess.
Jess Hund: 0:35
Two Jesses, the Jess and Jess show today. Jess and Jess show. What more could you ask for? It's gonna be wonderful. Would you like to introduce yourself? Yes, I can. I am Jess. As previously specified, I own the Floor PDX, which is a women's public health company, and we work on people's public floors. And, most importantly, I am a mom of two babies Four and almost two, which is insane, and then wild and wonderful and the best, so creative.
Jess Heiss: 1:01
All your little anecdotes about no filter words it makes my day Absolutely no filter.
Jess Hund: 1:05
I exist with no filter, so it makes sense that I would create children who have no filter and imaginations.
Jess Heiss: 1:10
I think that's being a person who does not have kids, yet Little ones. Imaginations are my favorite thing. To be able to cultivate that and hang on to that because I just I love reading fantasy books and I think of it as an extension of continuing my imagination and keeping a bigger imagination.
Jess Hund: 1:27
I feel like they make you see life again from the start, like the things that you've forgotten about the way that the raindrops move on the car window when you're moving at a certain speed, and how that looks like the stars that are moving in their mind when they're traveling through space. So, like I feel like you re-experience life from things that have just become monotonous to you, which I love, you end up slowing down a lot.
Jess Heiss: 1:45
To take notice, it's the best way. Okay, so public floor PD. You have the floor. I wanted to wear my. I should have worn, just worn such a shirt so that we had a book been repping for the listeners, just as wearing her floor PDX logo sweatshirt, and she brought me one, but I decided we needed a size bigger Because I brought the wrong size.
Jess Hund: 2:04
It's okay. So I mean, it makes total sense, it works.
Jess Heiss: 2:07
It works. Okay, how long have you been a PT? Six years, which is wild. Time flies. Apparently, I'm getting older. It's fine, just don't think about it. Yeah, just don't think about it. It's just a number. Yeah, that's like my mom. I don't remember how old she turned the series. Probably wouldn't want me telling the podcast listeners how old she is, but she's like it's okay, it's just another year that I'm 26.
Jess Hund: 2:26
Well, my mom did the opposite. She told me that she was 64 when I was six, and so I was like oh mom, I'm 64. Cool, like she is an agile, incredible 64 year old. And then it only took me a while to realize that my grandma was younger than her and I was like, oh wait, she can't possibly be 64. But for years I thought she was. So she's not 64 yet, so she's ageless in my mind because she hasn't ever reached the age that she was.
Jess Heiss: 2:47
I like this tactic.
Jess Hund: 2:48
I know you still have your kids. I'm gonna tell her I'm 64. She's just gonna believe that I'm gonna be like cool mom. That's great, yeah, that's awesome.
Jess Heiss: 2:55
So I'm stoked that you're here, because I like hanging out first of all. But I want to talk about being a mom. You are a mom. You work with a lot of new moms, or soon to be moms, where you're focusing on public for health, like just delving into that side of body image and confidence, how much your body doesn't feel like it's yours through that process, because I don't have kids yet. So it's that piece of like. Talk to me about your experience, whether that's personal or just experiences with people you've worked with.
Jess Hund: 3:21
Pregnancy is such a wild time because it truly your body, is not your own. You are growing another creature within your body and so you can plan and I'm such a planner and that was one of the hardest things for me, I think, about being while a mom. You can't plan anything, I feel like, because it always goes downhill. But you can't plan your pregnancy either, because you have no idea if you're going to be the mom who's able to keep hiking while pregnant or if you're going to have debilitating nausea or vomiting your whole pregnancy. So from the get go, I feel like you start to realize that for right now, my body is not my own. It's being changed physically and emotionally and from so many sides, and that letting go of the expectations, of what you feel like it should be, I feel like is one of the most difficult things. So not just the postpartum period, but that prenatal period is huge. While you're growing a mom freaking human and we talk a lot about that with my patients is understand expectations of like it is okay if I'm not lifting what I feel like I should be lifting right now, because it's not the time where you're going to try and make max gains or new metrics that you haven't hit before. New PRs Everybody yeah, exactly, you are PR and you're growing baby.
Jess Heiss: 4:28
Yeah, it's mild. I was thinking too about just the piece of having your body changed, and this is both fact of clothes not fitting the same anymore and the mental struggle of that. As you are dealing with both sides. I'm really excited. I'm growing this human. This is amazing. My life's going to change so much. And then like, well, crap, I can't sit but my pants anymore.
Jess Hund: 4:48
It's also really hard if you have a community of moms who are going through it with you, who are I'm thinking of. I have specific patients right now who have their groups, which is so good of support through pregnancy, but one woman's torso might be longer than someone else's, so their 10 week bump might look totally different than the other person's 10 week bump or their 20 week bump, and sometimes that can really get in your head of like for people who may have had infertility and then they get pregnant. I've wanted this baby for so long, but now I feel guilty for hating the way that my body is changing and guilty for realizing that I don't really want to look this way, and finding an okay space mentally to be in is so hard sometimes. It's really hard not to compare yourself to other people who are on the journey with you, because it's so different. It's so different person to person.
Jess Heiss: 5:33
Yeah, your own unique experience and it's also that, if you'd mentioned it before we started recording was being gentle with yourself. This whole season of I'm gonna say self-compassion, because that's something that we talk a lot about in the podcast is just how do you recognize that things are going to change. Your body's going to change. Your ability to do things is going to change. There are people you do see them that are able to hike their whole pregnancies or lift heavy their whole pregnancies, that are able to do these things. Another of those that their body says no that's not what you don't get to sorry and having to have that piece of self-compassion of this is just a season and it's not forever. Yeah, that's not that, that's easy.
Jess Hund: 6:14
You can't just like oh yeah, okay, that's fine, it's a season For sure, I think finding different ways that you can view or track that like you're making progress towards whatever your goals might be is huge, and again, this is so much easier said than done. Like not measuring your success by how much weight you're lifting or how far you're walking, but by taking a bird's eye view or finding people. We work super closely with a mental health therapist in my practice because they're so closely related, as I'm sure everything is so closely related but recognizing that like this is such a short blimp in time compared to the rest of everything else and being okay with that and it's also okay not to be okay with it, like it's okay to be like this sucks and sitting in that it's a unique period of time for sure. I think the other thing of like pregnancy as a whole and accepting how your body changes is, I feel like societally, particularly in America, you become pregnant and suddenly it's okay for everyone to comment on your body and or touch your body. And touch your body Like it's not okay. My belly is still a part of my body, it is not like now evolve that Uncle, billy, bob, joe, can just like touch that's a touch, do you?
Jess Heiss: 7:23
No, I like just the thought of you talking about working closely with mental health therapists in your practice, thinking about that in terms of support, talking about the majority of your clients having a support system to have people with an objective view to sometimes pull you out of your head and remind you that it's a season, remind you that you're growing a human yeah, that's a whole process and then thinking about the, say, the other side of after baby comes and that realm of again that my body's not my own. You and I had talked about bounce back culture before hitting record and I feel like that's a really important thing to talk about, especially when we talk about body image, when we talk about self-esteem. That process and what media portrays as normal is absurd.
Jess Hund: 8:05
It makes me angry. It makes me really angry because in America it's normal for you to have a baby and you go to your all leading up to pregnancy. You have 12 million check-ins and then from 36 weeks it's weekly until you have your baby. Of like, you're doing good or you're measuring along. How are you doing? You're doing great good job. You have baby and it's like cool. We either cut you wide open and took a baby out and stitched you back up, or you push this baby out and you might be having stitches down below from the way that you push them out and we're gonna see you in six weeks. Peace, have a good time. It's fine, but we want to see. We want to see your baby repetitively, yeah, baby and if you can't, don't lift more than this weight, but also carry the stroller and the baby and in the car seat doing unilateral farmers carries. We'll see you soon. We're on the 10th floor. We don't prioritize the mom who's going through, like this massive healing of birthing this child, whether by c-section or by natural delivery. Honoring that massive transition is huge.
Jess Heiss: 8:59
And not just that, but also the change in hormones, when we recognize physical health as well as mental health. Yes, like that's a huge yeah. In the same vein of in the us, how it's viewed that this bounce back culture. When do women return to work?
Jess Hund: 9:16
if they can afford to take 12 weeks right, 12 weeks, it's considered the norm which I would argue it's probably like eight weeks, if we're talking about people who are socioeconomically unable to take 12 weeks, exactly, exactly, and then what kind of support system do you have for someone taking care of baby and you've returned to work when your body is still not recovered, when you are sleep deprived, just that whole process and that's the norm.
Jess Heiss: 9:41
So I think that part of it also perpetuates the the bounce back culture too. Yes, and how much that messes with your brain to think, okay, my body has a bounce back, I don't fit in my clothes, but I'm doing the actions I have to do. Suddenly you're responsible for another human and still taking care of yourself while you're healing. It's wild it's a wild process. Have you gotten any advice from mental health therapists that you've worked with as far as postpartum, prenatal, any of those things to help people in direct ways?
Jess Hund: 10:13
I feel like the biggest thing is one having that support system so that everyone's checking in on you from all sides so that you don't feel like you're an island unto yourself, which I think is incredibly common postpartum you've had this baby. Now you feel like you can't leave your house because there's anxiety keeping you from leaving your house. If you have a partner who's supportive, hopefully they have paternity leave or maternity leave to come be with you, but if they aren't, you might feel that much more alone in your space. And so, knowing that you have a support system that can check in on you from multiple angles, and then people who are encouraging you, we treat our patients prenatally and then we set up a plan for postpartum so that they know that after baby I'm not just left hanging. So we do check-ins from three weeks plus of like we're going to get you moving, and this is the metric by which to know if you're doing okay. It has absolutely nothing to do with body image we're looking at. Is your body and brain obviously mentally capable of? Let's get you moving a little bit, because we know that movement and mental health are so closely related. Yeah, so can we walk around the block without these indications that we're seeing. If it's too much for you physically, and how can we extend that further and further? And if you aren't doing well physically and mentally, how can we address that? Here's your support mental health team that's on the ready to go and we set that up preemptively. Or if you were on anti-depressants, speak to your medical provider. You don't have to stop them. Figure out a way to keep doing them, because I think a lot of times people think that I'm a failure if I continue them, which is not true. We normalize that. So I think, speaking about a plan preemptively, before you go, do this big task because it truly is, it's like a marathon. You're doing a huge task and we plan for races for afterwards. This is what my recovery is going to look like. This is how I'm fueling myself. So that's the same thing. What is your postpartum? We'll look like we work closely with a nutritionist who specializes postpartum nutrition and she goes this is what you need to set up calorically for your body. That's healing from not only delivering a baby but an organ like you literally grew a placenta and now that is out your body and now your organs are literally reorganizing in your abdomen, you're potentially breastfeeding as well, so you're now feeding a human.
Jess Heiss: 12:13
Yeah, the whole process.
Jess Hund: 12:14
Yeah, it's wild. So I think that that's the biggest thing is setting expectations of. This is what postpartum looks like for most individuals. From a, your body heals at this time point, from your uterus to reshrinking to its prior size. This is what we encourage from a movement perspective and this is how we're going to support you is the biggest thing.
Jess Heiss: 12:34
So mental health, friends, physical support not just for me and that nutrition piece too, I like that a lot? Would you say that any? So let me let me give this context for a second. I only I was recently learned the importance of public floor health, truthfully, and so then I look at how much that can impact. So, as a power lifter, there are so many people I've seen in the power lifting space that are incredibly strong, but then go see a public floor PT and they're like we have some work to do and realize how much stronger their lifting can be once they have worked on public floor health, and so that's, I feel like a misconception or just something that's people have overlooked that it's not just soon to be moms and new moms, it's 100% everyone. Yeah, but then, looking at like, would you recommend someone who is pregnant to see a public floor specialist just as a? Here's a way to prepare, here's how to set up, like things that you can do and work on and then setting up that plan, because that's fantastic. I'm also a planner, so I think about that in context of when you have a baby. So much is out of your control. So if you can plan the piece of here's how I can take care of my body physically after childbirth. To know that for someone like me, I would be like how quick can I return to messing around with the barbell and knowing? Here's your plan to let yourself heal, to check in with those metrics to say, okay, this is how I'm healing appropriately 100%.
Jess Hund: 13:56
I mean we advocate for that. I mean, like you said, you didn't know until recently about public health and most people don't know about public health. I mean, obviously I'm massively biased, but like for something that so intimately. I mean as a little side note, the pelvic floor has three layers, three muscles in each layer.
Jess Heiss: 14:13
They're important for educate me.
Jess Hund: 14:14
I love this sphincteric control, so like urethral control of relaxing, letting urine out but also stopping the flow of urine. It's important for relaxing to let feces out. It's important for support, so like powerlifting, dependent upon how you're bracing, and human public floor for liftings that can like. It's wild to me when we're working with barbell athletes how much more weight they can move with so much more efficiency if they just understand how to utilize public floor in that realm. It's important for sexual health. It's important for stabilization. There are so many reasons for pelvic rehab and when you're giving birth to a baby they have to relax and get out of the way because the uterus is doing all the pushing. And now that's where most people get confused, because they think that the pelvic floor muscles, my kegels, are public contractions and I'm doing air quotes because I don't love the word kegel for a variety of reasons. But they think that that's my strength, that's how I get baby out. So just to like from a baseline educate of like hey, this is where bladder is, this is where uterus is, this is your vaginal canal, this is where people are checking. If you have cervical effacement, what does that mean? Let me teach you. This is what dilation means and we talk through different relaxation techniques because most of the time people don't know how to relax their public floor, because it's a region that one isn't talked about. And then two, even if it is talked about, they think that all they have to do is kegels and whatever the heck kegels are. Because most people don't know what kegels are, because it's an arbitrary name in a region that no one can see.
Jess Heiss: 15:36
So like why?
Jess Hund: 15:37
Why. But also it's like so classic that a woman's problem would be like in an arbitrary region quote unquote woman's problem, because those with penile anatomy have public floors too. But like it makes sense that this thing that is such a huge part of our bodies is not talked about and then named an arbitrary name by male doctor and then further confused. Come on now.
Jess Heiss: 15:58
Yeah, but it tracks, tracks, tracks, tracks.
Jess Hund: 16:00
But we talk all about burning positions. We talk about, like, what the public floor does, what is not normal but common, like peeing frequently and leaking after having a baby, is not common. But then again, that being said, all the stuff that we do, I mean I'd say 50% of my patients are those who are pregnant or having had babies, and then 50% haven't had children and still have public floor issues. And so closely related with that is people's body image across the board, because this is actually something I didn't think about this People who are perpetually sucking in their stomachs because they want to take up less space, because they don't have a healthy relationship with who they are. That's like our generation especially with how we grew up. Yep, that's constantly more pressure on your public floor, which is probably acting in a space. That's also. There's a lot of studies to show that people who have high anxiety or TMJ problems have a public floor that's reacting in that same manner, ie shortened and not able to relax. Tess, tess, yeah, if you don't want to take up space, that public floor is going to react in the same way and tense and not move with you, which relies a lot of public floor issues for people.
Jess Heiss: 17:05
That's so interesting, but that's exactly the people who suck in their stomach. Don't want to take up as much space, don't want to let people see their stomach rolls. I feel like I've spent most of my life doing that unintentionally. Because I wonder for listeners right now can you check your stomach? Are you bracing and holding in your stomach right now and trying to make it smaller?
Jess Hund: 17:25
And when you breathe, are you just doing upper chest breathing or are you allowing your belly to move with you? With breathing it's huge.
Jess Heiss: 17:31
Well, and that's something, too, that I have paid more attention to in recent times. It was actually when I was doing research for our stress and body image episode from the first season and recognizing that one of the first things to go in a stressful situation is my breathing, is control over my breathing where, if I'm generally a belly breather, I will notice myself one breathing through my mouth more than my nose, and then two, it's up here, it's upper chest. There's so much impact that we may not realize until we can bring awareness around that. Yeah, so when we talk about the body image part of it, there's just so much like interconnectedness of okay if I'm not feeling comfortable in my body, if I'm not feeling good at my body, so let's say we aren't wearing clothes that we feel good in, or they're tighter, they fit differently than they used to. We're around people that we maybe don't know as well and we subconsciously try to suck in our stomachs because people feel like that is also part of sit up straight, have good posture, and they'll suck in their stomachs as part of that.
Jess Hund: 18:28
Yeah, which the whole posture realm is. So.
Jess Heiss: 18:30
That's a whole other thing.
Jess Hund: 18:34
The posture, ramrod Street, is not Just have a plug line from your little bedoukigles all time. There you go, just kidding. Ramrod Street posture and kigles.
Jess Heiss: 18:45
Those are your episode takeaways. Do those?
Jess Hund: 18:47
daily. Don't do that daily, like, please, for the love of God. No, I saw someone stick in their pants the other day and it was marketed to sit up straight and have you, the back of your head, touch the stick that was coming out of the back of your jeans the whole day long. It was like cool that that is a great idea.
Jess Heiss: 19:03
Yeah, that's another.
Jess Hund: 19:04
so far, that's something else which we're gonna get off of that one.
Jess Heiss: 19:08
I love it. So we had kind of touched a little bit of like our generation and it's like Anderson makes them being smaller and all of that. Do you want to speak to kind of your body image journey at all.
Jess Hund: 19:18
I mean, I feel like I hadn't taken time to look back on my college experience from the eyes of. Did I have a disordered eating perspective or was I living in a way that was disordered eating and I would have probably told you for a long time? No, definitely not. But now that I have a little girl and I'm being so cognizant of the way that I frame, how I speak about my body, because I want her to come from a place of my body is capable, it is strong, it is so much more than I'm thinking back to how I viewed my body in college and my husband, nicholas, has started with Ellie this mantra that she says every day and night and it's I am brave, I am strong, I am capable of take care of others. I am a hung to girl and we want her to come from a place of. I am more, not my body takes up this much space, because I don't give a flying f how much space your body takes up. Are you a good, kind human being? Do you value yourself and what you do for others? And I hope that that's relayed to her. But if I think back to my college experience, I mean we grew up in the age of and I'm sure every generation has that age. I mean, there were people there, they're the thing.
Jess Heiss: 20:23
Yes, yes, during that WI should. Yeah, ours was like the hero when she flow, rise genes and flat stomach, and how small can you be 100%?
Jess Hund: 20:31
And I mean I was a part of the kinesiology department everyone is moving active and no one relate, so it was the norm for the people that you were around.
Jess Heiss: 20:39
So a lot harder in the moment and then after for a long time, to even recognize that that was not great.
Jess Hund: 20:47
We all ate one protein bar for lunch. We would all go and buy a protein bar for lunch. So, like it wasn't weird that I was eating only a protein bar, that said thank them, because you want to take a plus space, be small, and then all of the cereals we would eat is marketed to that like go lean crunch or the K smart, whatever healthy, fit one or all of those things. So I wouldn't eat hot foods because I thought hot foods have more calories, which is so sad, because I was asking my body to do things physically but I wasn't feeling it, which is wild, and I would again would not have told you that I had an eating issue at all, cause it was like I'm doing what I need to do, I'm lifting, while I wasn't lifting at the time, which is funny, I was just doing, I was a cardio bunny. I was on the elliptical which feels right and for like this conversation. But I think if I'd lifted it I would have been like oh my gosh, I'm like dying, I need more food, versus I was just bouncing on the elliptical.
Jess Heiss: 21:36
But still the arbitrary food rules that we assigned ourselves and thought they were normal.
Jess Hund: 21:41
Yeah, absolutely wild. So then I went from that to grad school where we had absolutely no money because grad school, so we were eating whatever we could find at grocery outlet, which was arguably a little bit better, but it was all processed because, like, the produce wasn't fantastic. And then we got pregnant like right after that, which is wild If I look back on that journey and being okay with how my body was changing with Ellie and it's crazy to compare pregnancies with Elliot's pregnancy I lifted and was lifting what I wanted to lift and did great.
Jess Heiss: 22:11
And with my little boy's pregnancy.
Jess Hund: 22:13
I couldn't do any of that because of the way that he was in my belly. So in my second pregnancy I was like, oh, I'm fine, I'm like I'm way better mentally. I had a lot of postpartum anxiety with Elliot that I didn't realize until later and I'm like, no, it's fine. And I've done this before.
Jess Heiss: 22:27
And yet the journey was so different again and your body's like actually, these aren't things that you can do this around slow down.
Jess Hund: 22:35
So I feel like I've come to this place where I'm so grateful for my body that has carried me through so many things, even when I deprived it unintentionally in college. But I feel like after having children, you appreciate your body for becoming almost I want to say anti fragile, because you've gone through something that resilient.
Jess Heiss: 22:56
So we are so resilient and even I'm not going to say through no choice of your own, but the fact that, like these are the processes that it goes through, and then to be able to sit back and go holy crap, I'm really resilient. The physical piece as well as the mental piece like that's huge.
Jess Hund: 23:12
I created these people and I'm so damn proud of it and I will take up as much space as I need to. I feel like my value of my worth as a human being has changed and shifted as I've grown older and that's been removed from body image, if that makes sense.
Jess Heiss: 23:28
It does, and that's really powerful for you as a human to have that growth too. I wanted to go back for a second to what Ellie says every morning and every night, because that just she is a force of nature and I just envisioned that on a big poster with calligraphy, like in her room at some point, but more in context of you were saying how much more aware you are of what you say about appearance when you make comments about your body, being very aware that you have little ears. Both of your kids are listening. I had an experience where someone was explaining to me they had a college age daughter, I don't remember how old exactly, and she said her daughter came to her on a summer break and said mom, you never commented on my body my entire life. I've been in therapy for the last year to work through all of the issues that you have given me because all I thought was that my worth was based on my achievements and that I must have been ugly because you never said a thing about the way I looked. And the mom went on to explain to me like how pointed she was to not talk about her daughter's body because she didn't want to have her, draw her worth from her appearance, and so recognizing that you can't just remove appearance from the conversation, and it's not just with our children, it's with ourselves too, because a lot of the journey to a healthier body image and a healthier relationship with ourself we have to work through how we react or respond to interruptions to our status quo of body image. So media, things people say or do or the way close fit, how do we respond to those things? To understand we're in a healthy place, to be able to take up space and not just ignore like, yeah, your body is the meat sack that holds all of your magic so that you can experience the world. But we also still have to recognize the importance of our bodies and how we do interact with the world in our bodies. Again, not apparent, but I just think about the complexity of that of being able to talk about being a strong human, about being a kind human. I'm still telling you, child, that they're pretty and affirming those things because obviously you can't completely leave that other conversation. But then that that to me also is the recognition to yourself when you look in the mirror to also say find something you like about yourself. But understanding it's not about your looks, but there is a conversation to be had under percent, so that it's not just oh well, I'm worthy as a being on its own. You are 100%, but you have to have some kind of relationship with me.
Jess Hund: 25:52
I think that goes back to the grace piece If the clothes that you don't like. I just did a massive rehaul of my closet because I was like these don't like the cleaning lady and she was like you don't bring me joy anymore. Bye, bye. Thank you for what you've done, goodbye. Do you know who I'm talking about? I don't.
Jess Heiss: 26:07
She was like big in COVID, she was the Amariconda, I always want to call her Jane Fonda which I know it's not Jane Fonda, but I mean it's the same thing, you don't?
Jess Hund: 26:17
bring me joy and having grace to be like those lowrider jeans. They don't make me feel confident in my body. Yes, I know that I'm a worth, but I don't want to wear them because I don't feel good in them. And having grace to be like I'm gonna wear the high-rise ones. I feel better in them, I'm gonna wear them. Or I'm gonna wear my husband's high-rise jeans because I feel comfortable in them.
Jess Heiss: 26:34
Guys, exactly I go back to, like our generation, and the lowrider jeans. I remember in middle school I had wanted some new Levi's Lowrider's Bell Bottoms, all of that and I remember explaining to my mom the ones I wanted and the next day she had gone, I think, grocery shopping or something but took it upon herself to go buy me Levi's jeans and she came home with mom jeans, which are popular now and very common.
Jess Hund: 26:56
They were not.
Jess Heiss: 26:57
No one but your mom wore those when we were in school and I remember crying myself to sleep because my mom's like honey, these jeans are just gonna be so flattering, they're gonna make your tummy look so much slimmer and they're gonna make your butt look good. You don't want those low-rise jeans because you don't want people to see your fat rolls. And she meant well she totally meant well, but when you're seventh grade, eighth grade, I can't remember why at age I was, I was like I'm gonna be the loser in this terrible world when you're pulling a nice cameo.
Jess Hund: 27:26
I had them in like every color, every color, and they had to be the thicker, the lace the better.
Jess Heiss: 27:30
Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure they're all from like Wet Seal or something 100% packs on.
Jess Hund: 27:38
Oh my gosh, that's so, so, so true. I think Nicholas and I have to be cognizant Elliot's standard of what she finds beautiful we're trying to foster right now and her level of what she wants to wear. Like she has such a fashion style so we just let her buy or put together her outfits in the morning. Because I used to be the mom who was like my children, we wear neutral. I'm gonna be the like, aesthetically pleasing, because that, like, I just love neutral. And one day I remember this so clearly Ellie was getting dressed in the morning. She opened her closet and she was mama, nothing in here is beautiful for me, which I also kind of want to like hold for myself, like, look in my closet. Is anything in here speaking to me? Does it fill my cup? From that standpoint and I was like, babe, why, like these are beautiful? She goes, mama, they are not beautiful. Nothing is pink, nothing is purple, nothing is rainbow. So we went to the store and bought all the rainbow, all the pink, all that. And she just wears long pants with her princess dress, with her hair rated as certainly, because it brings her joy.
Jess Heiss: 28:35
Expressing the way that she wants to be To cultivate that, because when do we lose that? At what age? Because I try to think about that too At what age did I lose that carefree? I'm gonna wear my like ballet tutu with a t-shirt and my rain boots, because that's what I want to wear today.
Jess Hund: 28:52
Yeah, I think, when the voices outside of your body start becoming louder than the ones inside yours.
Jess Heiss: 28:56
Yes, that's exactly when it starts All that to say as an adult. How do we rekindle that little kid magic of opening the closet and saying what brings me joy Wear the rainbows, wear the tutu. Right, I mean, I realize too. I look at current fashion sometimes and I'm not current fashion, I mean like leggings and a Costco sweatshirt you know like. But the current fashion. Blake and I have this saying that we repeat all the time and it's there are no rules, and it was jokingly from some movie that we watched. But things will happen and that's like fashion, there are no rules. Does it make you feel good? Wear it, embrace that piece of the little kid who gets joy from what they wear, who picks up things because they like them and for no other reason.
Jess Hund: 29:36
Take up space.
Jess Heiss: 29:37
Yep, take up space. One other thing I wanted to touch on before we hit record. We were talking about kind of the shoulds of motherhood and just those pieces of like you should be able to bounce back. You should be doing those things.
Jess Hund: 29:50
I feel like people say all the time I should be fine to go back to work and leave my baby for a long period of time. I should be able to have dinner ready before XYZ, like the old 1950s ideology. I should be able to have the house clean and ready to go in two seconds. So in talking about the shoulds, I think and we talked about this in the beginning to have grace, you should not have to do any of that and it's okay to say I need help, I need help from your partner. Please do XYZ delegate. It shouldn't all have to be on you Again, having grace with yourself, to say I don't need to have the house to my prior standard that I wanted it to be at. I'm okay sharing this, whatever standard you have with someone else, and being okay with accepting that, like we're a different state now, my body is a different state, I might have another child added to the mix and it's okay to not have to be at the standard that I accepted before. In terms of house needs to be a certain level of cleanliness, that cars need to be perpetually cleaned, which is impossible, impossible.
Jess Heiss: 30:52
I think of this in context of that awareness piece, which is hard. I mean, it's easy to just say, oh, be aware of these things, but if you can start to develop the awareness and the curiosity, so I like to talk about it as curiosity before awareness of getting curious with what does my body need? Slowing down enough to be like, okay, I'm telling myself I should do this, I should do this For me, a lot of times like no, it's talking motherhood, but I should work out. After working an 11 hour day, I should be able to come home and make dinner and do the dishes and work out and take care of some coaching things and the podcast Should, should, should, should. And then I slow down and I'm like I slept terribly last night. My day was so busy I didn't drink any water from 6 30 in the morning to almost one o'clock in the afternoon. I had my oatmeal for breakfast and a snack for lunch because that's what I had time for. I got home, I ate. Okay, if I get curious with myself, what does my body need? What do I need? The best thing right now I'm taking the dogs for walk and I'm going to bed early, 100%. And so that in context of prenatal, postpartum, those pieces, if you can get curious. So a place that's non-judgmental, it's not well before I could do this or so, and so, online had a baby six weeks ago and is already lifting with a barbell or whatever the heck it is. It's for me right now, in this moment, what do I need? And it's it's hard If we have never tuned into our needs or our internal voice. It's hard, it is really hard to know what you need. And so then it's like, give yourself a checklist of like do I need to eat? Do I need to sleep? Do I need to move my body? What do I need? Do I need to surround myself with other people? Have I been working from home all day talking to the dogs? You know, like, what fills your cup? Yeah, yeah, that's a really big cornerstone of my coaching, is that piece of curiosity, because we might have this idea of should and it's not always easy to let go of. And I think that's the other piece where, like you, shouldn't blah, blah, blah, it's just as bad as the you should 100%. It's just figuring out. This is a season. What is right for you? What's the next right thing? What is the next best choice for you? To take care of you, to take care of those around you.
Jess Hund: 32:54
We talk about often with my postpartum almost and this is for people who are also not postpartum but, like you said, you can't pour from empty cup and you are going to be pouring out yourself. You can limit what you pour to, but if you have children, you are going to be pouring yourself out and so if you aren't doing things that are filling your cup, then how are you gonna give of yourself? Same thing If you've worked 11 hour a day and haven't eaten, and lifting for you in that moment would empty your cup further, and walking and tuning in with yourself and breathing fresh air fills that up more.
Jess Heiss: 33:26
Do that, yeah, or do a modified lift that brings you joy, and that has been the season for me of rehabbing my shoulder. Lifting has had to look different, and the heavier lower body days. Still doing powerlifting related things, I've also like I haven't been able to bench press, and so upper body lifts have been kind of fun because they've been more like row split type lifts, which, for a power lift, for the last three years it's been fun. And so there, when there are days and I'm like it's supposed to be lower body day, but the thought of just heavy, heavy weights is just not appealing you know what. I'm gonna go do some shoulder press and, like bicep, curls you know, like this is fun and making it something that is cup filling that you enjoy, whatever that might be.
Jess Hund: 34:06
Yeah, without the intention of taking up less space, exactly.
Jess Heiss: 34:10
I think that's awesome. Is there anything else that you wanted to touch on?
Jess Hund: 34:13
I think it's just the biggest thing is having grace for yourself. I think, echoing that again and again, because from that state of grace comes acknowledgement of I've done this and I'm so proud of myself. I'm so proud of myself for being okay with growing this child and being sick through all of it. I'm so proud of myself for having a birthing experience that was significantly different than what I may have planned and hoped it would be. I'm so proud of myself for allowing rest in the postpartum period when I'm scared of what it might look like and what I quote want to return to. I'm so proud of setting realistic expectations and telling people I'm scared of where I'm at and I think from that point you'll be unstoppable and more resilient. And I say this it's a practice. It's not something that you just do and you're like checked off. It's a constant practice of I've woken up. Today, my cup feels empty. How will I have grace for myself today? How will I exude that in whatever I do and practice that?
Jess Heiss: 35:11
I think, too, there is that piece of you have being proud of yourself and taking pride in the things that you have done and simply existed and strive the day and whatever it is. And then you have appreciation and various gratitude and feeling that's just a buzzword anymore, but it is important, right. And then acceptance, so like if we can move from a place of just all the shoulds to some level of accepting. I have done my best today, I've shown up the best that I can to appreciating the things. And then it's that pride, taking pride in like I'm really proud of myself, because for a lot of people that's such a hard thing to say and acknowledge, because it funnels into this like, oh, women shouldn't be prideful and the confident woman is too loud. It's too this. It's too that when being able to be proud of ourselves for whatever it might be, is so important for that healthy relationship with ourselves. Okay, I have a few rapid fire questions, okay, and then we can wrap up. Okay, what is your favorite kind of cookie.
Jess Hund: 36:08
Oh, depends on the day, but that's not a rapid fire answer For right now, this exact moment, and this is going to be a controversial answer oatmeal raisin.
Jess Heiss: 36:15
That is a controversial answer. Raisins in cookies are just, it's, very cookie dependent. It is Oatmeal raisin, butterscotch chip. Oh yeah, can you add a little? That's good. Yeah, that's a good combo. Big cookie person, what is one activity that brings you joy and takes away attention from your body? I would say playing with my kids at the park, completely in the moment, running around. Call me next time you go, I will call you next time.
Jess Hund: 36:46
You can put on princess dresses this afternoon.
Jess Heiss: 36:49
Yes, I love that. What is the number one book you've recommended or given as a gift?
Jess Hund: 36:55
Oh, I haven't read it in a little bit, but blue like jazz by Donald Miller is fantastic.
Jess Heiss: 37:00
What is it about?
Jess Hund: 37:01
give me a little, a little something, or how it made you feel it just reframed, I feel, like daily experiences that he just has a way with words and so listening to the way that interprets things that have happened to him and he was from Portland when he wrote the book so, like there's lots of things that are like mentioned, that are like very much our home, which I appreciated, but he just has a fresh way of looking at shared experiences that we have within this world that I really appreciate.
Jess Heiss: 37:27
I love that and that's one you would recommend. Yes, most okay. Lastly, how do you take your coffee?
Jess Hund: 37:33
Oh, double shot. Well, I have two of these a day. Double shot, americano with room, and then I will froth and steam a combo of Trader Joe's oat, milk, brown sugar thing with split, with half and half. It's like a third of that with two thirds of half and half, but a tiny bit so americano miso steam at port of town.
Jess Heiss: 37:49
It's delicious, delicious it's strong and fantastic. I was expecting, like another context dependent answer. You know, like that's your daily okay.
Jess Hund: 37:57
That's normally my daily. What kind of milk?
Jess Heiss: 37:58
frother do you have? Just out of personal curiosity.
Jess Hund: 38:02
Depends on how much time I have. I have an espresso milk frother if I'm like short on time, or we have espresso machine's eye frother.
Jess Heiss: 38:08
Okay, where can our listeners find you to learn more?
Jess Hund: 38:12
You can find us at the floor. Pdx we're on facebook. We do nothing on facebook or on instagram, and then thefloorpdxcom.
Jess Heiss: 38:18
Thanks so much for joining me, for coming over, for bringing me coffee which was different than my usual, because I switched it up.
Jess Hund: 38:25
I did what you wanted, because I decided to try it, and it was delicious. Oh, milk latte Classic. Thank you for having me.
Jess Heiss: 38:33
It's fun. Thank you, friends, for listening. We will catch you next friday for another episode. If you enjoyed this podcast episode, please feel free to follow, subscribe, like whatever the heck you do with podcasts. As always, stay sturdy, friends, and we'll talk to you next week.